Dealing with young toddler tantrums gentle parenting

[Ireallywantsomechips]

Hi all!

I’m looking into gentle parenting and I’d love to hear how you handle tantrums with young toddlers? My daughter is 15 months and most of what I’ve read applies to 2 years +

My main question is when it comes to the calming/comforting part I don’t know what to do. I know she won’t want to be cuddled when she’s having a tantrum and I hardly think she’s going to be copying my breathing in and out slowly!

Also how do you handle telling them no and they just carry on? Normally I say no and explain why then if she carries on remove her from the situation would this still be ok? Or should I offer distractions with choices if she’s not in danger?

It’s a minefield out there!

I have a 14mo and its all about distraction at this age.

I'd recommend Janet Lansbury (she has written a book, which I haven't read, but I follow her on FB and have found it so useful) and the book 'How to Talk so little kids will listen.'

I try to acknowledge his feelings, and just stay with him while he melts down / tantrums and let him know I'm with him if he wants a cuddle - he will usually come and get a hug when he I'd over the worst of the tantrum.

My son is 3 now but I’ve been gentle parenting throughout. I tend to pick my battles carefully but be firm when I do. At first I found myself saying no to things I wasn’t actually bothered about just because someone made me feel I should, I also don’t say no if there’s any chance I would give in after all because that’s a terrible lesson to learn that nagging works.
Once I’ve decided it’s a no, I say no and why not very clearly and then empathise with how they may feel.
“You can’t play with knives because they will cut you and it will hurt, I know it’s not nice having things taken from you but mammy wants to keep you safe.”
I would also take the object/change the situation.
If there’s tears or a bit of stomping etc I say “come and have a hug when your ready” and give them space.
I also move the subject on - I’m not keen on distraction because it feels a bit belittling to how a child feels but try to
Avoid dwelling to long so say “ah next we are putting our shoes on and making sure we have the keys so we can go off on a walk” just talking at him normally helps move things along

Are there any more books or podcasts etc that you'd recommend for gentle parenting? I've seen the Dr Shefali books and also books by Sarah Ockwell.