Friends seem to have stopped inviting me to things since I had a baby

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My LO is 6mo. Whilst we were invited as a family to some bbqs earlier this year, my friend group seem to have stopped inviting us to events, day time or night time, weekday or weekend. They seem to adore my DC when we do go out with them so thought everything would be OK..

We are the first of the group to marry and have children... is this just how it's going to be now?

Feels like there may also be an assumption we can't do anything without the baby... we could go for a night out with notice.

I'm trying my best to make 'mum' friends and am really putting myself out there at multiple groups but no real new friendships have materialised yet.

Feeling alone and in limbo.

So they just sometimes invite you now, or do they never invite you anymore?

If they invite you to some things but not others I think that's fair enough. They might not always want a baby to be at every social occasion which is understandable.

Have you tried inviting them to something that doesn’t include the baby?

Events seem to happen that I/we are not invited to, days out, lunch etc. I'd never expect us to be invited to everything for obvious reasons!

They probably just want to sometimes socialise without a baby around, that's ok isn't it?

As long as they haven't all just completely cut you out.

Do you invite them to things?
To be honest, I lost my best friend after DS was born. I was no longer available to do the things we used to do. Friend was not available to do the things I could do (lunch, mainly). We sort of struggled on with birthday and Christmas cards and a few Sunday lunches, but my change of lifestyle was too much really.

I was the first of my social circle to have children, and IME this does happen, but they drift back again once they have kids of their own.

At least, my female friends did. I seemed to lose my male friends completely once they got married and had children.

I am the friend without hildren
I didn't lose my friends as they had their children, but - other than babysitting, which I did a lot of when they were young - our relationship did change and I saw far less of them.
I admit I invited them to fewer things over time because they usually said no, or I knew the activity wouldn't work with a baby/ toddler/ six year old.
They built much closer friendships with parents of other children the same age, I would say.
My advice would be to invite them. Say, 'Can we sort a night out? I'll get a babysitter' or 'would you like to come round this evening for a meal? I can't come out that night but X sleeps pretty reliably from 7-11' as well as 'Do you fancy joining a family outing to the zoo?'

I was the first of my circle of friends to have children and I always saw them without my child. I liked it better that way and I'm sure some of them did too. Some of them still don't have children (by choice). I still went on nights out with them. Why don't you try arranging a night out with them?

Can you suggest a lunch with your gfs and not take the baby? Perhaps they need you to initiate it first then they will see you are happy to venture out without the little one.

FYI mum friends are fucking effort and fizzle out very quickly

Have you been ready clear you are happy to meet up without baby?

It might be that your friends are assuming that you can't do this.

Yes I'd say make it clear you'd love a night out without your baby and I'm sure they'll be up for it? Or invite them over for a BBQ or something with the baby there if you like.

I'm sure it isn't meant spitefully, maybe they've just assumed you're not up for leaving your baby yet, or if you've turned down a few invites maybe they feel you just don't want to come?

I havent turned down any invites, the invites have just ground to a halt! Unfortunately live in a flat so no bbq, but will propose a night out. Thanks everyone

I see the onus as being on new parents to keep friendships in tact rather than the friends. Make yourself available every so often to meet up with them without the baby - be the one to arrange something.

I feel the same thing has happened with some of my friends 🙁 the irony being, they have older kids, who I happily hung around with on days out etc when they were younger. Now they’re a bit older and I’ve got a toddler, my friends aren’t interested. I think some friendships aren’t meant to last forever.

If you can meet up without the baby though definitely suggest something! It may be like other have said that they assume you can’t leave them, but they’d love to see you.

Can I gently enquire about your conversation when out with these friends?
I only ask because amongst my friendship group we don’t bring kids into the group full stop, so no talk about kids, definitely no turnup with kids, in other words it’s a child free zone.

The group have slowly left one member behind due to her incessant chat about her baby. It literally dominated every conversation on meet ups.
She was going to bring her baby to one of our evening outs because she thought that we would all be delighted as we hadn’t seen her baby for a while…..
It was my only escape from kids so it got too much. I was going to quietly withdraw but as it happened, the others made the decision to stop inviting her.
Feel really bad about it to be honest.