How do you pick yourself up again?

[thebearandthemare]

Not sure if anyone else can relate, but after a particularly tricky day...I’m struggling. Two lovely children (one toddler, one young primary school age) but everything seems like such an uphill battle- meals, bedtimes, the house is a state, I’m increasingly disorganised, terrible self-care, my own job feels harder and harder to do. It seems like the more I try, the more things unravel. E.g. cook a healthy home cooked meal and it gets rejected, try and get some bits to get organised- then comes huge meltdowns at the supermarket meaning it wasn’t worth going any way. I’m a moaning, negative person at the moment and I just can’t pick myself up again. I just don’t think I’m any good at all this and that’s why it doesn’t flow.

I should add that I have a very supportive OH, work part time but have experienced (undiagnosed at the time) PND with both children so the journey so far has felt quite scary.

Any tips for getting life back on track? Any inspirational parenting resources I could look at? What keeps you positive when things don’t go to plan? I’ve got some good parenting books but I’m just too exhausted to read them at the moment!

Hi Op, I can relate. I have had a horrendous day with my only just 4year old DS. In fact I could have written your post. My two boys behaved so badly at an appointment for DS1 who is 6 this morning that I could have cried with shame. DS2 is being assessed for adhd and DS1 has some sensory processing issues but usually well behaved, today they were uncontrollable. I haven’t got any house work done and it’s really messy. I haven’t cooked for DH and I. Everything has got on top of me and I have had enough. I am sitting in silence in semi darkness taking a few minutes to calm down. It’s ok to take time for yourself and you should not feel guilty. Everyone needs space and time to just rest and reset. Someone will be along with more wisdom than me but my little piece of advice would be to do online food shopping where possible, it was a game changer for me. Tomorrow will be better.

@NatWestPigFamily thank you so much for replying. I’m sorry you’ve had a rubbish day too I know you’re right about taking time out, I guess we have to be strict about it. I think I’ve let myself get so run down that it’s hard to climb back up. I really hope that tomorrow is a better day for you too, thanks for the tips.

Just accept that’s part of parenting. Things don’t always go to plan, and that’s ok.
It’s great you keep trying and that’s all any of us can keep doing.

My tips are - have a routine for laundry and food (meal plan plus shopping), as that seems to absorb most of my time, always tidy up at the end of the end (15 mins with some music makes a huge difference) then it’s amazing how much time there is for doing something else.

Hello, hope you do feel better after some -hot- tea and downwind.

I have had some weeks/months where I felt more down than not. I have a DH who does some things when asked so not alone but have two under 2 so also not quite a breeze.

What helps me is set small goals, really small. Like "today I will brush my teeth without holding the crying baby".

Second thing is prioritise yourself (absolutely). So I wake up and while feeding older one I make my breakfast and I eat. Warm tea. Not "I can also do dishes and laundry and maybe wipe this stain..." No. Me first. Happy me means better start.

Second thing is let them cry when needed. When I need to get something accomplished I just let them to it. You cry, I hang the laundry then I pick you up for a cuddle. That way I get the laundry done and then get a cuddle as a bonus :)

Third thing is take "you only" time. Once they are old enough not to need you 24/7 absolutely take your keys, the phone and go. Anywhere, for coffee, gym, walk the dog, sports, friends meeting - just go.

Meltdowns and tantrums and such are all part of the package I think but I personally deal with issues much better when rested, cared for, FED and watered.

By the end of the day look back and say "I have accomplished X today". Even if it's only the brushing teeth thing.

It sounds like maybe you just need a break and some time to be you again. Working part-time and doing the childcare in your off days can be exhausting, if you don't get regular breaks. I found it much easier to be back at work - it was really refreshing.

Do you have time on the weekends to go do something you want to do? Or in the evenings? A run, a swim, dinner with friends, etc. I know options for meeting up with people have been limited this year, but there are ways to do it. I regularly just go for a Saturday morning and go for a swim (I sea swim, so can do it all year round, unless it's really bad weather) and a walk on the coast path for a couple hours. Or a child-free catch up with a friend on a regular basis. Also, once mine were no longer babies, I regularly go on short breaks without them (dh is home with them). A few days away to be me, eat what I want, get out of bed when I want, go to a museum in peace, go for walks, go to a market, etc. all at my own leisurely pace and without having to drag everyone along with me is great for my mental health. Obviously, you can't do that every week, but getting regular breaks is so important for getting back to being you.

A late reply due to the usual life chaos but thank you all for taking the time to reply! There are some really useful tips here that I need to put into practice.

@ZooKeeper19 I really needed to hear those words. I’ve got to the point where I am ‘too busy’ to eat and have lost any appetite because I’m so fed up of constantly stopping to go and sort someone/ thing out. It’s so unhealthy and must be playing a huge part in my ability to cope. Your words were just what I needed to hear, thank you