Parenting together when you're not on the same page

[tunainatin]

Just wondering if anyone else is in this situation and might like to share experiences. There seems to be a common belief that both parents need to be 'on the same page' in terms of discipline etc. I can see that this is ideal but it just not possible for everyone. Dh and I have very different approaches (some differences are due to growing up in different cultures). We manage, but it can be challenging at times. One example is that I like routine, but he won't stick to routines. Anyone else in this situation? I thought it might he good to share experiences and how we've overcome challenges.

I don't think two parents need to be identical in approach (in fact I'd say it's impossible for 2 people to be identical in approach). But I think it is necessary to have a similar ethos or overall parenting style. Or for one parent to be happy to be guided by the other in terms of parenting style, rather than arguing against it.

But assuming you can reach an agreement on the basics of parenting styles, I think it's useful for the two parents to have different approaches - as long as your end goal is in-line.

I'm much more routine focused than DH. He's happy to take the lead from me in every day stuff. But there are times when breaking routine is necessary or has other benefits. For example for inpromtu days out. I cannot think of anything worse than an unplanned inprompu day out. In fact I don't much enjoy day trips at all, even planned ones (too much like very hard work when you have 4 children and their routines to consider). But I could not say that suprise "lets go to the beach/zoo/countyside" trip isn't exciting and good for the kids. Even though it's my idea of the worst possible idea. But DH knows me well enough and completely understands my parenting styles. So he takes the lead on these out-of-routine times. He takes the time to keep me calm, remind me to stop worrying about routine, tries to make it so I have fun too (I never do, I hate surprises - but family life isnt just about me, is it?)

Yes, I think that's what I've learnt really, to let the other person take the lead when they are in their comfort zone and you are out of yours! I agree it can be positive, and I feel it is some of the time for us but not all.

And sometimes the out of routine type things are the kind of things the kids will really remember fondly.