2.5 year old not eating

[surreygirl1987]

My 2 year old boy used to be a fantastic eater. He'd eat anything. Chicken, brocoli, curry, whatever. He would eat lots, and nursery would usually tell me he'd had seconds or occasionally even thirds!

However, over the past few months he's become progressively fussier with his food and eaten so much less. I wasn't fussed at first as I know most toddlers go through picky phases with food, but his weight gain has slowed too. He's not light, but he has dropped from 91st percentile to low 75th percentile. He just says 'don't like it' or 'don't want it' and messes about or wants to go and play. Even things that he usually likes. I've even resortsd to trying to get food into him by giving him less healthy stuff (we generally eat fairly healthily as a family), like chips and chicken nuggets ... but he's not interested in that either (admittedly he has never turned down ice-cream yet though!). He is so inconsistent too - something he loved one day he hates the next, like he wolfed down two bowls of porridge for breakfast one morning and loved it, but then the next day he decided he hated it and has refused it since.

We don't force him to stay at the table and eat. I don't want to make food a forced issue for him (my own parents used to make me clear my plate without fail and I don't think that's a healthy approach). But now I'm second guessing myself- is that the right or wrong approach? And how can you make a 2 year old eat anyway... you just can't!

This evening he watched a little bit of TV after we all finished dinner (of which he hardly had any). My husband decided to see if he would eat anything then, and spoon-fed him his pasta. He happily ate ALL of it, while he distracted by the TV! We hardly give him any screen time as it is (maybe 3x 20 mins a week at most?) and I REALLY don't agree with the habit of mindlessly eating while watching TV as I think it leads to self-regulation problems. Then again, my toddler just isn't eating, so maybe I've got it all completely wrong. Should I let him eat dinner while watching TV, if it gets food into him?

Oh yes and he loves snacks, on the go. Banana, babybel, or oat bar. But he can't live on those, and a snack isn't much anyway. Should we stop the snacks and see what happens?

Really grateful for any advice or experience etc. I'm so confused that the things I've always thought were the 'correct' approach are just not working, and worried at how little he seems to be eating. Would really welcome any ideas. Many thanks!

I do let mine watch TV and eat, because she's always been underweight (1-4%) and she does yo-yo between 4th percentile and occasionally underweight.

Restricting food at this age (2+) is common, as a form of control. As is narrowing down to the carbs (pasta, banana, toast).

You're right not to make food a battle ground, and stick with that. It is most likely a phase and one he will grow out of. Try to look at food over a week rather than a day. Mine definitely has hungry weeks and not hungry weeks.

Try looking at offering freely available foods (cheese, breadsticks, veg) and seeing if he eats a bit more that way.

There are some good accounts on Instagram (feedinglittles) that might help too.

Not much advice. My son is very similar. Progressively getting worse and worse. Now 2 years 10 months and dinners basically may as well not exist. My only advice is to try and always make sure there is something on his plate he will eat. Whatever that is. Also serve really small portions or, even better, serving bowls in the middle and let him do it himself. Helps with the control element. If mine doesn't eat (most nights) I just don't react, it goes away and that's that. Mine isn't hungry and doesn't fuss. I figure he just doesn't like or want dinner. We can't force them to eat like you say. So we need to try and not stress. My god I know it's hard though. Trust me I've had secret tears about how little stuff he eats! Solidarity

On the topic of encouraging a toddler to eat, I personally think that there's nothing you can do "wrong" at this stage that will harm them for life. They will change immensely once they start talking and developing emotional regulation. This will happen in just 1-2 years so forcing a toddler to adhere to arbitrary rules right now doesn't make much sense on the long run.

DD is also 2.5 and only on the 3rd percentile. She's always been tiny and there are hereditary/ethnic factors involved so it's not a medical issue, but for obvious reasons I still try to get as many calories in her as possible. I just do whatever works at the moment...I notice she eats well if other people are present but picks at food when alone, unless distracted by a screen. So I allow screen time because getting the right nutrition inside her every day seems more beneficial for health than the unquantifiable effects of looking at a screen. Snacks can be hugely beneficial as well, so use that to your advantage. You can easily increase the calorie content to make it equal to a meal (add butter, nut butter, avocado/guacamole, cream cheese, whole milk etc)

She also goes through toddler phases of loving one thing this week and hating it the next. I just go with the flow and serve what I hope she likes and if not, then I test out new foods in hopes she'll pick a new favourite. I notice she's much more adventurous when eating with other children. Unfortunately this might be hard during covid times but the few play dates we had really increased her range of foods afterwards. Seeing other children eat and eating in an exciting environment often jump starts the picky eaters out of their comfort zone. Your toddler was probably also in lockdown for more than half their lifetime, so this might have contributed to the pickiness (or generally associating meals with boredom), but that will change fairly soon.

My opinion, possibly unpopular, is that disordered eating in children (and later adults) comes largely from observing the behaviour of their parents over many many years. This only kicks in when children are old enough to see and remember how their parents treat food, what portion sizes are served, how they order at restaurants etc. Letting a toddler eat toast in front of a TV does not give them lifelong "self regulation" issues because they are barely forming memories of anything at this stage.

Thank you. Really helpful and interesting. I really appreciate the time you've taken to write these messages.

Funny you mention snacks, @PastelFlowerJelly. I was literally just saying to my husband that maybe we should not give him snacks, to see if he isn't hungry enough to eat his meals because he's getting his calories from snacks. But it sounds like that isn't an ideal approach?

Actually as a toddler I think you CAN live on healthy snacks. If you had, a few crackers or a piece of wrap, some chunks of cheese, hard boiled eggs, fruit, some nuts, maybe some cold sausages, cold pasta with pesto, sticks of cucumber/pepper/carrot, cherry tomatoes, mini muffins and oaty bars, yoghurt,.etc - these things are perfectly good.

I do honestly think toddlers often have a tiny appetite as they are so busy, so you only have to take the edge off the appetite then they are full and running off again. Especially now the weather is hot!

I'm definitely pushing snacks at my DS, so he can eat on the go. He has a little lunchbox which we take in the garden, or have a picnic indoors or wherever we happen to be, lots of healthy things and one treat. He gets very excited choosing what to eat.

That is really reassuring, thank you! So I should push the (healthy) snacks rather than limit them? And maybe put less focus on meals at the table?

What about vegetables though... he used to eat tons and now seems to detest them! Surely he needs them? He will sometimes eat carrot and hummus if he's in the mood but I can't remember the last time he ate vegetables otherwise (apart from this eve when watching tv).

@surreygirl1987 I guess the thing I think about is - what can you actually DO about that right now? If he won't eat them he won't eat them!! All you can do is offer and hope one day it happens again. The most my son will eat vegetable wise is cucumber sticks and a handful of peas. But I keep putting little bits down in the hope one day he will eat them. It's very hard knowing he doesn't I agree.

So strange my 2.5 year old who usually is a bottomless pit and eats all day has become a fussy eater over this past month and its driving me insane. Maybe an age thing?

Must be an age thing. 6 months ago my then 2 year old was hoarding brocoli and wouldn't let us have any as he wanted it all himself. Now he thinks itnis disgusting (along with pretty much all food). It's annoying but also worrying!

You're right about the veg thing. I did think about trying to hide veggies in stuff (like pureed veg in his pasta sauce?). But I don't know if that's a terrible idea. Gosh I hope he grows out of this! But surely they NEED vegetables or they'll be deficient in certain vitamins? I don't know...