Think I accidentally hit baby in sleep :(

[crystalcastles]

My second DS is a week old and we have been cosleeping for a few nights as he doea not like the cot yet. I've read what seems like every cosleep article online to make sure I am doing it as safely as possible.

However earlier tonight I had a nightmare involving my older DS and in my dream was hitting out to protect him. I then woke uo immediately as I realised I actually hit somethijg soft and think I hit my DS2 who was next to me.

He didn't even seem to notice and stayed asleep but I feel absolutely awful tjat I could have hurt him in this way. Has this happened to anyone else?? It has made me think I need to get him in the cot as soon as I can so I don't harm him by something like this happening again.

I would think surely he would have woken it you hit him?
I’ve co slept with both of mine from day one and as long as it’s done safely re duvets etc I think it’s beneficial. I always found I was very aware of where they are, like you are aware of the edge of bed even while you sleep.

Get him a cosleeper bassinet. He shouldn’t be in the bed with you.

My husband moved out of the bed and I had a cot attached to the side for more space. Maybe more space is needed?
Saying that DS particularly would only sleep on my arm for about 8 months....

Don't listen to unhelpful comments like @interest12 - you've come here for reassurance not judgement and it is fine to co sleep if you do it safely (which it sounds like you are) - in many cultures sleeping in the same bed as the baby is the done thing.

I agree that you're likely aware of where he is, could you have hit the duvet/a pillow? If he didn't wake up im sure he's fine but next time you change his clothes you could check his body for a bruise just in case.

@MumChats

Don't listen to unhelpful comments like *@interest12* - you've come here for reassurance not judgement and it is fine to co sleep if you do it safely (which it sounds like you are) - in many cultures sleeping in the same bed as the baby is the done thing.

I agree that you're likely aware of where he is, could you have hit the duvet/a pillow? If he didn't wake up im sure he's fine but next time you change his clothes you could check his body for a bruise just in case.

There was no judgement, I was giving advice. And it doesn’t sound like she is doing it safely if she potentially hit him in her sleep.

I’m sure he would have woken should anything painful have happened to him. Congratulations too, so exciting.

Co-sleeping is also FINE.

Not too long ago me DP and DC were in bed, me and DP chatting I was stroking DCs head as he slept. Then I felt a lump on the back his head… panic, I started squishing it and squeezing it. Turned my phone light on in a panic to see what the hell is on my sons head… his eyeball, he’d turned his head and I was squishing his bloody eyeball.

He didn’t move a muscle, deep sleep, and can confirm no harm done 😂.

@mumchats @Shahlalala I don't have any duvets or pillows on the bed, it's just me and DS on a king sized bed and I sleep on my side with my knees under his feet and my arm around the top of him. I do usually place my other hand on his tummy for reassurance so it's possible that rather than hit him I just jostled him, especially as he didn't make any noise or wake up from jis sleep.

It's my worst nightmare to harm him and I'm only sharing with him since he won't yet settle at all in his bedside cot and the alternative would be sitting awake all night with him in my arms which seems much more dangerous.

Thank you @FTEngineerM for sharing, I appreciate that

Generally when you're dreaming your body doesn't actually move to prevent us from harming ourselves in our sleep. If you'd actually hit little one I'm sure it would have woken them. Sounds like you're bedsharing very safely

If you sleep on your side with him in the crook of your arm then its not possible to roll on him or hit him.

I think it’s newborn worry, I used to worry about everything up till 2 weeks. I once made my DH go and buy a fan in the middle of the night.... you sound like you’re doing great. 😁

It was probably part of your dream not real. Your subconscious was probably reminding you your ds was nearby. Sometimes things intrude into our dreams that feel very real but are not.

Thank you for the reassuring comments @TheFutureIs @Branleuse @Shahlalala I didn't think about the fact that we don't generally move much while dreaming. He's not got a mark on him so I think maybe I did just jiggle him a bit and my half asleep brain confused that with the movement in my dream and assumed I'd hit him. I suffer really badly with anxiety so it's hard not to panic even though this is my second baby.

@Celandines thank you, yes I hope so!

Sounds like a dream to me as well.

Yes, I agree with the above. The sleep you have when cosleeping feels very different, you are very tuned in to the baby, and I imagine your brain was reminding you he was in the bed.

Thank you for the reassuring comments. I have really been struggling with guilt and anxiety over not getting him into his cot yet and I think this worry is another manifestation of that.

It will settle down the longer you do it (if you do continue co-sleeping). I was nervous for the first few weeks but now we're several months in and we've found our groove.

Nothing to feel guilty about! Likely just the postpartum hormones having their way with you 🙂

I don’t have any other practical advice to add to what’s already been said but just wanted to say that I think you sound like you’re a lovely mum :) feelings of doubt/worry mean you’re doing a great job x

Coslept from birth with my DS.

If you’re following all of the guidelines, then it’s not proven to be any less safe than a cot. The problems can arise when you play fast and loose with the guidance.

The way most mums instinctively sleep with babies is curled in a C around them, with your knees raised and your arm under your head, and baby in the space made between.

You will probably find over time that you wake and are precisely in the same position you went to sleep (with a dead arm or hip to prove it).

DS and I still cosleeping 5 years on, and I feel absolutely 0 guilt or anxiety about it. I don’t expect him to still be in with me when he’s 16 you know!

Thing is that co-sleeping isn’t okay study after study shows an increased risk of SIDS. I don’t understand why anyone would put their child at risk.

@underneaththeash

Thing is that co-sleeping isn’t okay study after study shows an increased risk of SIDS. I don’t understand why anyone would put their child at risk.

But that simply isn't true. UNSAFE cosleeping is totally different to safe co sleeping. There was a recent news report about an awful tragedy when a baby died when asleep with his parents, but his parents had both been drinking and were using a duvet, which safe sleeping guidelines www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2016/07/Co-sleeping-and-SIDS-A-Guide-for-Health-Professionals.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwjHxfnXrIPxAhWQERQKHTbCAWcQFjABegQIBBAG&usg=AOvVaw0yUSAr6diDkXu1QqHMzBUw

Safe co-sleeping is just that... safe!

Don’t worry about getting him into a cot. My DD stayed with us until she was 2 and a half or so and at 6 generally stays in her bed all night, when poorly or if she has a bad dream she comes in with us. Sometimes we all just need a cuddle.

@crystalcastles I'm sure you'd know if it had hurt your baby. When DD was 2, I was really sleep deprived. She climbed into my bed and I went straight back to sleep. Later that night I thought I was being strangled and panicked in my sleep. I bit the strangler... hard. It turned out that poor DD had wrapped her arm around my neck to cuddle me. I was so upset. DD is now 4 and has no recollection of it.

I’m sure your baby will be absolutely fine. Dh fell down the stairs carrying dd and I nearly sat on her in the first week. I can’t count the times I dropped my phone on dd and ds’s faces while feeding them. I also exploded a cafetière of hot coffee all over dd (it shattered) when she was about 8 months. Not ideal but they have all survived!