How do you deal with family members who go OTT on gifts/treats

[ConnorTraceptive]

And not just a xmas - seems to be all year round.

I hate it, it drives me nuts. DS is only 2 so too young to understand or care about the value of things but if this carries on he's going to come to expect it isn't he? and as much as I hate to say it he's going to become like my BIL children who are lovely kids BUT are incredibly materialistic and generally lacking in appreciation for things.

(Yes I know judgey judgey)

Watching them at xmas is a souless experience as they open their mountains of presents with barely a glint of excitement. It's like you can see them mentally ticking off the check list of things they asked for.

I've already had a heated discussion with MIL about what she intends to buy him for Christmas (ie too much) and that ended with a "He's my GS I'll spend what I want"

I think what guts me most is that he's my little boy and of course I want to spoil him occassionally but when he's constantly being spoilt by everyone around him I feel like I have to refrain from doing it. I want it to be our gift at Xmas that's the most special and exciting but when his grandparents are matching and infact exceeding what we can afford to spend how is that possible?

Sorry this is more of a rant really. I'm not an ungratefull cow honest, I just want them all to tone it down a bit.

all this because so far this week he has been given a total of 3 advent calenders. Maybe I would have liked to have chosen his advent calender. God that's a tad pathetic I know but anyhoo.

I agree with you Connor - im sorry, but little kiddies get much much more from time and attention than £££ and presents.

My dad spoils my girls, but with the right balance. He see's them at least once a week and will sit and read/play games etc etc etc with them. When it comes to birthdays/christmas, he usually spends about £30-50 on each of them. He knows we are skint and cant afford to spend that much on the girls, but he is a little naughty in that he will wrap, and tag it from santa and leave it at our house (he is here or we are at his anyway christmas morning) so the irls dont actually know its from grandad.

I think a lot of it also comes down to what the gifts are. So far my dad has bought my girls books and play dough for christmas.... their 2 favourite things! He has bought me tickets to see Boyzone in May in london. He is getting DH Season 3 of Lost on DVD.

I would much rather my kids had a decent relationship with my dad than to think "when i see grandad im going to get x,y,z" and so far its working.... the only real treats outside of brithdays/christmas is the odd bag of sweets which i dont mind at all.

The in-laws on the other hand..... spend as little as possible despite being loaded, and see the girls on average 2-3 times a year. When they do see them, they arent all that interested. Will be interesting to see what they get the girls for christmas this year. I know my dad makes up for the love and attention they dont get from the in-laws though.

My dds go to MILs about once a month. I send them off in nice clothes and they come back in nasty ugly stuff!!!
I cant bare it!
DDs love the clothes and i have difficulty in keeping it all from them once its at home.

My ggod grief she has awful, old fashioned cheap taste!

The last thing was white baggy jeans with tassles around the bottom of the legs. So they were 3/4length with the tassles of white denim hanging around their ankles. They also had sharp itchy sequin detail (that wasnt done well) all down one of the legs. My god they were awful!

Blimey! It's a rare day for me when DD isn't in skin-up head-to-toe outfits from other people! I have two very enthusiastic grandmothers who buy her lots of outfits. I can see why, it's a fun thing to do, and for my Mum DD is her only GC, for MIL the only GD.
However despite the fact that's it's done for lovely reasons, I have had a bit of a chat with my Mum about always bringing stuff. She has told me that she wants Granny's (regular) visits to be about seeing Granny, not getting stuff, so that's good. She still does it though, with the excuse that DD is too little yet to understand the present-giving, so she'll keep going while she can.
Hopefully we'll be able to set more groundrules when DD is older (she's 1), for the moment, it's nice for DD to have toys and clothes while we're on a tight budget.

I have to say ct, that i was gonna post exactly the same. I have real trouble keeping up with dp's parents. Not just as far as ds is concerned but for us too. It makes you feel kinda inadequate and its also v expensive. My folks don't go mad at xmas, which i like, but i end up spending loads on dp's folks cos they buy us too much. It doesn't seem fair. To the point that this year i have told dp that we're not going

There on xmas day, so ds can have a day that isn't spent entirely just opening presents and will get time at home to enjoy the ones we gave him first. Is that mean? We will see them on boxing day instead.

my two get showered with presents

but they are not spoilt (imo)

have a clear out, give extra toys to other people/school/playgroup etc

explain that they are very lucky and some children are not

you are WASTING your breath trying to stop grandparents and family getting presents

just accept them gratefully, then pass them on to other people, obviously with your children helping and going over the "you are luck" thing again

The awful clothes thing sounds like one of those little family land mines that will inevitably explode during an unguarded drunken moment.

