My DS and best friend's DS

[blondiebee]

My lifelong best friend and I have sons of the same age (both are 5).
My son is very lively, outgoing, loves singing, dancing, rolling around outside etc. He hardly ever sits stills, he's so active and always doing stuff. Best friend's son is very quiet, and never seems keen to play when the visit our house. He has quite bad asthma and eczema, so she doesn't like him playing out in cold weather or running around, says it triggers his conditions too much. He's not allowed chocolate, sweets or anything like that. No fizzy drinks either. I allow my son to have the occasional drink of coke or chocolate bar as a treat, don't see any harm in it tbh. Because the other boy hardly ever plays or wants to take part in anything when they visit, my son has recently starting saying he doesn't want him coming over any more :( I've tried explaining that the little boy is just different to him and that he still needs to be kind and considerate towards him and his asthma and health issues but it's hard getting a 5 year old to understand this. He just sees it that the boy doesn't really want to play with him and isn't interested in his toys and isn't allowed any treats :( I don't want these differences causing issues between them because I'm very close to my best friend and would like our sons to be friends. Anyone in similar situations?

This is very tricky and I do sympathise. It doesn’t sound like either boy is getting much out of it. Can you and your friend make time to see each other without your children?

If the kids dont click with each other, you cant force it.

You can't force them to be friends.
Make time to see your friend without your kids in tow.

It doesn’t work like you think it works. You can’t just instruct/ expect your child to be friends with other kids because it’s socially convenient for you. This only gets worse the older they get the clearer they are about who they like and who they don’t!

It sounds like they're two very different personality types OP and I don't think it's worth trying to force them to socialise. Could you maybe try and see your friend away from the children?

Please don’t expect your son to be friends with your friend’s son if they don’t like each other. My
Mum did this to me Ruth her friends daughter - I didn’t like her her I was 5, I couldn’t stand her by the time we were 15!

I think you can't force it.

However, you could try to provide snacks that's they can both eat. Your ds doesn't need to have fizzy drinks when they are round.
You could also try and organise some activities they both might enjoy.

If they both still don't click then I agree that it's time to see your friend on her own.

My father aged 74 still gets riled about Martin the son of my long gone grandmothers good friend who Dad was forced to be “friends” with as a boy and couldn’t stand!

At about 6 my dd begged me not to have my friend over with her dd. She could play with most children, never really passed comment on anyone but really couldn't get going with this little one. Gradually we moved to adults meeting only and this still continues now those girls are in their 20s.
But as said just pick snacks the other little boy can have but don't have your guy know that's why those snacks are on that day. Maybe there is a quiet activity the visiting boy would rather do on his own eg Lego and let them both do their own thing.

What do they actually do when they're together? Do they play their own things separately or just sit kind of awkwardly in the room with the adults? It doesn't sound like much fun for anyone.
Can you and ds try to come up with a couple of activities they might both enjoy? Painting or lego or something? If that doesn't work after another couple of meetings then it's time to move to adults only

I can’t say I know any parents who would allow their 5 year old to drink coke but I’m not sure why snacks are relevant to this situation. He doesn’t get on with the other boy and doesn’t want to hang out with him.

Could you try a day out instead of meeting at each other's houses?

Just meet your friend for drinks in the evening child-free

Why don’t you explain to your DS that mummy’s best friend is coming over and bringing her DS with her. Then when they visit set up whatever activities the boys want to do (not necessarily the same ones) so if your DS wants to play in the garden he can do that and if her DS wants to do colouring or play on a tablet he can do that. This shifts the emphasis away from them having to get on, and also encourages him to see that mummy also has a life and friends etc which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Follow it with a play date for him with someone he really likes to play with. They might become closer in later years anyway, or not, but you can’t force it.