Self conscious 6 year old

[Northend77]

Hi all
One of my 6 year old twin girls is a bit of a fashionista, picks outfits for her and her sister, loves accessories, etc. It's always been lovely watching her develop this skill however today it really hit home how important her looks are to her and I am concerned that she's already succumbing to the pressures around societal beauty standards. She has had a tooth infection (please don't come at me, I feel mortified already) which she is on antibiotics for and overnight her cheek swelled up somewhat. She's told me she's not in pain but she was refusing to go to school for fear of what the other children might say about it. She was so upset that I was almost crying. Her sister is already on the warpath ready to deal with any bullies but I am now genuinely concerned that she's placing so much importance on her looks at such an early age. Does anyone have any ideas on how I can help her deal with this and perhaps teach her that they're really not the be all and end all

It’s difficult isn’t it.... no real advice but interested in responses.
Are you sure it was definitely her swollen face, rather than the pain, causing the issue?
My DD was sat on the sofa the other day when one of the adverts came on for underprivileged children.We talked about how process dresses etc are lovely to have, but some children have nothing. No food, water, clothes, no books, no medical care and how there’s more to life and to be mindful of bragging and gloating about possessions etc. (She’s five and I’ve already witnessed her friend saying how she has thousands more dresses than DD - she has more of everything 🤣but that’s another story!).

• princess dresses etc

I've had similar with my 5 year old only not as intense as what you mention.
I've started focussing her attention on how we treat people, I say things like it's what's in your heart that matters. I know it sounds a bit cringey but she'd really started talking about how fair some of her friends were, how their hair was straighter/ lovelier/ curlier than others.
Maybe bring her attention back to what a lovely, kind person she is and that's what her friends will see not the swollen cheek and so on.

Thank you, we do focus a lot on what's inside a person and have had talks about bullying (from both sides of the coin) and what makes a nice and not so nice personality. She's nowhere near as sensitive as her sister so this threw me quite a bit this morning, she's usually so good at shrugging stuff off. She definiteily confirmed she's not in too much pain - a bit of discomfort is expected. Today they are having a party to celebrate the number of class merits they have earned and she's contributed quite a lot to that so both she and i were really keen for her to go today. We spoke to her teacher this morning and she assured me she will keep an eye on her and that they have a busy and fun day planned so hopefully she'll forget about it.

I totally understand that most people - children and adults - would be at least a bit self conscious about a swollen face so I'll see how she goes in other situations once this has settled down but I am definitely more focussed now on talking to her about what's inside than outside

Question OP - when your DC is playing dress up (or just normally), do you make a big effort to praise their appearance? If so, they may naturally have contributed to them linking appearance with praise.

In the future, you might want to instead praise their creativity or effort in putting together fun outfits, so it diverts focus from being pretty (if that makes sense).

@SnoopsCaliforniaRoll

Question OP - when your DC is playing dress up (or just normally), do you make a big effort to praise their appearance? If so, they may naturally have contributed to them linking appearance with praise.

In the future, you might want to instead praise their creativity or effort in putting together fun outfits, so it diverts focus from being pretty (if that makes sense).

Although I think my girls are very pretty I realise I rarely tell them that actually and praise them most for how clever they are, great pictures they draw and their other achievements. The girl in question is very fashion focussed and, for the last couple of years, has shown a great talent in making clothes for her Barbie dolls (swimwear out of balloons, dresses out of socks, tissues, etc) so much so that I bought her a sewing machine for Christmas! She will say that she thinks she's pretty and I'll agree with her that they are both pretty girls if she brings it up but it's probably the thing I focus on the least

I don't think there is anything wrong with your DC taking pride in herself and her appearance. Experimenting with clothes etc is obviously a source of joy for her. You sound like a lovely Mum

@SnoopsCaliforniaRoll

I don't think there is anything wrong with your DC taking pride in herself and her appearance. Experimenting with clothes etc is obviously a source of joy for her. You sound like a lovely Mum

Thank you so much, that's very kind. I guess it's just so much more obvious to me because her sister just doesn't seem to care that much!! I always dreaded them growing up in today's world, I'm so glad I grew up without social media, youtube, digital cameras and filters! I'll continue to encourage balancing her love of fashion and beauty with loving herself for who she is and just keep an eye out for any signs that it's causing a problem

“ I'm so glad I grew up without social media, youtube, digital cameras and filters” me too!
How did it go after? Was she ok?