Loneliness during may leave

[duckling3]

I'm sure I can't be the only one with the year we've just had but this week I am really struggling with the loneliness of mat leave.

I don't have family locally, and most of the local friends I have work during the week days. My partner works long hours. I'm keeping my weekends full with seeing people/doing things but the week days are pretty lonely.

I need to make some mum friends, but so far haven't made any. Lockdown life obviously hasn't helped, and whilst I've joined some baby classes since things have eased, my son has been unwell (nothing major but can't really go anywhere with a cough) and so we've missed several weeks and only been to a couple.

I feel like it's making my year so much less enjoyable than I was hoping.

Please tell me I'm not the only one? Sometimes it seems like everyone else has a life filled with people, but surely there must be other mums who don't have other mum friends? Any ideas on how to meet other mums or just generally how do you keep days full so as not to let the loneliness creep in 🙂

Tbh, that's my experience of mat leave both pre and during the pandemic. It is hard at baby groups when you're distanced and/or wearing masks though so it does add an extra layer of difficulty this time round. Any mum you do chat to and like at a group, ask to swap numbers to go for a coffee sometime. There's local buggy walks in my area so worth checking to see on social media what's going on.

I go out every day so even if it's just popping to the supermarket at least I'm getting to see different people and views and I find with a baby, people still want to have a chat which is nice.

Oh my god I could have written this. Live an hour away from family, no close friends near by.

I have actually been in tears this morning as baby class got cancelled this morning and it made me realise just how desperate for some adult company I am!

I am nearly at the end of my mat leave, and it has been so tough with baby classes not running or when they are they are socially distanced with masks which doesn't encourage much chatting with other mums.

I have really tried to build up relationships, but this morning it really struck me I literally have no one who I can call up and arrange a meet up with. I feel like I have failed my mat leave as I had this vision in mind of meeting lots of other mums and being able to share stories of motherhood over coffee etc. and it just hasn't happened.

I don't have any advice other than keep trying with the baby groups, and now things are opening up, I hope things get better!

I definitely felt like this during maternity leave; more so my first one than my second. I joined a couple of apps at the beginning of my second maternity leave which are designed to help meet local mums (mush and peanut) and I’ve made friends through that so would definitely recommend; it feels a bit weird but it’s worth putting yourself out there

felt like this on my mat leave last year, and a secondary burst of despondency has come recently since baby classes, swimming etc have started up again. I had a few nice days and events at the end of last summer when I did a gradual return, but I’m firmly back at full-time work now and too busy

Getting out every day is key, and scouring the internet or social media for groups and things to do. I’ve struck up conversations at the playground quite a lot now that DS is older and more mobile, obviously not close friendships but if you go to the same parks and playground, you may see the same people!

It's so comforting to hear others have a similar experience - not that I wish loneliness on anyone! The internet can be terrible for making you think everyone else is having a better time of things. So much of what has been said here mirrors exactly how I feel!

We are getting out every day - a few fancier day trips and lots of trips to the super market and local charity shop, and it definitely helps. Spent this mornings naptime searching the Internet for baby classes.. found there is a local Facebook page which has lists of stuff going on near me. loads more than I realised so will def sign us up for a few more things so I can keep the days a bit fuller.

I'm similar (but different) to you all in that I have a 7 month old and all my family are near me. I'm going back to work soon and I haven't made one Mummy friend. I've got a baby group booked this month but that is it! As much as I love seeing my family and it does combat loneliness I wanted to make some friends and meet other mums. I've tried to chat to mums out and about but no one seems really interested. It definitely isn't how I imagined my maternity leave would be. It is hard and lonely for me with family around so my heart goes out to you all doing it alone. You're all amazing!!!

Sorry to hear this. It’s so hard going anyway and just made a million times harder by lockdown etc. Did you join an antenatal group pre baby that you could get in touch with? Or if there’s a Facebook page for your local area I found that a good way of reaching out to other Mums to see if they want to make a group and grab a coffee etc. A bit scary to put yourself out there but seems to get a good response and I’m sure so many are feeling the same.

Maternity leave has been really boring!! I have met up with my non parent friends way more than any mothers. I joined a women’s outside exercise class it was advertised on happity and am enjoying it! You might have one in your area, plus I have been reaching out to people on mush and have met up with one so far. Internet dating was easier than this!!

Hi OP, I’m so sorry you are feeling like this it sounds hard. I would recommend you join the app Peanut - I searched for my local area and found a group of mums about 30 strong! We have a WhatsApp and do walks etc. I also met people on my road who have new babies - if you know your neighbours perhaps worth asking them if there are any other young families on the road? As a PP has said lots of places do buggy walks too so do look on Facebook/other social media to see if there’s anything like that. I feel like once you get an “in” to one other mum you meet so many others. Oh one other thought - the charity Mind does some mum groups I think called Mindful Mums - worth seeing if there is one in your area?