Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

AIBU to not want to be at the in-laws for DC birthday

25 replies

TwoYearsMarried · 30/05/2021 20:28

We are visiting the in laws (all Covid compliant) for the first time in 15 months. We were always due to travel back on Thursday for my DC's 3rd birthday on Friday. We had a mini outdoor party planned for the weekend but are cancelling it due to just general perception of having a garden party during these times. So there is no massive urgency to get back other than to be at time for DC's birthday. All his gifts are at home and our birthday tradition is to usually do cake and presents in bed very first thing for any of our birthdays.
Now that we have called off the party, DH wants to stay on all weekend and have the birthday here. I don't want to. We'll have had 10 days with the in laws by then, I'll be ready to go home and I want to do our own little tradition of opening gifts etc in the comfort of our own home. Plus if we stayed here for the birthday DC would have no gifts to open! He says I'm not compromising and his parents haven't seen the kids in 15 months so we should stay (he wants to stay).

Sure they haven't seen the kids for 15 months due to covid but tbh they were hopeless before!

AIBU to want us to go home as planned and have the birthday at home just us? Opening presents and eating cake in bed in the morning in the comfort of our own home and then just having a nice day out just us. Without the in-laws sniffing around and observing! We'll already have been with them 10 bloody days!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Hardertobreathe · 30/05/2021 20:47

He wants his parents to be able to see DS on his birthday, he’s so young he won’t notice not having presents on his actual birthday as a one off.
Is 11 days, rather than 10, going to actually make that much difference? I can’t imagine they will ever get the chance to have him on his birthday again.

That said, you are more easy going than me. I wouldn’t stay 10 days with my own DM never mind my late PIL!

Coolhand2 · 30/05/2021 21:04

I would stay so he could have his birthday with his grandparents, he is still young, you will have lots of birthdays alone without them. If you were leaving a week before I would get it but to leave a day before a birthday, I would just extend it.

ZenNudist · 30/05/2021 21:07

I couldn't survive that long with ILs. YANBU Go home,!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Events & celebrations Families General parenting

Holly60 · 30/05/2021 21:11

You could compromise and have an early birthday celebration with in-laws and then come home for actual birthday? I think in light of the fact you will have been there for 10 days YANBU

LivingLaVidaCovid · 30/05/2021 21:12

Marriage is about compromise (and building credit you can draw down on later)

Ignoring what your inlaws think can you stomach it just this once for your DH?
It seems important to him and Covid has been hard on everyone - it would be a small kindness.

I say this as someone who has challenging in laws - due to illness in the family I spend a month with them!!! It was hard going but important to my DH.

ComDummings · 30/05/2021 21:15

10 days with even my own parents (who I adore) would kill me off, let alone my in laws (most of whom I adore) so YANBU at all!

MiddleParking · 30/05/2021 21:19

We had a mini outdoor party planned for the weekend but are cancelling it due to just general perception of having a garden party during these times.

There is literally nothing wrong with having a garden party right now, even the most rabid pro-lockdowner would struggle to find fault with a ‘mini outdoor party’ at this stage. So I’d be saying, sorry, we’ve got to leave Thursday to get back for DC’s birthday party. And then do that. But it sounds like you might be a bit late to pull that one with your DH? I can’t understand why you cancelled it at all!

Ilovemaisie · 30/05/2021 21:22

If he is turning 3 he won't actually know which day is his birthday.
Spending time with family is more important that recieving presents on the 'correct' day. Also you want to eat cake in bed with a 3 year old ? Are you mad. The mess....the then wanting cake everyday for breakfast....
Stay at your in law's. Give them this time with their grandchild. Covid has been cruel to families not being able to see each other.

Reallybadidea · 30/05/2021 21:36

Struggling to understand the logic of cancelling a garden party because it's too risky, yet staying overnight with in laws...

But otherwise, yes I think you should stick to the original agreement. If it's because they want to see him on his birthday, then it's not much different to any other day without cake and presents!

Aprilwasverywet · 30/05/2021 21:38

I would be worried ils will expect to be included in dc's birthday from now on...

Disfordarkchocolate · 30/05/2021 21:40

Why did you cancel the party? Its a perfectly fine thing to do at the moment.

motogogo · 30/05/2021 21:45

I don't understand why you cancelled a mini outdoor party? I would stay at the in-laws

BirthdayCakeBelly · 30/05/2021 21:50

Also don’t understand why the party was cancelled, the weathers going to be lovely.

I wouldn’t stay for the birthday without presents. How shit would that be for the child?!

WWYD12345 · 30/05/2021 22:08

Go home for the birthday. I like birthdays to be at home and if you start staying with the ILs for one may it just be an expectation going forward?

Even though DC may not know it's not the day and no presents etc it would still matter to me.

PinkSatinMoon · 30/05/2021 22:15

Do what makes you happy OP. 🌸

LostThings · 30/05/2021 22:15

I would go home so your DC can have a proper birthday with presents.

Original poster

TwoYearsMarried · 30/05/2021 22:22

@MiddleParking

We had a mini outdoor party planned for the weekend but are cancelling it due to just general perception of having a garden party during these times.

Because we're in Wales, children's birthday parties expressly not allowed! Didn't realise that when booking it.

OP posts:

Maray1967 · 31/05/2021 19:57

Let in laws have a special lunch for him on the Thursday and give him his presents. Travel back Thursday afternoon. Home for birthday on Friday. There is no way I would be there on Friday. But neither would I have cake in bed!
Seriously, my DH knows better than to suggest let’s have DC’s birthday at my mum’s...

MootMoot · 31/05/2021 19:59

10 days with the in laws is far far far too long I'd shoot myself plenty of time!

Castlepeak · 31/05/2021 20:04

10 days is long enough. Have an early birthday celebration with the grandparents, complete with cake, then head home and do it again on his birthday.

bishbashbosh99 · 31/05/2021 20:05

What about your parents? I don't spend my sons birthday with either side to not upset the others and they see him weekends either side i stead

Etsylicious · 31/05/2021 20:06

‘Sniffing around and observing’ is a pretty derogatory way to talk about them...

theleafandnotthetree · 31/05/2021 20:09

@PinkSatinMoon

Do what makes you happy OP. 🌸

Well in fairness when you're in a family with other people, you can't just or only do what makes you happy

OwlTwitterings · 31/05/2021 20:09

I’d stay. If you can manage 10 days with them, an extra one won’t harm. Or if you can really only manage 10 days, just go a day later.

user7891011 · 31/05/2021 21:20

Just have the party, who cares about anyone's 'general perception'. You're outside so it would be quite safe and you can keep numbers to a minimum. Sad to live under the scrutiny of others for no reason

Flip