Do the early years get significantly easier once baby/child is in FT nursery/preschool/education?

[punkyfishz]

I’m late thirties with a baby under one and little support (husband works long hours). I’m extremely tired all the time and have found it quite hard but I love my baby and would like another but I’m wondering if I can handle it. Time isn’t on our side so I can’t afford to have a big gap. Most likely my baby will go to nursery FT when he turns one. My thought process is that once he is in nursery for the core part of the day, outside of that it should be much easier for me as it will mainly be breakfast, and then late afternoon and then bath, bottle and bed. Obviously I know there is much more that goes into it, and there will be sick days, and sleepless nights etc, but I’m thinking surely the fact he is in nursery from 9-3 must make things a lot easier? I hope this post doesn’t sound like I want to palm my child off on someone else, that isn’t the case. I’m just wondering what life with a child looks like in the future as I need to make a decision ASAP about a potential second.

I have a 5 year old and a nearly 2 year old. In my experience so far things get easier when they are 3. Your past the toddler tantrums stage (mostly), they can take themselves to the toilet and hopefully they are right to er sleeping through or it has improved.

I’m confused by going to nursery 9 to 3 - that’s part time so I’m assuming your going to be working part time?

For me it did get easier. Time to get things done round the house / admin and also time for me to rest and catch up on sleep. Firstborn is 4 and at nursery, going to school in September. She loves nursery but does come home tired and grumpy in the evening. We’ve just had our second. Babies are demanding but all the hard work is totally worth it and it does all pass by so quickly.

Definitely gets easier in terms of hands on care. Are you going to be working while they're at nursery though? If so then it's not exactly a break. If not then yes you'll have much more time to get house jobs done and feel more human

If you want a second then go for it. They'll be in school before you know it.

Not really, but then I have a 6 year old with autism and a teenager with mental health problems so I'm probably not the best person to ask!

I had 2 18 months apart and with good organisation it was do able even without nursery . I used 15 hours when each of mine got to 3 . One of mine had a very easy temperament and the other was a good sleeper . I was shattered - but I don’t regret it …I was a SAHM with husband only in the country couple nights a week . We had a good circle of friends though who I met with the kids most mornings

We haven’t had the natural easing of toddlers turning into preschoolers because our twins are both disabled but it did get easier when they started nursery - mind you they only went two mornings a week from 2-3, then 3 days a week from 3. They’re now 4.5 and full time at a specialist school and it’s much easier. I won’t be having another for many reasons but I could manage it if they were in nursery full time. Then again, their first six months at nursery they were sick constantly and that was pretty brutal - especially the whole month when one was off with chicken pox for two weeks followed by the other. Awful! (Pay for the jab!)

Dd went to nursery at 18 months, but it didn’t get easier until she was 4. Three was a hideous age, but that might have just been us. She’s 4.5 now and it gets easier by the week.

I think if you want a second just go for it, each age and stage brings different challenges and that won’t change if you have one or 2!

Are you going back to work?
Nursery all day, plus both working FT was a manageable juggle. As soon as school started, it became worse. And when DS2 started school (2 year gap between the boys), I quit, as we were dropping too many balls (low lights being neither parent in the country for the school day, and praying the planes weren't delayed, or DS1 getting blue lighted to hospital, DH 3000 miles away, work screaming for my time and trying to find somewhere for DS2 until my Mum could drive 200 miles to look after him overnight).
The actual child bit got better from preschool onwards, imo. But the logistics got worse.

I am in a similar situation OP, would like another baby and can’t hang about due to age. I’m sort of accepting that it will probably feel like I’m trudging through treacle at times but I am also looking at how things will be on the other side. Think a benefit of having two close on age is that they will hopefully play well together and be at the right age for similar activities etc. Of course there’s no guarantee they’ll like the same things but we can hope!

You can't guarantee that a nursery is available. My best friend had another child, planning it to be around when the others were at nursery/school. Then lockdown happened and she has been at home with three in the house.

Worth considering all possibilities.

I think so. If you throw work into the mix obviously that brings its own challenges but a good nursery routine works wonders. But then hopefully you'll be on mat leave again before too long.

Yes. For me hugely. I work 4 days a week but finish early on Thursday by working slightly longer hours Mon-Wed.

I personally need the break. I love my children with everything I have but I need time to be myself & some peace & quiet. I also have to work, we couldn’t afford to live otherwise. So for me, nursery gave me that breather and I’m a far better parent for it.

Possibly, it may depend on your job. I love mine, it’s logical & you need to think and it suits my brain really well. They say a change is as good as a rest & for me, it’s true. Doing work instead of childcare is a change & it feels like a break. I love sitting in my sunny, tidy kitchen in peace! I now WFH permanently due to covid so we’ve also lost the stressful part of commuting & nursery pick ups etc.. I finish at 4.30 & nursery is 5 mins walk away.

Nursery’s have remained open since June 2020. It was hard March - June 2020, I won’t lie but even in the deadly second wave over winter, they stayed open. It’s unlikely they’ll close again unless covid mutates into something more concerning for children.

It might get easier but then you'll have another one and be doing it all again?!

Look at getting some practical support in place. Do you not have family or friends around for help? Can DH not look to reduce his hours?

@punkyfishz I had my second whilst my first was in school 9-3 so I can assure you it definitely made things easier. Even during my pregnancy I was able to get some rest in while she was at school and when second came along it gave me one on one time with new baby. It also gave eldest that time away from a crying baby and time with her friends and I was happy she was occupied at school. Don’t feel bad, you’re not pawning your child off to anyone and nobody should judge you x

Yes, definitely, I went back to a long London commute when both of mine were just under 1 and yes, it was much easier than being home full time.

I have mixed views of it , I work freelance so was with them till they were just two then they went to nursery but pt. It was definitely easier but then I usually had another baby to look after so was busy as had 3dcs closeish in age and I have kept working pt throughout. Now my older two are in school and my youngest is in preschool, I actually find the preschool part quite frustrating as there's no add on hours were we are and I'm in Ireland so we only get the 15 free hours and they close at 12 with no option to pay for extra hours. I work 5 hours in the morning so it isn't a break and then they are all finished at different times which is actually more difficult than nursery tbh and here we have very very long school holidays whereas nursery and creches don't close so it's way easier to work more etc.

I love the ages they are now but I'm not someone who finds it loads easier as they get older , it just changes. I have to say I found 20 months to 3 quite tricky to but my dcs were busy,busy and constantly moving but on the other hand it was a lot more simple. We had such great days doing what we wanted like going to the beach, i could put them in sling and buggy and walk etc, it was weirdly a slower pace and their needs were so simple too and they all had early nights! I actually really enjoyed those early years so I'm glad I had that time tbh. But yes it defo gets easier to have have break..also me and my dh give each other time every weekend to sleep, read , run or just sit around the house watching TV..
We don't have any family support and the weekend is a perfect time to give each other space etc.