So upset and disappointed

[LifesTooShortYOLO]

Today I picked my DS who is 4 up from nursery and one of the members of staff said 'can I have a word' she pulled me to one side in front of all the parents waiting to pick up their children, and quietly informed me that today 'hadn't been a great day' as my DS had pulled a little girls hair and then laughed when she started crying, and spat in the garden area 🥺
I was absolutely mortified and really upset as (I know we all live to believe our own children are angels 😂) but he has never acted this way before and has taken a while to settle into pre school starting off last year crying hysterically while leaving me and not wanting to be there, to now enjoying going and talks about making friends and who he's played with etc and suddenly he's this kid who has pulled another girls hair 😭
She said it was completely out of character for him which it is, and that she thinks the laughing after the hair pulling was embarrassment (he does this as he doesn't know what else to do when he's told off)

I can't believe how much it got to me and upset me, I felt disappointed that my gentle timid boy had done this, and I felt embarrassed stood there while she told me what he had done today.

So I came home and said to him I hear you did a naughty thing today, he said 'mmm' and looked very sheepish, we had a big talk about it being wrong and naughty and that you do not do that under any circumstances. From watching his face and listening to him I think he really took it in and was sorry, and even a little bit worried as to how much trouble he may be in.

Don't know what I'm expecting from writing this but just wanted to vent and hear anyone's experiences with similar scenarios? Make me feel better 😂

Also to add he told me the spitting was because he had a cobweb over his mouth 🤷🏻‍♀️
Either way we talked about how we DO NOT do this and he understood

Hi OP. Reception teacher, and also mother to a tiny terror,here. I totally understand how you feel, but most kids will do something like this qt least once! It doesn't change who he is at all, he is still your lovely little boy! I've given that talk lots of times to parents. But receiving it from the other side is still embarrassing and upsetting! He is just being a typical little one and learning the rules.

It's fine. It sounds like a one off and he understands why it was wrong. I think it's a good thing for children to occasionally be told off like that. It helps them understand boundaries and how to fix things when it goes wrong. Yes, the hair pulling was unkind but children do try things out. Tomorrow is a new day!

He's 4.

Don't worry about it honestly. I totally know how you feel (I remember the first time I got taken aside for my pfb who had had the mother of all tantrums - kicking, hitting, screaming- at childcare one day. I was mortified and felt like the worst mother ever !) but remember all children have their moments and at the end of the day, no one remembers or cares about a telling off when they were at pre-school. You've done the right thing to talk about it with him but draw a line under it now and stop thinking about it! He's 4 and it's well within the realms off typical pre-school behaviour.