ds is 12 and he doesn't talk to me help!

[cheeryface]

ds1 has just started secondary school.

he has never been one for forming close friendships which has often worried me ,he is very intelligent, like a little old man really in his ways.

anyway, i have asked him if there are any girls he likes at school etc but i feel like he tells me loads about his work etc but nothing at all about his personal/ social life.

i have just discovered text messages on his phone to a girl saying that he loves her and shall we meet for cuddles etc

it sounds like a different boy!

i feel really odd about it, he totally keeps me in the dark. never tells me if something has upset him and never anything about girls.

he walks to the bus stop and gets a bus to and from school every day. sometimes he rings to say he's staying at school longer to use the library/computers etc.

i am worried that he might go elsewhere or something.i kind of don't trust him now to be where i think he will be iyswim.

what should i do?
i feel really sad like i have failed that he doesn't talk to me. my friends daughter tells her everything.

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The best time to get mine talking is in the car or while I'm cooking dinner-no eye contact you see,they like that!
We went to the cinema last week,just the two of us,and I made sure we were a bit early so we could have a bit of a gossipy chat while the adverts were on.Nothing earth shattering,just chit-chat but the opportunity was there if he wanted to talk.

will come back to this later when i have more time

practice for later teens when he will just skulk about!

Do you do things together? Take him to see a film, or to buy some sort of gadget or something? Things just the 2 of you, to bring you closer?

we do do stuff together yes.

I do find,the more I probe,the less he says!

It is their age and I think it is a boy thing. DS1 is nearly 14. He has just moved up to high school but I feel I know nothing about it or what he is doing. I keep asking questions to which I get a grunt, however if I don't pry and he wants to tell me something, he will. This only happens when he can't keep it to himself any longer.

I don't think boys feel the need to gossip as much as we do

He's turning into a man, so just like a man he will a) tell you nothing he thinks that you don't need to know, it's just a waste of oxygen b)take to frequenting his room and ignoring you when you ask him to take the bin out c)pretend you don't exist when he sees a girl who's attractive.
I think boys are just more insular when they go through adolescence, the only thing you can do is make a bit of time for him now and then so that he understands that you're there for when he needs you.

i asked if there are any girls he fancies yet and he said no.

probably wasn't the smartest idea i've had!

i have also told him that it's important i know where he is , that he can go places with people but he has to tell me first and that i hope we can always trust each other and not tell lies etc

could have been a cock up that don't know !

My children are:ds1 14, ds2 12, dd 9 and ds 3nearly 4.

Don't know the answer really except to say keep making yourself available for chats or even brief snippets of chats !

it seems to me I've gone from not getting a minute to myself away from the children, to wondering why ds1 and 2 find so much to do in their rooms, away from us !

"hello ds1, what are you up to then ?"
"oh just stuff"
"Hello ds2, so what did you talk about when XX came round to play football ?"
"Oh just stuff, you know"