Strategies for a scatterbrained 8 year old??

[FusionChefGeoff]

We were putting it down to age but even his teacher commented at what a mess his tray is / floor near desk!!

Always losing / forgetting things and then we get annoyed and he feels annoyed with himself

Room would be a pigsty apart from constant reminders / a rule that he tidied before screen time and then it usually takes 2/3 attempts to get it habitable.

Constantly distracted / loses focus and feel like by now we really shouldn't have to be micromanaging his every move but if we don't he just forgets everything!!!

Any tips for making his life and our life easier??

Mines the same! Try memory games, and give one instruction at a time, which works well and ds is now doing more for himself. Keep working on it and try to not stress. It’s easy for little ones to become overwhelmed.

Failing that, a chart for bedtime / morning routine is something I was going to have a go at.

Might be worth checking ADHD

Read about ADHD. Sounds like my DD.

I've been thinking ADD or ADHD recently - but school haven't said anything (apart from the mess) so I'm not sure if I'm just expecting too much of him? He's really bright and achieving in school so he's able to concentrate / focus on things he's interested in and can build Lego sets for hours (but only when they're new - once built he ignores them!)

I've definitely noticed he responds better to very specific one at a time instructions rather than 'tidy your room' but it's exhausting standing there 'can you pick up those pants, ok next put your books back on the shelves... now where does xx live?.... and now put your washing away....."

I'm going to work on a 'morning' and 'after school' check list with him to see if that might help. But it's the losing stuff at school / sports / holiday clubs that's really hard to police

@FusionChefGeoff this does sound very much like it could be ADHD.
My DS is also bright and therefore gets on at school ok for the most part, and can really focus for stuff that engages him - but just completely switches off if it doesn’t. For him, this means all written work is a complete uphill struggle.
Do some more reading - there are lots of books of strategies out there. I follow Prof Amanda Kirby on Twitter, she posts lots of helpful information.

IME, schools won't flag up unless there are significant problems with behaviour management, which only happens if they have the hyperactive kind and the hyperactivity is very bad. It is up to you to push for assessment if there are only other signs.

The idea that kids (or anyone) with ADHD are unable to concentrate on anything is a bit of a myth - the name doesn't help - it's common for ADHDers to be able to focus when we're interested in something, in fact often to the point of getting too engrossed and blocking out everything else (hyperfocus).

A useful book I found is Smart But Scattered. It helps you work on those executive function skills, but it will also flag up if they are significantly delayed compared to other kids his age (in which case definitely look into ADHD).

For the bedroom instructions, you can write them out as a checklist rather than standing and giving one at a time instructions. But they likely will need to be broken down into one by one if the executive function is lacking.

I've also started noticing that I am also very easily distracted - but it's more like that cartoon about the woman clearing the coffee table - I just am half way through doing one job but notice something else that needs doing too so I do that - then forget what else I was first doing. But then I am very organised generally so maybe that's just life with kids!

If he does have ADHD but presumably a 'low level' I doubt that they'd actually do anything about it??

I'll look at that book recommendation thanks

It does run in families and it's not unusual at all to get a school aged DC assessed and then realise that you have it yourself! Sometimes people with ADHD come across as very organised because it is a coping mechanism that you've developed in order to live with it successfully. But that said it could just be life with kids - you do end up being constantly interrupted.

As I understand it, in the UK it can take a long time to get a diagnosis, so it is worth starting the ball rolling as soon as you suspect, just in case it does get worse. If it isn't causing a problem at school then generally nothing is done (this winds me up as an attitude, but understandably people are often anxious about medicating children unless there is a clear cost/benefit scale tip) but medication if you did choose to go that route would help with things like the executive function which may reduce friction at home. Also if it did start to affect his school work later down the line, it would just reduce any delays there as you could get something started a bit quicker without first having to go through the waiting list and then assessment process if you'd already done that and got the paperwork.

@TeaandHobnobs how old is your son? Does he have an actual diagnosis or do you just recognise what I've described?

Maybe just work on one organisational thing at the time? Sounds like quite a lot of tasks involved in tidying away. E.g. just drill putting the books on the shelves and forget about the Lego or laundry for a while. It sounds like you are asking more of him than he can reasonably manage given his particular strengths and weaknesses. He is also quite young. You say you are generally organised so perhaps that is why it frustrates you.

@Yika you're absolutely right - I do get frustrated that he lives in an orderly / mostly clutter free house where I spend a lot of time and effort making sure that there's 'homes' for everything. I try to make life as easy as possible for eveyone. So when I find his shin pads abandoned on the landing / bathroom / under his bed for the hundredth time instead of in the boot bag in the cupboard then I do get annoyed - but it is my issue and he's obviously not doing it to annoy me / on purpose so I shouldn't take it so personally.

I also like the idea of one focus - at the moment I've done 'curtains, bed, floor' but maybe I should just do 1 at a time then move to the next one and break them down even further.

It breaks my heart when he admits that he's cross / upset with himself after we've lost our rag after the last thing that's gone missing.

So I'm reallly keen to get a complete mind shift to helping him and not getting so cross ourselves

@BertieBotts just signed up for Audible and got that book! Will listen whilst pottering / running / in the car.

DH might knee jerk away from the 'label' idea as he's a bit old fashioned with stuff like that so I might just stick with 'I think he needs help with executive function and this is a recommended book' as it doesn't scream ADHD I might get away with it!

@FusionChefGeoff he has just turned 9. We’ve known that “something” was up with him since Reception, and have been in discussions with school SENCO for years about him, but it was only seeing an EdPsych at the end of of last year that suggested ADHD - and now I know about it, it describes him to a T. We are now on the path for clinical diagnosis.
Like @BertieBotts said, I’m very concerned about how he is going to cope with schoolwork later on (he just can’t seem to do the stuff he will need to do to pass exams like GCSE English!), so I want to have support in place before he transitions to secondary school.
I know he will be amazing in life, but he is a total square peg in a round hole in the school system…