Spending 24/7 with baby

[Court125A]

Hi ladies,

I feel like I’m not normal and may need help. I don’t want to be around my baby 24/7, I love him but I love when he goes to sleep so I can have a bath or have a wine and watch a show/eat my dinner. Is this terrible? I’m told by mums they can’t wait for their baby to wake up etc but I get annoyed when he wakes after 20 mins instead of having his full nap. I’m constantly questioning do I love him enough,
How should I feel, am I obsessed as I should be... it’s really tough. He’s 9 weeks.

Oh my gosh no you are completely normal!! You crave the opportunity to give yourself the most basic self care, how can that be wrong? Most mums can't wait to get away from baby for an hour or two but as time progresses without your lo you would naturally start to miss them. but you haven't had that long away from your baby I'm guessing so you've had no time to miss them, only time to miss two minutes to yourself. It wouldn't be healthy to be that obsessively attached anyway :)

I don’t think most mums do want to be with their babies 24/7. Tbh I’ve known far more mums who have their baby off overnight from under 6 weeks or go off out for dinner alone without baby pre 6 weeks than not. In fact I was consistently told I was weird for not leaving my baby.
You sound like a completely normal mum who wants to have some time to relax as having a baby is pretty tough going. So enjoy the bath or cuppa. And don’t worry so much about other people.
Fwiw those people posting “my world” type posts about their babies are often not really like that in real life. Those whose babies are their whole lives are probably stuck under a napping baby too far from their phones to post anything! 😂

I’ve always felt the way you have. Im a cosleeping SAHM but I need my own time and space. My favourite time of the day is knowing my two are tucked up happily sleep in bed.

I find it more unusual to want to spend 24/7 round a baby at the expense of yourself! Your baby benefits from a happy, well rounded, rested mum more than if you were smelly, frazzled and totally obsessed with them!

No shame here in admitting I do sometimes count down to bedtime (but then normally force DH to look at photos/videos!).

Christ no that’s totally normal!
If I remember correctly I felt it worst when my son was your sons age. Felt I was over the newborn hype/whirlwind but he still had zero routine and the tiredness had overtaken the adrenaline. I craved just sitting by myself in silence and used to almost throw him at my partner when he came home from work as I’d rather cook dinner/clean than spend more time with him.
If it helps hes 4 months now and as much as a still love a bit of time to myself he’s at a much nicer age, bit more predictable and more engaged with me when he’s awake.
As long as you’re feeling happy in yourself generally and aren’t worried about PND then you’ve got nothing to worry about, you can still be a great mom and enjoy your own time/space

You sound normal.

My baby rarely slept without me, but snatching a little time to have a bath etc really helped me.

It wouldn't be healthy to be that obsessively attached anyway

What exactly is unhealthy about spending lots of time with your newborn? At that age mine was in a sling when he wasn't feeding or being changed. So you don't speak for everyone and it's certainly not "unhealthy" - just a different parenting style.

Ahhh I feel much better. Sometimes I feel so guilty for just not wanting to hold him and wanting to have some me time especially when other mums say they never want a second to themselves and miss them even when they shower, I thought I might not have bonded yet when I thought I had!

I have to say, I never heard a single one of my friends say that they couldn’t wait for baby to wake up!
I remember getting stressed if mine didn’t get a decent nap so I could have a break - which usually meant getting things done.
Don’t worry, this is normal. We all need a break.

Completely normal!! My DD is almost 13 hours and I still can’t wait for nap/bed times 😂 I love her to bits and enjoy the time she’s awake but there’s nothing wrong with wanting some ‘you’ time.

Almost 13 months**

Totally normal! Babies require so much attention and energy - it’s completely reasonable and expected that you want some time to yourself. It absolutely doesn’t mean you don’t love them, or that you’re doing something wrong. Please don’t worry about feeling this way.

Yeah, there's a big old myth (or patriarchal lie) that mothers immediately glue to their babies and can't be without them for a second I certainly wasn't like that, it's totally normal to need a break. As someone else said, I actually have found that over time I'm more glued to him- in the early days I'd pass him off to anyone who'd have him! Don't worry. Some people want to be around their babies all the time, but a lot of people say that kind of thing because they think it's what they 'should' say. I never knew competitive loving was a thing until I started chatting to other new mums...

Eh? Of course that's completely normal. The trope of parents dancing for joy when the baby finally sleeps wouldn't be a thong otherwise

I’m told by mums they can’t wait for their baby to wake up

The mums that are saying this to you are either lying or over compensating. I dont have one mum friend who thinks this. Its mainly 'thank fuck they've gone to sleep because I really want a tea/coffee/nap'.

You're totally normal!