Toddler wanting to do everything without aid

[Mamabear04]

Does anyone have any advice for helping a toddler who doesn't want help doing anything? It's just started but I'm scared it might explode into a plethora of tantrums....

Following as DS (2.5) is just the same.

Difficult when you have independent little ones! Factor in extra time for everything,, ker then know you're there to help if they want you, put your patient head on and wait it out until they ask for help (or kick off).

let

Distracting them to something else, always worked for me.

Allow extra time. Don't sweat the small stuff eg it really doesn't matter if they go out with a back to front jumper or buttons mismatched. Lower your expectations in terms of how much you will get done.

Dd was a fiercely independent baby and toddler. First time I tried feeding her with a spoon, I thought she was trying to knock the spoon out of my hand. Then I realised that she wanted to feed herself.

A few weeks later, a friend with a dd the same age came round and was there for lunch. I couldn't believe how quickly you could feed a baby and how little mess there was if the parent held the spoon and just popped the food into the baby's open mouth.

The only thing I really insisted on doing myself when dd was a baby or toddler was brushing her teeth.

"I do it by my own!"

Normal developmental stage (how else do they learn?)

*Allow SO much time for everything.
*Pick battles- lots wont be done to your standards but "good enough." Lower standards...

• If you really need to get on - distraction. Or limit choices "blue jumper or red jumper" instead of All The Clothes. They still have agency then.

Teach them that magic coat putting on trick.

Velcro shoes...

Oh yes, mine is doing this at the moment. Well alternating bet well ‘I DO IT’ for things she can’t easily do (her teeth, putting sun cream on, doing up her car seat belt) with ‘MUMMY DO IT’ for things mummy doesn’t want/need to do or she could do herself (pulling her own shorts up after weeing, building a sandcastle, doing a puzzle).

I just try to let her do what she can, or at least have a try before I take over. Lots of talk of taking turns. ‘Yes, you can have a turn doing your teeth, after mummy has had her turn doing your teeth.’

Ah yes and giving 2 choices wherever possible on the most mundane things (cup colour, which socks to wear).

God, “Livi do it!”

I remember those days, now Livi is 17.. and doesn’t really do anything!

This week DS has also decided mummy should do things without help, so gets cross if I ask for someone to pass me something, for example!

How long does this stage last? We use the above strategies (distraction, choices, letting him attempt anything that isn’t dangerous, taking turns, picking battles etc) but DS is incredibly stubborn and quite often what he wants is physically impossible for him and if he’s at all tired/hungry it will end in tears or a tantrum.

Let them if it’s safe. Wait til the frustration at not being able to do it appears and then help. Otherwise establish ‘together’ as a compromise where you do most of it. And also establish a clear no when it’s not possible. My two year old now shouts ‘togethow!’ much more often that ‘I do IT’.

Just try and let them get on with it. My 2.5 ds is the same. I draw the line at dangerous things but generally let him have a go and then when he's in a shouty mess I try to fix it. Teeth always get a first clean by DS then I insist on doing it too . Ignore tantrums.

It's a fab stage if you can let them practice dressing and cutting up food and washing their hair , unloading shopping bags, vacuuming, dusting, hanging laundry on a drying rack and trying to peg it, use a watering can etc.

I agree offering choices helps. Sometimes make a game of it too, and laugh when it goes wrong (eg coat on back to front) to help dffuse frustration. I also deliberately do things wrong myself so he can help me fix it, he likes that.

'I do it mysef' Ah those were the days.
Now I have a teen from whom there is a constant stream of ''mum can you do ' .....

Yep, it's frustrating. I do think it's worth letting them crack on when you've got time and it does help in the long run - mine is 3.5yo now and she's got a baby brother so it's really useful that she can get herself dressed! I was always clear when it was a time she could do it and couldn't (so nursery days, mummy helps because we're always late!)

I think activities like baking are good (but messy) at this stage as it gives them that control they crave and they can see how the different stages come together to make something tasty.

Don't chase after them to make sure they're safe when they're carrying a china plate...

(S2 still has a small scar on his lip...)