Childcare is getting hard work/tricky!

[again2020]

I work 3 days a week, it's 30 miles away from home. The routine is my DD goes to nursery 2 days and my MIL has her the third day, and since I went back to work in September (after furlough) DD stays overnight and I get her the next morning. I always thought this was a lot to ask of MIL who is 68, but she adores DD and they were very close.

Until the last couple of weeks! DD is now saying she 'doesn't want to go to nanny's' and it's boring and she wants to stays with me. Today it took me and MIL 15 minutes to get out of the car and it was awkward as DD said she wanted to 'see grandma instead' (this made MIL upset and annoyed as her and my mother don't get on or speak ..long story) and she was also saying she didn't like MILs friends. MIL lives in over 55s accommodation and the friend in question was outside! MIL said DD has anger issues and she knew it would come to light eventually ..I think she is referring to my poor mental health when she was young and me and her dad have had our problems, which have settled down now. DD finally came out of the car in the end and seemed ok. All in all it was stressful and not a good way to start the day and I was late for work.

MIL was saying it's time for her to go to full time nursery or school and it makes me think she's had enough of looking after her. This is fine by me. DD starts preschool in September but I'm wondering what to do until then. I think her nursery are full to capacity at the moment.
DD is 3.5 by the way. Has anyone been in this situation?
How do childminders work, do you need to drop them off at their house or do they come to your house? It isn't easy at all, not helped by traffic being back to pre-covid levels so takes ages to get to work! Almost makes me think about leaving my job but I wouldn't without a replacement lined up.

Thanks if you read all that.

Why not look for a childminder near where you work. You and dd can listen to stories and songs in the car, tell stories, have a snack or nap.

Most childminders work from their own homes as they usually look after more than one child.

Looking for one near your work is a good idea.

At 3.5 your DD is old enough to be listened to I think. What does she do with your MIL?

Sound like MIL a can’t look after her anymore.

Why don’t you increase her existing nursery to 3 days a week? What’s the plan for September - will see be going to a school nursery before starting school? What are you going to do for childcare around school? - this may impact on which childminder you choose if you go down this route.

You take your child to a childminder as they look after a number of children so they normally wouldn’t be able to collect.

3

Thanks for all the advice.
I will have to ring nursery but they have previously said they are full to capacity.

MIL takes her to the park but it's never for long and they spend a lot of time indoors or just doing house jobs. DD is pretty active and has just started dancing and softplay again...she probably wants to do these things more.

I would enquire about an extra day at nursery. Many who are leaving for school end up leaving in July at the start of the school holidays if they have older siblings in school and a parent or someone else will be home over the summer with the older child anyway. Also, many are away over the summer, so you may be able to put her in for ad hoc days where there is a space.

In the meantime, can you do just the shortest days possible and no overnights? I would actually be uncomfortable will all of this. Mine is nearing 3.5 and it would take quite a lot for him to express that he didn't like a particular adult. Not to be alarmist, but I would personally be worried about what is happening when you aren't there. Your MIL doesn't sound very nice. I think if mine said that about our 3.5 year old, dh and I would both be in swift agreement that she wouldn't be having him on her own anymore.

@mindutopia good point about nursery, I will ring up.

Yep, MIL has made my life difficult since I had DD but in other ways she can't do enough for us and I feel like I have to keep her onside so it's tricky.

I think it sounds like they've grown out of each other and they're not a good fit anymore, so is start looking for other options.

Childminders are a great option. One near your DD preschool would be great, because then perhaps the childminder could take/pick up your DD from preschool and take the pressure off you a bit?