Out of school socialising

[EllieMay2011]

Hi, my son is an only child and I'm concerned that he doesn't see a lot of friends out of school, it doesn't help that he has just moved schools too and we are moving to a new area. I feel this is partly my fault as I can be quite shy around other parents and most days I have to rush off in the mornings after school to get to work.
Can this be quite usual or do most kids see friends out of school? I don't have a huge friend/social circle and worry this effects my son too. We haven't moved yet so still live quite a way from his new school.
Is there anything I can do to help and encourage with this? He is very sociable and tends to make friends especially at holiday clubs etc I just feel I could be doing more but struggle to have the confidence. I think lock down has made it even harder.
Any ideas/suggestions would be great. Thanks

How old is he?
When will you be moving?

He is 9 years old and hopefully be moving Sept/Oct as the sale and purchase is going through.

I don't think it is too much of an issue at this stage. Ideally you could be asking some of his new classmates for playdates, but if you still live away from the school, that is probably a bit unfair on the other parents. Definitely think about it next term once you have moved.

Also afterschool clubs provided by the school would be a good way for your DS to mix, but probably a bit late in the term for that now.

I think it is just as important for a child to have friends from outside school so again once you have moved (unless it is close enough to start now) may be look into somethin like Scouts or a sports activity where there will be children from other schools to make friends with.

Thank you. His new school offer a summer holiday club so thinking of that for a couple of days a week so he gets familiar with the surrounding and meet other children who may also be in his class.

I feel this is partly my fault as I can be quite shy around other parents and most days I have to rush off in the mornings after school to get to work.

Aren't 9yos a bit past the age of having 'playdates' arranged by their parents? Don't most children at this age take the initiative in arranging things for themselves? 'Mum, can Rob come to tea/can I go to Rob's house to play [whatever]/Rob's dad says he'll take us to [insert activity]'

If he's sociable and makes friends easily, socialising will probably start to happen once he's settled in at school.

Mine is 8 and I would say only sees friends outside of school about once a month, unless we just happen to run into someone somewhere by chance. Realistically, they are will school friends about 32 hours a week. That's more quality time than she gets with us as a family really. We can't do afterschool playdates because of our work schedules and then the one free day a week, she has an activity. That only leaves weekends. Occasionally, we manage to arrange something for a weekend, but they are often really busy (we have things to do as a family) or if we have a free weekend, friends aren't available. I think at this age, it's fine and fairly normal with working parents unless friends just happen to live on the same street and it's easy to pop over spontaneously (none of mine have friends within walking distance, so has to be pre-arranged and we have to drive them there).

I think that is our problem, we have never lived close to his school and his new school, catchment area problems, so I'm hoping when we move he will be able to meet kids in the local area.
We can't just have someone round for tea without consulting parents etc surely you would need to know the parent especially if you live further away?
I can completely relate to what you are saying about working after school time and struggle to arrange stuff at weekends as most people are having family time. They can't just pop around to ours due to the distance.
I'm hoping when he also gets to senior school he will walk with friends he has gotten to know and will be different.
I wish I had some mum friends or had the confidence to get to know other parents which I think would help us both.

We can't just have someone round for tea without consulting parents etc surely you would need to know the parent especially if you live further away?

So when your son asks if his friend can come to tea, you write a note to friend's parent giving your number so you can make contact to arrange it, and your son gives the note to his friend to deliver. That's how it was done in my primary schooldays. There were no mobiles then and not everyone even had a landline, so it was sometimes all done by notes being passed via the children.

Children walked themselves to and from school then, so there was no meeting of parents at drop off and pick up.

Thank you, I will chat to my son and see if he had made any friends who he would like to come for tea and pop a note with my mobile number on 👍