Can a child be TOO tender hearted?

[bbatson]

Is there a point at which a child can be too tender hearted?

My 6-year old son has a heart of pure gold and is very sensitive. I love this about him, but at the same time I wonder if there's anything specific I could/should be doing to curb this extreme for his long-term benefit.

He is not shy; in fact, he is often a social butterfly and the life of the party. But his feelings are very easily hurt so my wife and I need carefully navigate any unpleasant situation, choosing our words carefully with plenty of positive reinforcement.

We even need to be careful about the music we play in the house or in the car, as most songs with any emotional charge will make him “happy cry" (examples include
My 6-year old son has a heart of pure gold and is very sensitive. I love this about him, but at the same time I wonder if there's anything specific I could/should be doing to curb this extreme for his long-term benefit.

He is not shy; in fact, he is often a social butterfly and the life of the party. But his feelings are very easily hurt so my wife and I need carefully navigate any unpleasant situation, choosing our words carefully with plenty of positive reinforcement.

We even need to be careful about the music we play in the house or in the car, as most songs with any emotional charge will make him “happy cry" (examples include Billy Joel's “Lullabye" and even a more upbeat song like Tim McGraw's “Just to See You Smile"). At first this was endearing (and if I'm honest, still is) but I can't help but wonder if these are signs of any underlying condition(s) that I should be learning more about and providing him with the proper treatment.

He is my purpose in life and I just want the best for him. I really appreciate any insight you can provide.

-Brian

Sorry for the jumbled text. I can't find the edit button and was having trouble making my initial post.

Short answer: no. He sounds very well-adjusted in his peer group and emotionally he may well be ahead of his peers, having more empathy. Yes, there's a chance other kids might notice if he appears "soft" but there's no reason this makes him vulnerable to bullying, as long as you teach him what "good friendship" looks like, so that he has self-respect and can stand up for himself.

It is unusual, I would say, for a child to happy-cry at music at that age - might indicate something rather special. Have you thought about music lessons for your son? It's a good age to pick up a recorder or even start piano or violin. He might really enjoy learning to express himself through music. Just a thought.

I think it'd be worth looking into highly sensitive children. Nothing wrong at all, it's to do with temperament. He sounds like a lovely boy.

Thanks so much for your reply and insight. I really appreciate it. Yes, I've taken his reaction to listening to music and introduced him to guitar and piano, which he is quite good at. Thank you again.

Are you sure you're doing the right thing by trying to shield him from all this? he has to experience everything for himself to learnt to deal with it.
You won't be hovering over for ever and in many situations it's a better learning experience to empathise with him and reflect his feeling than protect him or fix it on his behalf.
It's very easy for parents anxieties to be self fulfilling prophecies once you are intervening. Worth a thought anyway!
Good luck.

I don’t think it’s kind to your son to have constantly choose your words carefully around him and treating him so delicately. Children (and adults) will have negative emotions and they need to learn how to cope with them. Resilience is built by learning that you can cope in difficult situations so shielding him is just kicking a can down the road. It’s better that he learns how to cope now when he is six and you are there to support and help him with his emotions, than for him to discover it much later on.

Google the dandelion and the orchid. May give you some insight. I have one of each. The orchid needs just a little more time to absorb what's going on around him

@johnd2

Are you sure you're doing the right thing by trying to shield him from all this? he has to experience everything for himself to learnt to deal with it. You won't be hovering over for ever and in many situations it's a better learning experience to empathise with him and reflect his feeling than protect him or fix it on his behalf. It's very easy for parents anxieties to be self fulfilling prophecies once you are intervening. Worth a thought anyway! Good luck.

Really appreciate your feedback. My question was regarding if I could/should be doing anything to temper the often extreme emotion. Right now I do not for reasons you stated. Right now I take every measure I can to make sure he doesn't feel weird for experiencing his emotions, reassuring him and telling him that I understand and that it's OK. So my question is regarding if my response should change in any way. With these responses I am more encouraged that I am handling it properly.

My ds was a very sensitive child who would be emotional about pictures in books, cartoons on TV and lots of unexpected things. I did what you did with lots of positive reinforcwment and as my ds got older he got better at not being so emotional. He is 12 now and I don't think of him as being overly emotional but he can be a very anxious child. He is not shy.

Ahhh, sounds like my little sister. She’s 20 now and still very artistic and sensitive- will paint song lyrics on her wall in the middle of the night, that sort of thing- but it hasn’t done her any harm, she’s lovely and doing theatre design at uni now. Sounds like he’s just a sensitive little soul, I wouldn’t worry.

Thank you guys, really appreciate you taking the time to respond.

This is really interesting as I was a child JUST like this, and my parents didn't try and change anything about me, never saw it as a negative.
Problem is, I haven't changed and my oversensitivity has probably held me back as an adult.
I absolutely don't think you should try and stop these overt emotions, BUT, I do think you are very smart to think about the genuine impact this could have down the line.
I don't know what the answer is, I've tried CBT and stuff - nothings worked for me. I can't listen to songs, watch films - just watching someone struggle in the street could set me off. And if it happens at work - it's prettttty embarrassing. I'm not depressed. I'm not sad. My emotions are just too near the surface somehow.
Just saying, I think it's great that you've recognised it might not be a gift later in life if they end up not able to control it should they wish to.