5 year old food phobia

[Robostripes]

My 5 year old DS has always been a fantastic eater. About a month ago he choked on a piece of spaghetti - I say choked but he wasn’t really choking, just really badly gagging to bring it back up himself, he didn’t need us to slap him on the back or anything. However it really freaked him out and since then he’s been an absolute nightmare with food.

Anything deemed “too chewy” he simply won’t eat. This includes all meat, most vegetables, rice and pasta. Just about the only things he will happily eat is fruit, bread and potato. Everything else, he’ll put it in his mouth but then just chew and chew and chew it until it turns into a massive food ball that he can’t (or won’t) swallow.

Needless to say he has absolutely no problems eating snack foods, chocolate, sweets etc. This is an entirely psychological problem and he tells me he is worried about choking and gets upset so I think he is genuinely worried but it can’t go on, he can’t live on bread and snack food.

Any tips? I’ve tried being very laid back and hoping it will naturally improve but it’s been over a month now. I’ve just got really angry with him at dinner and now feeling awful but it’s so frustrating!

Could you withdraw all snacks in the hope of starving him into eating? Sorry, that might be slightly brutal and old-fashioned advice.

Failing this, do you think that this is something an SLT could help with? Although, the waiting lists can be dreadfully long.

My son is 4 years old am did this . I’m he chocked on chicken not a proper choke just gaging. But he wouldn’t touch anything for ages. Obviously snacks were fine sweets crisp etc. So one day I explained to him it’s not healthy and he needed to eat veg and fruit at least. And that he would not get any other snacks unless he ate a few bite. I started off with putting a few bites of what I wanted him to eat. And he wasn’t impressed at first, but it’s definitely worked. He s still not a fan of meat but eats loads of veg and fruit so it’s definitely going the right way. It can be so hard I really feel for you , my little one is on the lower side of weight to but it needed to be done . I hope this helps a little

Thanks @BunnyRuddington. You’re right I do need to get stricter on snacks. To be fair he’s not that bad on a school day but because it’s been half term we’ve been a bit more lax with giving him snacks. I do need to get firm and cut them out.

@Buzlightyear1 it’s a good idea to just give him a few bites of the healthy stuff to begin with. My DS is already on the lean side too so I do worry that he’s going to lose weight if this continues.

I need to work on not getting so frustrated with him. After I got angry this evening DH took over and spoke to DS very calmly and did coax him into eating a decent amount of the meal going tiny bites at a time but my god it was painful, it took him over an hour to eat a small bowl of pasta. I’d deliberately only given him a small portion to begin with! At lunchtime we had a BBQ and he only ate the burger bun and literally one mouthful of burger which I insisted he eat.

Gosh we had similar when DS2 was about 6. He choked on a piece of apple - it wasn't (to me, who was watching) a particularly bad incident, it was very short-lived and he was fine but I think the apple scratched his throat a bit and he was totally panicked. He didn't eat anything for about two days, and was generally worried about eating for weeks/months afterwards. He had a few instances of being really upset at school when he thought he was going to choke again - this when he wasn't even eating anything, just got worried about swallowing.

Things that helped were: I encouraged him to take some sips of water when worried about swallowing, and he was allowed to keep a water bottle next to him at school. The school secretary (in charge of first aid etc at school) had a chat with him and explained that all the grown-ups there had training on how to help someone if they choked. The GP had a chat with him and told him how unusual it was for people to get badly hurt from choking and that none of his patients had ever hurt themselves by choking etc.

It gradually wore off - took probably 6 months though.

He is 12 now and totally fine/normal. If he swallows the wrong way or chokes a bit he doesn't like it and will come & hover for reassurance. But the worry wouldn't stop him from going about his normal life etc.

I would be careful withdrawing safe foods, for some children that will lead to not eating at all rather than suddenly eating things that aren’t right.
Have you tried picnic type lunches or serve yourself type meals with things you know he will eat alongside some similar foods to try him with?

A lot of young people have success with food chaining where you introduce new foods similar to his safe ones slowly building up the amount he will eat

@LtGreggs thanks that’s really helpful to know it gradually wore off for your DS and what sort of timescale. I think I thought a couple of weeks would be enough for my DS to get over it so when we’re still here over a month in I have been despairing but maybe it’s not that long really.

@Sirzy good idea to do picnic type lunches. It seems like it would be a good plan to make sure there’s always something he will eat on his plate (which is basically bread or potato!) I do think I need to cut out the snacks though as otherwise he’ll just fill up on crisps and biscuits and crap and there will be no incentive to eat properly.

Oh yes cutting them down/out is worth trying just be aware that for some children it doesn’t work but I’m sure you will be able to judge that.

@Robostripes at the time I thought he'd be over it by the next day and it surprised me how long it took!

He does still prefer to have his apple sliced rather than eat one whole - we went back to that at the time because I told him he wouldn't choke if the apple was sliced. So yes some 'white lies' did help us a bit too, alongside the 'logic from authority figures' I described above, which definitely made an impression on him.

I wonder if there's any of that you could try?? Maybe that people get better at swallowing without choking if they practise with lots of little bites. Or if they have a drink after every mouthful. Or something along those lines?

Or someone who could tell him a story about a similar incident they went through and how they were worried about eating things afterwards but they realised they had to learn to eat a mix of healthy food because that was really important?

Basically my DS2 responded quite well to logical(ish) argument and just being given time.

You've probably already tried this but while he's building up his confidence with food again perhaps offer softer foods with veg etc blended in so at least he's getting nutrients. Some soup with bread alongside to dunk in, stews/casseroles with potatoes which can be mashed up with a fork if needed, a mild curry etc.