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Parenting

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Newborn, Husband making everything worse

3 replies

ForevermoreTired · 05/06/2021 09:10

I have a 2 week old baby, born via csection, and since coming home from the hospital I have cried nearly every day, I get a lot of this will be hormones but I feel my DH should be the least of my problems.

Usually we get on great, he does his fair a share of housework and nappy changes so physically getting involved isn’t the issue. Emotionally though I am getting no support.

For example the other day I had just managed to finally get in the bath and get some clean clothes on when baby projectile vomiting all over me, I got upset, and his response ‘well we’ve got a newborn, it is what it is’.

I am the one up mostly at night and right now baby is pretty good at letting us get some sleep, generally going 3-4 hours between feeds, bringing up wind easily afterward, then settling back down. He may do a quick nappy change once or twice then doze back off while I’m up breastfeeding for at least an hour at a time sometimes more. Baby has tongue tie which makes this more difficult. Yet he seems to think we’re on some sort of level pegging sleep wise, and that we both need lie ins everyday. When he was probably up for less than half an hour in total.

When he is tired (doesn’t take much) he is moody and short with me. Which I just don’t need right now. I don’t know what mood he’s going to come downstairs in and when he was fine with me this morning i burst into tears. He asked what was wrong, I told him because I didn’t know what mood he would be in, he response was ‘well im not moody THIS morning so what’s the problem’.

This attitude has come out of left field. I’ve told him exactly how I feel and that he’s being a dick and he’s just doesn’t see it other than ‘maybe he could of been a bit more empathetic’. But then when I was crying asked me ‘is it hormones or something?’

I also have OCD which I finished therapy for now and worked really hard on. I had a bit of a blip when baby was first born but feel like I’m now back on track. But he attributes things to the OCD that just aren’t related, for example he said I’m doing too many loads of washing. I said because they’ve got blood or bread milk or sick on, add in all of baby’s things and any cushion covers etc baby may be sick on. Whereas before I would use a bath towel for a few times, it gets blood on it so I’ll get a new one . He didn’t realise women bleed postpartum!!

My csection is sore, my nipples are sore, baby just has to sneeze and I’m leaking. I just don’t need the extra hassle of a grumpy DH that chases every second of sleep. Honestly I just feel fed up, not with new baby at all I feel I’m coping pretty well but DH is just being.....well above.

OP posts:
2021expecting · 05/06/2021 10:48

It's tough going in the first weeks after a c section, I'm 13 weeks post c section and felt exactly the same as you. My OH wakes the odd 5 mins through the night to turn over and says how tired he is still, yet I'm the one up 2/3 times a night. I remember getting frustrated that I couldn't do the work around the house like before, crying at him and he was getting getting stressed from having to pick the work up. The hormone card was played once too, so irritating.

Their way of helping is usually physically/practically, I found it difficult when OH didn't understand how I was feeling either. It was difficult for him to transition to new responsibilities.

Things will ease, it's early days - give each other some head space, have a chat if you want to and feel upto it and just make sure to take some time for you when possible, you've created an amazing little baby.

firstbabyworries · 05/06/2021 10:55

I actually could have written this myself! @ForevermoreTired just know you are not alone. I'm 14 weeks post emergency c section and things have got better. We still have the odd evening or day when things are a bit tense but they are so few now it feels like I can breathe again. I knew men, particularly my DH are not usually emotional but I just wasn't prepared at all my his reaction or lack of emotional support. But it does get better, honestly.
Congratulations on your newborn and be kind to yourself, your doing a fab job 😊

thelegohooverer · 05/06/2021 11:34

I remember when my eldest was a newborn wishing that there had been mandatory classes for dads to be.
Flowers

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