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How to deal with school playground friendship issues?

9 replies

Mamabearwhere · 11/06/2021 01:23

To cut a long story short, my 6 year old has been having problems with one particular school friend since September. Said friend apparently stops other friends playing with or sitting with my dd during play time and most days my dd comes up upset about this. I initially tried to manage the situation by encouraging my dd to ignore the behaviour, play with other children not in that circle, but that hasn’t helped and it also made me question WHY should my dd not plan with who she wants to and that I was wrong to say make other friends.

I then thought I arrange play dates with this friend so strengthen their friendship but this didn’t help either.

Another factor to the story is I am very good friends with her mum but haven’t said anything (not sure why, I’ve just always assumed best never to confront the parents in these situations)

Few weeks ago after my dd had a particularly bad few days I decided to have a call with her class teacher to explain. She wasn’t too amazing snd quite dismissive saying my dd should go and tell her when she feels upset. Of course this happens only in playground so that teacher isn’t there on playground duty so her suggestion doesn’t really work.

What am I meant to do? Part of me thinks there’s just a few more weeks of the school year and to just leave it since in September they won’t be in the same class, but other part of me says a few weeks is still a long time for my dd to be feeling upset daily over this one child’s behaviour. Plus they would still mingle in the playground in September.

What do I do? Do I speak to her mum in a gentle, non complaining way?

I know another mum had the opposite issue with this same child who was preventing her dd from playing with other kids and being possessive of her daughter. With my dd it’s more a case of not letting other kids play with her. (Mentioning this bit as I think the child probably has some issues with friendship/social skills)

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Fitforforty · 11/06/2021 02:48

Never talk to another parent. Talk to your child’s teacher about the issue.

FortunesFave · 11/06/2021 02:51

I had this with DD2. What I did was actively encourage a LOT of other playdates so DD was able to forge more friendships quite quckly. Because there were then around 4 other girls that had a deeper relationship with DD, she felt stronger in the playground and more able to manage the other kid's expectations.

FortunesFave · 11/06/2021 02:51

@Fitforforty

Never talk to another parent. Talk to your child’s teacher about the issue.
She said she already has...

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Fitforforty · 11/06/2021 02:54

Then go back to them and say it’s still an issue.

Mamabearwhere · 11/06/2021 06:40

@Fitforforty I really do believe in this but I feel like there’s no other way. Her teacher isn’t very helpful at all but I will attempt again. I almost feel like she just looks at this as just another playground issue that she’s seen before but obv for my child it affects her day to day.

@FortunesFave yes I totally agree with you, and I have tried (where possible within Covid rules) to do lots of play dates and encourage her to take up clubs that she can meet other kids in. And she actually has done amazing and made lots of friends. However her two very close friends are also very close with this child so naturally the problems keeps coming up. I also think it’s unfair that my dd should go and find new friends just because another child said “you can’t play with us”.

Breaks my heart :(

OP posts:
Marshy86 · 11/06/2021 06:52

If you put the situation in reverse would you want to know if your daughter was doing this to your friends daughter ? I don't think you need to make a big thing of it with your friend just ask if her daughters ok and mention what's been going on whilst being understanding there might be a reason why this is happening and wanting to get it resolved so they can all be friends again.

romdowa · 11/06/2021 07:02

I'd say it to my friend that their child was excluding mine from playing with other kids.

rainbowstardrops · 11/06/2021 07:23

I work with this age group and this unfortunately goes on regularly. If the teacher had been ineffective then I'd suggest explaining to your DD that she must report it to an adult on play duty. Every time.

The adult should then speak to the child that's excluding your DD and explain that it isn't ok. If it then persists then there would be consequences for the child.
Having said that, an awful lot of parents complain to the school to say their child is being left out/picked on etc etc and yet in reality, it's often the other way around! (Not that I'm saying this about your DD).

De88 · 13/06/2021 21:40

This is bullying, plain and simple. Teacher needs to take it seriously, what's the school policy? Hope September comes quickly for you all!

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