"So, MIL, exactly why is it that you feel my daughters should be dressed like Dolly Parton? While the clothes are vile, what really worries me is that you'll have them to stay for the week when they're 16 and they'll come home with DD boob implants."

olive oil - i agree that's its a waste of breath with MIL but it seems to me that she buys forthe sake of buying, not becuase she thinks we want it. one year she bought me a hideous bright-pink, nylon housecoat (a housecoat ffs) which even the charity shop ran a mile from. Why? Because i didn't have one I suppose, and she thought she should spend £10 or whatever on it. Along with about £50-worth of other stuff, just for me. I hate stuff, our house is crammed with stuff, I would be glad of a box of chocs or bottle of something that I can eat/drink and be rid of.

And Mrstittlemouse - I think at the age of 1 it's prob. more ok for gp to buy whatever they see, (and esp. for girls) but not for a 5yo boy. She doesn't do it so much now, because we've come to an agreement. We had to, as she would buy about 2 t-shirts each, every time she went on hols, (twice a year) whcih means that by the time ds3 got them handed down, he has about 100 t-shirts, all of which are still good.
And I don't let her buy advent calenders, that's MY job.

I get round the "problem" (actually I don't consider it to be one) of generous grandparents by letting them get the kids' presents. I tell them what the kids want and they buy it. We haven't bought very much at all since dd's first Christmas when I realised how excessive it was going to be if we all bought something. The kids think it all comes from Santa anyway and as long as they get what's on their list (limited to three items) I don't think it matters who pays for it. I sympathise with the all year round spoiling - my parents have set up funds for all their grandchildren and pay money in each month. It was their suggestion to avoid this very problem. The children won't get the money until they are 21, they don't know anything about it, they are happy to see their grandparents because they like being with them which I think is much nicer than always asking "What have you brought for me?"

I've solved the problem in the same way. I sent them the wish list of all the things the dc wanted and they have just bought it all so I really don't need to get them any more this year. I won't either because I find it too much when a child has absoloutly everything so that you have to start buying rubbish just for the sake of giving a gift. My dc have no wishes left because at 8 and 9 they practically own everything they ever wanted to own. It would do them good to miss out on Christmas for a couple of years! Dd's room is like a toy shop from a dream.

Clairvoint are we related you're right though it does get expensive and you feel inadequate.

To be fair they have consulted me on what to buy ds so he isn't getting anything innapropriate or naff.

I would love to say that I will just grin and bare it but I feel I need to reach a compromise.

Hi sparkybabe,
I can see how it would all get a bit mad. We're in the position where an aunt wanted to know what to get DD for Christmas and the answer was "anything". There really isn't anything that she needs. And if we have another (fingers crossed), and it's a girl, we really won't need anything. Actually, we've been offered a load of boys' stuff from family if we have another, so we won't need stuff if we have a boy either.
I agree with most posters here that sometimes GPs seem to buy stuff, just because they love buying stuff. My Mum can't see to exit a shop empty-handed. She went to Ikea this week and bought DD a soft toy "because they would give 1 pound to Unicef if you bought a toy". DH and I are of the opinion that you can just give the pound to Unicef yourself!
Mind you, we're really bucking family tradition here. Everyone is horrified that we don't buy DD birthday and Christmas presents. She's one! She has no idea whether we get anything. She has everything that she needs, and there will be plenty of years to spoil her in the future, why start now?

Agree with you Mrs TM - I just think that by the age of 11 the kids are going to want mobiles, comp.games, ipods etc. Save it up till then!
And BTW I do give mIL a list of things she can buy (one pressent each, about £15) and then she buys another load as well.
This happens at birthdays as well. And she will insist on buying for the 2 who are not having birthdays, to stop them feeling 'left out'.

I think we might be
like you say it isnt just christmas, Ive had this since before ds was born....she didnt leave me any clothes to buy for my new baby, then when we had a boy, we got loads more... I've just thrown out 2 left over easter ducks (which were beatiful, but gone out of date), cos ds had too many easter chocs... they bought him a stack of stuff for his birthdays and last xmas too (he's also 2) ....

In her defence she loves ds dearly and regularly babysits for us, and he loves her dearly too....

likewise i agree with sparklybabe, you just end up with too much stuff. I told dp to drop a hint (long before ds was born) that i felt uncomfortable with all the presents they buy me and that if they wanted I'd rather just have one thing, but it didnt really sink in

Oh god don't get me started on presents for the non birthday siblings!!!!!!!

A subject after my own heart! DH has already had a moan about how much my mum (and dad) have brought the DS'. I can see his point as he feels DS1 is old enough now to question why he has presents from Father Christmas then Nanny turns up with another big sackful!

I've tried speaking to my mum about how mch she spends but I dont think it gets through as instead of spending £10 on a car she spends £2 and I cant get accross that DS1 doesnt understand the difference! I have asked that she doesnt buy anything for them now before Xmas so they appreciate their presents but I have no doubt some kind of spoils will still come their way!

If its chocolate - eat it yourself.

I have only recently finished DD's easter eggs (she got seven of the things! seven!)

If its chocolate - eat it yourself.

I have only recently finished DD's easter eggs (she got seven of the things! seven!)

oops