How do you keep your sanity?

[Mummysarah12]

I am mum to DD1 age 2.2 and DS2 age 3 months. I am on maternity leave & just finding everything so much harder than I ever imagined. DD1 goes to a childminder 2 days a week, my mum comes up 1 day a week & my partner works from home. So I get more help I am sure that a lot of people. DD1 generally sleeps through & DD2 generally only wakes once so sleep isn’t as disastrous as it could be.

But I just find things so hard, I have days where I am in floods of tears as I just find things too much. When I have both of them on my own I really feel like I can’t cope. DD1 is so demanding & jealous at DD2 and I really struggle to get DD2 to sleep as she is just so noisy which results in him getting over tired. I try & get out the house during the day as much as I can but feel pretty limited to the park as feel petrified to take the 2 of them anywhere else.
My partner’s dad is currently in unwell in hospital so he hasn’t been around much at the weekends as he has been visiting him. I just constantly have a feeling of dread hanging over me & spend a lot of my days feeling like crying & feeling very isolated. I struggle to even go basic things like have a shower & get something to eat. My house is so disgusting as I haven’t cleaned in so long.

Yesterday DD1 was at the childminder but DS2 was unsettled due to his injections so I spent the whole day trying to settle him which was just so draining.
I know there are a lot of mums in my position who are completely on their own & manage to survive so I feel like I am being a bit pathetic.
Can anyone share any survival tips? People tell me it gets easier but I feel so trapped at the moment...

Having a 3 month old baby is extremely demanding and that's not even taking the toddler into account.(another demanding stage!!) It is very early days. Its great you do have support but it is still a big adjustment. Don't expect too much of yourself. Just managing is OK. As you go on you will get glimpses of light and things will get easier. Your dh being tied up is not helping but that's the reality of life at the moment.
How were you after your first dc was born?
When your dm comes can you get out to do something for yourself? Meet a friend for a walk or a coffee? Can dh take over in the evening. My dh would keep the new baby downstairs once toddler was in bed and l would go up have a bath get into bed read a magazine...anything to get headspace for myself. Then when it was time to settle baby he would bring him up and l would feel more able to cope after having that space and a bit of normality.
If you find yourself overwhelmed a lot maybe speak to your GP or health visitor as its possible you may have a wee bit of post natal depression. Don't panic over this but it's good to be honest with them as they may have advice.

Hi. First of all you are amazing - I have been there exactly with the same age difference. It's pure survival mode , that's all I can say, until they get a bit older.

I would suggest visiting the dr to see if you have post natal depression / though to be honest you are probably just knackered and overwhelmed. Don't worry about the house, it won't always be like that. I used to put the little one in a bouncer while I had a shower, older one on the iPad. Don't worry if done days there is too much tv. You need a rest. Have you got friends with kids a similar age you can meet? Or sit in your garden whilst the little ones play? I promise promise you that it will get better, day by day . Sending lots of love and hugs xx

I have a 17 month age gap between mine and I remember the first 3 months being really hard and things got better from there on out. And I’m one of the ones who had no help with childcare other then the weekend when DH was off. DS2 was born in the middle of the pandemic.

Things I found helpful were getting as much organised the night before as I could. Overnight oats for breakfast for me and DS1, make lunch and leave in the fridge and prep a slow cooker dinner. Don’t worry about housework other than the odd few dishes you need or throwing on a clothes wash. Set up an activity for toddler while you feed/settle the baby and tv is a perfectly acceptable activity at this stage.

My baby would only sleep in a sling during the day so that was torture at times in terms of noise but slept well at night like yours. Will baby nap in the buggy and do you have a double? Once he napped in the cot it was a lot easier and I could play white noise.

Highly recommend taking some time to yourself at least a couple times a week for breathing space. Even just a 30 minute walk helps, I used to listen to a podcast to zone out. And I promise you it does get better. Mine are 2.2 and 9 months old now and I would happily do it all again, even though I felt how you do a few months ago.

I drink quite a lot of wine...

I've got bigger age gap but I found around 2yo really challenging with just one so hats off to you. There were definitely days where all three of us were crying at the same time in those early days! Things I've found useful with two:
Sling for baby so you're hands free with toddler
TV for toddler - it won't do them any harm to have more than you would like
Nappy changing spot on both floors so you're not traipsing a toddler round the house
Getting prepped - going out bag sorted the night before, buggy where it needs to be in order to go out, easy and basic meals
Shower at night when they're both asleep
Days with just baby are my housework catch up days - he doesn't really care what we do so he watches me do loads of washing or we go to Tesco to do the big shop. We usually go for at least one long walk on those days too which is my "me time" and I really value it.

13 month gap here, youngest is 10 months. Being organised is the key I think, I never used to be but have found it's the only way to keep on top of things. I also got a cleaner. Use click and collect at supermarket. I had undiagnosed PND until last week, so I've started sertraline which is helping. Coffee.

It's so hard isn't it, but everyone says it will get better 🎉