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Carrying on using my mum or get a childminder?

13 replies

Beckie1987 · 01/06/2021 21:12

My mum babysits my 20 month old 2 days per week and picks up my 3 yrold from preschool those days. I work those 2 days and do about 5-10 hours from home when the kids are asleep.

My kids absolutely adore her however I think my mum is doing this for me rather than she actually enjoys it. It’s a lot to ask of her (she’s retired 59)

She never takes my daughter anywhere often makes excuses like it’s too cold when it’s 15-16 degrees outside and when I’ve worked from home they are mostly watching tv. She often says she might do painting with her today but never does. On the day I have just dd2 we get up to all kids but my mother isn’t me I know. Today she had both dds because of half term and I worked from mums. She lives opposite a park and stayed in all day (weather was glorious) the kids were climbing the walls. I ended up taking them the park about 4pm while my mum and dad sat in. Now home I’m catching up on work.

I’ve repeatedly said if it’s too much I’ll get a childminder but she says she loves to have them. I think deep down she struggles but won’t admit. I appreciate everything she has done.

Should I just get a childminder even tho she’s telling me not to I don’t know 🙈did will go to preschool a few mornings from age 2

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
partyatthepalace · 01/06/2021 21:26

If you want then to get more stimulation sounds like you have to. Do they enjoy being with her or are they bored? Could you reduce her to one day?

Nuggetnugget · 01/06/2021 21:28

She isn't really into activities but they are fed and supervised. Maybe it's OK for one day a week?

partyatthepalace · 01/06/2021 21:32

1 day a week seems like a good compromise

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Peanutbuttercupisyum · 01/06/2021 22:41

I would hate this! I couldn’t concentrate knowing my children were cooped up indoors when they should be outside and active, or stuck watching tv when they could be painting, or crafting, or going for walks or to the library etc. I’d get a childminder 💯

Lockdownbear · 01/06/2021 22:45

I think I'd be more inclined to find a private nursery for them both so you have one drop off / pick up.

I wouldn't have thought 59 was too old to look after kids but it's each individual.

newtolineofduty · 01/06/2021 22:45

You could have described my mum! 😂 x although my mum LOVES her days with my daughter for sure, but I don't think she has the same 'energy' level as us which is absolutely fine! But it's why my daughter is also in nursery for three days-she needs the stimulation x

StrawberryCreamCake · 02/06/2021 11:53

Geez OP, by your standards I'm also 'struggling' as a mother with my own two kids.

15-16 degrees is too cold for me too. I'll happily spend all day outside with my DC in the summer when it's warm, but 15-16 degrees especially if it's windy/rainy then I'm telling my kids sorry but the weather's not good.

If I ask my mum to look after my DC while I'm working then all I expect is that they are fed, hydrated, baby changed and that they don't do anything dangerous. If she feels like she wants to take them somewhere then that's up to her, but if she sits in all day with them then that's fine - looking after 2 kids can be exhausting even if you do just stay in.

I wouldn't say that she's struggling, just that's how she wants to spend the time with her grandchildren.

If you expect outings and crafts etc. then yes you should put them in nursery. And also carefully vet the nursery as many nurseries/childminders do just spend a lot of time inside with the kids not doing all that much, especially when the weather's not great.

Beckie1987 · 04/06/2021 12:28

Thanks everyone so much for your comments! I’m an active mum so maybe I do have too high expectations but my kids are extremely active too @StrawberryCreamCake 🤣. I appreciate everything my mum does an I tell her every week. The kids adore her but yes maybe 1 day a week is enough. My mum would enjoy it more I think as by the second day she looks worn out 🤣

@lockdownbear My eldest age 3.5 is in the school nursery she will be going to next year so I wouldn’t want to take her out she loves it as has made lots of friends.

I’ve messaged a few childminders, haven’t spoken to my mum yet but I can imagine her to be relieved to just be doing a day to be honest. She does love spending time with them, I wouldn’t mind as much if it’s just a lazy movie day with her once a week.

OP posts:
Jobsharenightmare · 04/06/2021 12:43

She sounds like she has no imagination/isn't creative enough to give any stimulation so as others have said, not great for development 2 days a week.

Jobsharenightmare · 04/06/2021 12:44

Sorry posted too soon...

So to me isn't about staying home it's about what they actually do together in that time

Aprilwasverywet · 04/06/2021 12:47

2 active dc out and about may be daunting op!!

MyDcAreMarvel · 04/06/2021 12:48

Unless 59 is a typo why isn’t she doing more with them?

Stichintime · 04/06/2021 12:56

I can't imagine not taking children out at least once but probably twice, as well as activities at home. I understand people are saying one day a week won't hurt, but I disagree. This is the time of massive growth in brain development, which is in effect being dulled or shut down altogether.

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