Looking for another perspective on this. I’m short my fiancé has 1 daughter (10)and I have 2 sons (10)and 1 daughter (7) My fiancé and I knew each other before we started dating etc and have been living together now for around 15 months. To be honest the moving in with me was accelerated by a number of financial reasons. I believe pointing these out will give an insight into how ruthless his ex wife is, who has made things very difficult even before my involvement. My finance and him owned a house and when he decided to eventually leave after years of unhappiness he was content to let her and his daughter remain in that house. He continued to pay the mortgage , bills and £400 odd in child maintenance. Meanwhile he moved back in with his parents for around a year. In that time to ensure he could keep paying the child maintenance , mortgage etc he sold his car etc and relied on public transport for work and the use of his parents car if they didn’t need to use it on occasion. During the year he saved up just enough for a deposit on a rental property which he wanted so his daughter could have her own room when she visited him and of course because he could not live indefinitely at his parents. Before signing the tenancy for the new place they had a discussion about the house his ex was living there, whether she had any intention to move out etc as if she did he would be paying rent and a mortgage on an empty house and would not be able to stop paying either. The reason he asked is because she met another man a few weeks after the split and they seemed serious. He had his own place etc. Literally a week or so after the tenancy was signed she told him she was a few months pregnant and was moving in with her boyfriend which meant that he had committed to a new rental completely unnecessarily and still had to pay a mortgage for an empty property. Long story short it took a year to sell the property and he gave her over half of the proceeds.
Before selling the property he had started to stay with me more and I offered him to move in , look at ways in which we could end the rental etc. He was absolutely skint by making child maintenance payments etc and rent , mortgage. In order he could meet child maintenance I insisted I would handle all the bills, mortgage payments, shopping etc. I didn’t ask anything of him to ensure he could get himself sorted and meet the payments to his ex . We would review once the house was sold. The only draw back was I live around 40 mins away.
In the meanwhile his daughter started staying over too. Initially it seemed fine , she played well with mine I took her to the shops bough her gifts, made a big fuss of her first time over where I bought party food, out a nice unicorn table cloth, balloons etc and we played board games. As an only child she seemed used to having a lot of one on one and her dad would be the kind to sit for hours playing games with her etc. So initially good. I was excited for the future. Then I would notice if her dad wasn’t around she’d be quite rude and sarcastic and would mutter things under her breath. She ran off from the shops once because he wouldn’t buy her something (despite buying her other things that day) . I would then hear her sneak on the phone to her mum telling her how awful her stay was. This upset me one particular day which cost me over £130 pounds for us all to go out . I knew she had fun so why say she didn’t? She would cry in the night and when I once tried to comfort her she made it pretty clear that I’d never replace her mum. I thought that these were quite grown up things for a 9 year old (at the time ) to say. I told her dad about these things and it was mainly “she’s just a child” “try doing more with her”. However it was clear she didn’t want me to be part of of her life. I guess I just didn’t have a role she had her mum , her dad but was very dismissive with me. If we had to take 2 cars anywhere I’d ask her if she wanted to take the ride back with me and she’d either cry at the thought of being with me or allow me to hear her disappointment and would insist she goes with her dad. I should make it clear that I will always take my kids out so they get a few hours one on one time , he’s been and stayed at his mums so she has exclusive time too. However now she doesn’t want to come at all and it’s tearing me and my fiancé apart to the point he’s staying at his mums. His ex lies for his daughter why she doesn’t want to come, even pretended she had to call a dr out she was so ill but then my son noticed in his tik tok feed she was posting videos playing at that very moment and throughout the day. When fiancé eventually got through there was no telling off either of them . He asked if he could come and see her as she didn’t come the week before and she just said no. She’s rather stay with her mum. He drive down to where she was as planned and his daughter said she didn’t want to come. She ended up not coming . There’s never a reason why she doesn’t want to come its I just want to stay with my mum. There’s been times if his fiancé doesn’t get an extra sum of money on top of the child maintenance of £400 she won’t let her come. It’s a mess. His daughter is constantly not off her phone but even after rejecting her dad when he turns up on set days and any other time he tries to spend with her she can’t even text him to say she loved him. She never engages with him or me. My daughter who looks up to his daughter is heartbroken she can’t understand what’s going on. Neither can I. I have said she has always been treated like she’s a lot younger. I cannot believe a child is allowed to dictate even she gets to see her dad. He’s an excellent dad, He is so attentive and he’d do anything for her. I’m now at the point where this child has done nothing but made me feel like an outsider in my own home , has treated her dad appalling is just left to get on with it. If she wants to see her dad (which I don’t think she will( he should just go there) she’s made it clear she doesn’t want to come over to the house. I tried to make everything as good as I could to make it feel like home, including moving my son out his room so the girls could share a bigger room. I spent hundreds of pounds on double beds, lovely wallpaper , dressing table and did a big reveal for one night she came over. That kept her happy for 2 weeks before she did another month or so of refusing to come over. My fiancé and I disagree on the next steps. I am so hurt by watching my fiancé cry and be upset that she will just refuse to go with him. I can honestly say I give up on her coming here I have my own daughter to think of. I think they should just have their relationship as she certainly does not want one with me. Sorry for long post but I can see us splitting up over this and what for, she probably still won’t see him.