2.5yr old not listening

[Eachpeachpears]

Or more like listening but just going against it.

He used to go to bed so easily, now it's calling us back in every few minutes for things like a kiss and to make a space between his teddies or to see his feet on the wall.
I'm so so fed up of hearing him shout "muuummmy" or "daaaaaddy". It's not just bed either. He's constantly asking for snacks but won't eat his meals properly.
I feel like everything is a battle.

He listens more to me than he does DH, but that is DH's fault. He won't say no to him. He'll try to distract or offer a food bribe which is fucking awful and I do point it out each time and he's trying to stop.

Ds is constantly calling after us to play with him or get him something which I know is typical of his age but I'm running on empty now. He will not play by himself. And we do put the effort in and play with him so so much. But the second we stop he's back to moaning and wingeing again.
He goes to nursery 3 days a week but has been struggling with emotions there too and not getting what he wants. I dread picking him up some days as I hate hearing he's had an emotional day and acted out.

He's up at 5.30 every day without fail, no matter what we do, and now bedtime has become a pain in the arse. He goes in to bed at about 6.45 but can still be calling us in an hour later. He has a nap in the middle of the day but if we cut this out, he's in a vile mood all afternoon.

He can also be hilarious and loving and cuddley and full of manners.

By the end of the day, DH and I are wiped out and fed up of hearing our names called.
We have a 4 month old DD too so sleep is shit at the moment for us, then Ds Is up so early.

Please someone tell me it gets better soon. I'm so fed up of the bloody drudge right now. I live for bedtime at the moment, which is not how I want to Be. It hasn't always been this way, please tell me it improves?!

Hi, sorry you are having a hard time.

Sometimes I really moaned and still moan about mine - but if you read back what you wrote you said you are sick of him calling your name, wanting you to play with him etc. and that he has a four month old baby.

The behaviour you describe is pretty classic for a toddler who just went from being the apple of everyone's eye to suddenly one of two children!

There are quite a lot of things you can do but I feel a bit like you might have to try first of all to see things from his point of view, as you are treating it as a behaviour problem rather than he might be missing/needing something he used to get but now doesn't.

Mine is exactly the same. I think it’s pretty normal behaviour and something we have to just survive

I feel your pain girl. I am a mama of a 2.5 boy too. And I could've written what you have.

Only eats snacks. Not meals.
Without a nap he is miserable.
Luckily for us his wake up time is about 7. But bedtime a struggle as he constantly asks us for snuggles every hour until it gets to like 11pm where he just crashes.

It's exhausting.

Like you say he can be wonderful, loving and such a great kid but my god... terrible twos? More like torturous twos!!

I agree a lot sounds entirely standard but if it was me I would just want to know more about what nursery are saying about this I dread picking him up some days as I hate hearing he's had an emotional day and acted out as they are used to two year olds - OP do you think the nursery think he is regular 2yo behaviour or something else? Have they said they think it is a problem from their point of view or just normal toddler contrariness?

@colouringcrayons

I agree a lot sounds entirely standard but if it was me I would just want to know more about what nursery are saying about this I dread picking him up some days as I hate hearing he's had an emotional day and acted out as they are used to two year olds - OP do you think the nursery think he is regular 2yo behaviour or something else? Have they said they think it is a problem from their point of view or just normal toddler contrariness?

They see insist it's normal, although they agree he is sensitive but not excessively. They sometimes have to monitor him 1on 1 if he's having a really bad day which isn't ideal

We have a 4 month old

There's your answer. That's it really. He's feeling unsettled and pushed out, and is demanding your attention. He won't even be aware that's what he's doing. It will pass in time.

@Wearywithteens I completely agree. It's the source of many an argument between me and dh. I suppose it will take time to feel a change though, and I feel we are currently in the shit bit of DH saying no and ds thinking he will cafe so kicking off

@MustardRose

We have a 4 month old

There's your answer. That's it really. He's feeling unsettled and pushed out, and is demanding your attention. He won't even be aware that's what he's doing. It will pass in time.

Agree. He's had a big shock and is not old enough to understand!

It's all normal I'm afraid. My eldest two are 5 and 4 and what you describe is fairly standard. They don't call it the terrible twos for nothing, and that's the age when they figure out that they can actually say no and they will generally start to try exert some control and push back a bit because they can. As others have said you need to set the boundaries. A toddler acting out or being emotional is desperate for you to be in control because they can't be, you and your husband need to step up. It's also totally normal for a two year old to want your attention, especially if you have a new baby on the scene (my youngest is 18 months so I know how it goes and it's hard) so really try and give him lots of attention. He's screaming out for attention and boundaries, you need to give him those.

It's also pretty normal to feel wiped out with a four month old and a toddler, that's just the territory I'm afraid. Don't get me wrong, I've made a lot of mistakes, particularly with my middle child. I felt like I spent about two years moaning about his behaviour, but he turned four recently and he's now an absolute dream. Some toddlers are harder than others and throw a new baby into the mix and it's challenging.

He’s desperate for your attention because a rival has appeared in the house. Totally normal -he needs to know that you are still there for him so he needs to have plenty of time with you. I have a big age gap between mine but saw this plenty of times with family and friends with a two year gap between DC.

Little things matter like visitors giving him attention before the baby, and him knowing that you have special time together when the baby goes to DH and vice versa. Plenty of attention when you pick him up from nursery.
Close friend had four year old act up massively when baby arrived, demanding food, drinks, claiming toilet problems, but health checks showed no medical issues, and HV told friend to monitor when this was happening. She realised it happened every time the baby got the same type of attention i.e. toilet trouble when baby was having a nappy change. Attention seeking behaviour on a grand scale and it happened when she started school when baby got to stay in the house with mum.
Lots of careful attention and praise did the trick and saying things like it’s so good that you’re a big girl and and can go the toilet properly not like the baby.