Ages and stages refusal

[BabEmama]

Hi all
Ive just received an email regarding my sons latest ‘developmental checks’. I was told theyd be there anytime within a four hour window. And that i would need to print and fill out a ages and stages Questionnaire. And a separate questionnaire on his social and emotional progress. Now, my son is 2. In the past all these appointments were over by this age. I also dont agree with the a&s questionnaires. I think they terrify mothers unnecessarily. Every child is different, and some dont fit nicely to a graph. This doesnt mean theres anything wrong with that child. I filled out the a&s, begrudgingly, when he was younger. But Ive had enough now. Ive never called a health visitor in my life, if i ever have an issue. I call a doctor. So with this in mind. If i was concerned about anything developmentally, id call a doctor. So my question is, has anyone refused to fill out these questionnaires before? Or completely refused this appointment before? Ive heard of SS referrals being made due to non compliance. Has anyone experienced this? Thanks in advance.

I declined DD1 one year check. I said I and nursery were happy with her development and she has been seen recently by GP and dentist and was in x nursery in case they needed to check for any safeguarding concerns. It was fine.

If you refuse the questionnaire they will just ask you about each question. It’s not an assessment in itself but a screening tool to see if there are any potential areas of concern.

A relative refused, was no issue. She had three children and by the third it was clear she vaguely knew what was a problem or not. I'm sure you are similarly aware but I guess the HV may not know that. If I were you I'd glance over the questionnaire and if you feel confident then cancel.

I actually don't mind the ASQ as feel they are pretty proportionate and certainly don't expect advanced development (if anything I think they are quite generous with the age ranges expected for each skill) and have found them quite reassuring (and I've had raging PNA after both my babies!) but you do what you feel is right I'm sure they won't be jumping to SS.

I refused the 1 year check with my first DS. I had no concerns, and like you, if I had I’d have already been to the GP/called the HV.

Did the 2 year check because he didn’t attend nursery, and although I was/am very proactive with activities, I wanted to make sure he was around the right stage.

No SS issue or anything. I just phoned up, said I’d looked at the questionnaire and he could do everything and more, that I have no concerns, so it would be a waste of both our time. They cancelled it no issue and told me to ring them if I ever needed support etc.

Thanks everyone. I think the point that was made was correct. If i have the appointment and refuse to do the form, theyll just do it while theyre here. I think the best bet is to call and say, ive looked over the forms. Hes doing everything on it and more so i dont need the appointment. Just politely decline. I know theyre not mandatory, but they make sure they dont tell u that part lol. Hence the stress over not wanting to see them.

I declined the 2 year check as I'm a teacher and my son attends nursery and neither I nor nursery had any concerns. When I said that, they were very keen to arrange it and suddenly could offer me an appointment on my next day off at whatever time suited me, which I accepted because I had nothing else on. They did the questionnaire at the time and he basically got full marks - obviously children are at different stages but it was mostly really simple stuff. He quite enjoyed it but can't say I found it helpful particularly. Like you, if I had concerns I'd speak to a GP not a HV. If they hadn't been able to offer a convenient appointment time I'd definitely have declined and I can't imagine there would have been any come back from it.

I don’t think they’ll care if you decline the offer. Lots of parents work full time by the time they have a 2 year old.

I always think it's totally nuts they just give people the questionnaire with no guidance about it! Why did they change it? When DS1 was that age (he is 12 now) there was no questionnaire handed out, we just had a meeting with the HV where she asked all the questions and did the observations and because it was in person there was no worrying about it because she would have explained any concerns.

When you just get the questionnaire, a lot of people seem to be under the impression that it's a list of things their baby/toddler should be able to do when it's very far from that. This causes incredible amounts of unnecessary stress and anxiety when it's actually totally normal for them to be able to do less than half of the things on the list. The HV isn't looking for a full complement of ticks, but because this isn't explained or given with any context people understandably get anxious about it.

That said I found them really interesting when members of my MN groups shared them! But I was able to take it as a curiosity thing because I wasn't concerned about my child's development.

When my DS had his 2 year check, both my childminder and I did raise concerns, but the "childcare assistant" (because they didn't even send a proper HV) completely dismissed them.

I ended up having to go to see the GP instead, and he was diagnosed with autism a year later

So I'm completely unconvinced about the usefulness of these checks now

You’re more than welcome to decline any Health Visitor involvement at all.

On the other side though, as a nursery SENCo, the ASQs are an absolute god send when parents think their child is at the correct developmental stage and they really aren’t!

@Sls668

You’re more than welcome to decline any Health Visitor involvement at all.

On the other side though, as a nursery SENCo, the ASQs are an absolute god send when parents think their child is at the correct developmental stage and they really aren’t!

Just to add and kind of reply to the above comment - when I said I was happy with DD1 development - I would regularly check Mary Sheriden’s birth to 5 book and DD1 could do everything on the questionnaire.

DD2 will be 2 yrs soon and I’ve already printed off the questionnaire and if she is able to do it all then I will be turning down her 2 year check.

I love those questionnaires, I really enjoyed filling them in and seeing what things were on there I'd never thought of. I do really like filling in forms and the A&S ones were almost as exciting as the census.

They did come with an introduction telling you not to be concerned if your child wasn't doing a lot of the stuff. DC2 was a big fail on her 1 year one because she was doing hardly anything in the gross motor skills. Just meant we had a couple of follow-up chats and she caught right up by the time she was 2.

I don't think there's any reason not to decline it if you want to. I was quite disappointed when DC1 didn't get a 1 year check because of cuts in our area at the time.

I have filled in my son's 1y A&S and we failed spectacularly. I enjoyed the video call, the HV was really puzzled why was I not concerned. I just was not. As you said each baby is different, I knew my son was OK and the fact he could not thread a cheerio through a ribbon or whatever that skill is, or find a hidden item - oh well.

The HV said we failed and she will be in touch in 6-8 weeks, I need to practice (the tasks we failed) and then she will test us again later. She never called. I never gave a thought to practicing, or her remarks.

Why not just go ahead with the visit, and be done. It's not like there are any consequences for failing the "test".

I do find those questionnaires bloody silly. If I put a cube of bread in a clear bottle does my baby try to get it? No, because he's not an idiot and knows perfectly well he can't. Does my baby 'always' knock two toys together in a clip-clop way? No, because... he'd be then spending all his time clipping and clopping and that would be really weird?

I found the health visitor extremely irritating at our recent one-year check. I knew perfectly well she'd think he was behind on gross motor skills but I don't really see how it's helpful to have someone open the questionnaire, look at it and immediately start to go 'oh, oh dear, that's not good'. I am not in the least concerned (he's not making particularly quick progress in that area, but he is continually making progress, and meanwhile his fine motor skills are whizzing on to the point he'll probably be picking locks by next week so I think it's just that his focus is currently elsewhere) but if I were inclined to worry I fail to see how that would be at all reassuring or constructive. And having her repeatedly say 'I'll have to tell my line manager' was also frankly bizarre.

I think the most irritating part is that the health visitor team here were essentially unobtainable over the last year, so having them suddenly show up and be all pearl-clutchy now rather rankles.

@Persipan youve had similar experiences to me. This is why i am not doing the appointment. If i have concerns, ill go to a gp. I know my own child better than any hv who hasnt seen him for over a year. Also covid is another issue. Im classed as vulnerable. The government may say restrictions are easing, but theyve been wrong throughout this entire pandemic. Hv’s go from house to house, potentially spreading the virus.
Someone did mention further up that they called and said their child is doing everything and more. So the appointment isnt necessary. This is the route i think im gonna take.