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Original poster

Covid baby with severe anxiety of people? Help

27 replies

Mialain · 03/06/2021 23:01

Hi
My 10 month old baby girl is doing fine in other areas of development, except her severe fear of anyone other than her father or myself. I have started signing us up to baby classes, went to the first one a week ago, and she was crying non stop as soon as someone got too close, dreading next weeks one....

she is okay in public places unless someone comes too close and gives her eye contact, i take her to my mums, her other grandma, she cries herself to sleep when shes there and wakes up crying, they keep her quiet with baby songs on youtube.

I go out with my friends and the baby, but tell everyone not to look at her or talk to her, thats the only way she stays calm.

Is anybody else experiencing this?? What can we do to help ease babies fears?

Also she is very calm, when at home, spends all day with me, shes joined at my hip, take her to shower with me, never separate for more than few hours when going gym.

OP posts:
elizabethdraper · 03/06/2021 23:02

All babies make strange

It's a phase, she will grow out if it

Original poster
Mialain · 03/06/2021 23:20

I knoww your totally right, except i cant help but feel i did something wrong, when out n about most babies i see are generally very calm, even in the baby class i went to, mine was the only one hysterically crying the whole time.

OP posts:
idontlikealdi · 03/06/2021 23:54

It's 'making strange' and totally normal.

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Notashandyta · 04/06/2021 00:25

Sounds like typical 10 month old behaviour

wildeverose · 04/06/2021 00:38

Well don't tell people not to look at her or speak to her or she won't get used to anyone - just a phase she will grow out of the more age interacts

Original poster
Mialain · 04/06/2021 08:58

That is true i only do that in restaurants, when i want to have a meal, i i feel embarrassed slightly in restaurants with her crying, which isnt her fault, the good thing is she recovers from crying quickly as soon as i hold her, the above posts are reassuring..... we have a huge 1year birthday party planned for her, hopefully she grows out of it quickly, also weirdly shes fine with other babies and children, just adults freak her out.

OP posts:
Poorlykitten · 04/06/2021 09:01

Don’t prevent people from looking at her or interacting with her, that’s will make things worse in the long run. It’s just a phase and very common one at that.

ShowOfHands · 04/06/2021 09:06

It is totally normal. When I had my first, I lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere and saw nobody for weeks on end. DD was utterly confident around other people. My second was born in a bustling town and saw other people all the time, from the time he was born onwards. He had terrible separation anxiety and clung to me like a limpet, hated people looking at him and wouldn't be held by other people.

It's just a baby thing and each baby is different. Covid is nothing to do with it. You just stay calm, reassure them and normalise interactions.

Original poster
Mialain · 04/06/2021 09:06

@Poorlykitten

Don’t prevent people from looking at her or interacting with her, that’s will make things worse in the long run. It’s just a phase and very common one at that.
Do i allow others to hold her when shes crying? Will that help?
OP posts:
ComDummings · 04/06/2021 09:07

Yeah don’t panic about it, for some children it’s completely normal. She will grow out of it, keep taking her places, a reassuring cuddle when she gets upset, just got to ride the wave.

ComDummings · 04/06/2021 09:07

I didn’t allow others to hold my baby when she got upset - I’d take her back and hold her so she felt reassured that I was always there so she gained confidence around people.

ComDummings · 04/06/2021 09:08

Just to add she was the same age as yours when we had a similar stage. Now she’s in primary school and a social butterfly Smile

Poorlykitten · 04/06/2021 09:11

No, I don’t think you let others hold her when she is upset, you do still need to reassure but don’t avoid social situations and maybe gently try and let others be around her and play with her with her knowing you are safely near by to take her back or comfort if need be.

MrMeeseekslookatme · 04/06/2021 09:11

You need to get her used to other people and the idea that you and her dad will go away and still come back. So yes, hand her to other people, let her have a little cry for a minute or two before rushing in to save her.

Twinmammaplusone · 04/06/2021 09:15

@Mialain my 13 month old twins were/ are exactly the same. Any time someone spoke to them in the pushchair they would SCREAM uncontrollably. They still scream when we meet people or people come to out house but we are slowly trying to socialise more. It will get better.

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 04/06/2021 09:15

I’ve known two children who were like this - both born years before Covid.

This really could purely be down to personality traits/developmental stage/something else.

Just carry on socialising, showing her that shd is safe with you, giving her opportunities to safely explore the world.

That’s all you can do. She will be who she’s will be - so long as you’ve given her space and opportunities you’ve done your best for her.

DarcyLewis · 04/06/2021 09:22

My 3rd child was like this! I didn’t push her to let people hold her as she didn’t like it, and I warned people not to look at or talk to her Grin

She’s almost 4 now and still won’t talk to people she doesn’t know well. Took her ages to talk to her preschool teachers!

Poorlykitten · 04/06/2021 09:55

@DarcyLewis maybe that’s a lesson to the Op to let others interact with her or the fear will continue?

DarcyLewis · 04/06/2021 10:01

Some kids are just more shy/slow to warm up than others.

I don't think being forced into a situation they feel anxious or uncomfortable about has ever made a child feel more secure. Just let them warm up in their own time.

Poorlykitten · 04/06/2021 17:48

It is, however, a recognised and fairly common phase which usually passes.

wildeverose · 04/06/2021 18:38

I absolutely wouldn't carry on telling people not to look at her or talk to her - how long can that continue practically?
I would let people hold her, give it a couple mins before you take her back. It's a very normal phase but you don't want to encourage it forever. It'll be awful if you're having to tell people not to look at her age 3/4, when she is at pre school and needs to be away from you.

emptyplinth · 04/06/2021 18:40

It's really common for babies to go through phases of separation anxiety, mine were bad at 9-10 months and again at 18m - really screamy with strangers and this was years ago.
Persevere and keep as calm as you can, it won't last and she'll soon forget she wasn't used to being around other people.

LIZS · 04/06/2021 18:41

Sounds like separation anxiety.

ZooKeeper19 · 04/06/2021 19:21

@Mialain my son was the same from 3 months till 1 year. Screamed blue murder if anyone talked to him, looked at him, held him...

I just took things slowly, when he got upset I comforted him but I still went to see people and tried to make him feel calm. I stayed with him, never forced him to "get on with it" and never left him to cry being held by a stranger but when in my arms, I spoke to people, and held him so he was not the focus of the conversation but he was just "present".

He was inconsolable when I left him with the nanny at about 12m for the first day, then it got gradually better. Again upset at nursery, but again got better after a week.

It takes time but I agree, do not force her, just give her confidence by your presence.

mynameisigglepiggle · 04/06/2021 20:46

Just to reassure you my middle child was the same. If anyone spoke to her she cried even family members. It was just the way she was. If she cried I always took her back and held her. She was quite unsettled initially with her childminder but had no problem when she went to nursery.
When she started going to parties she would always sit on my knee for a while just weighing it all up. I never put any pressure on her and eventually she would join in.
She's 8 now and fairly confident. Will order in a restaurant etc and you wouldn't know she was the same child.