Christening

[Lea098]

I just want some opinions so basically my boyfriend is from Romania and I am from England and in romania they baptise there babies but just put water on there head and then they get God parents. My partner is also baptised when he was a baby and then they have a party to celebrate and its a big tradition. I have not been baptised and was brought up in a different religion that was basically a cult and I left that religion and I'm not religious and don't want to force my baby to be baptised as I have had a really bad experience in religion (cult) so i have explained to my partner that I don't want to go through with this and my reasons why. He is very understanding but it's a tradition and also he believes that our baby will have a good life and be really blessed if we get him baptised and its also a tradition they do. Basically I just feel like my baby should have a choice and he said he will he can do whatever he wants to when he is older but it's something really close to my partner that's why he wants to have this celebration and I just feel like I'm forcing my baby as i was literally forced into another religion when i was younger

The "choice" comes with confirmation. That's when the person chooses.

Sorry what do you mean?

Confirmation is another ceremony, usually held when children are older, where the faith is "confirmed", roughly speaking. Is your DH orthodox? Often, but not always, in orthodoxy confirmation is done right after the baptism.

It's a tricky subject to navigate, especially when there are slightly differing views. I am afraid this can only be solved by lots of conversations between two of you.
Firstly, find out what exactly the ceremony your DH is talking about is. Is it a baptism? Is it a baptism followed by christmation? Hopefully this will aid you in making your decision.

Does your boyfriend practice his religion?

Is your partner active in his faith? Does he go to church regularly, it just Christmas/Easter etc, or not at all?

If he isn't active then the baptism is just a tradition and an excuse for a party and I doubt that your DC will go to church unless they choose to.

Yes he is orthodox Christian but they do the baptism when they are 3 months old and then they have a party after and he said it's to give the baby his name aswell but I feel like if he will be baptised I am forcing him into a religion and want him to make this decision when he is old enough

I agree about baptism - it should be personal choice. But the church can offer other ceremonies to welcome a child - a naming ceremony or christening or blessing is still in a church but can be slightly different to a baptism. Although some parts of the church do use the words interchangeably so be sure what you mean. E.g. C of E baptise the child and also refer to it as a christening.

If you just don't want your child welcomed into the church at all then you can say no, or allow your husband to go ahead without you being a part of it. Like all disagreements there will be a way forward that works for you.

No he doesn't go to church but he wants our baby to be baptised and then he will have God parents and its also a tradition and he believes that by our baby being baptised he will have good blessings in life. Then after they have a party and he also said it's to give the baby his name

It needs to be a conversation with you and your better half.

Fwiw - baptism in CoE is quite casual once it's done; I was baptised as a baby and can't remember regularly attending church at any point. I've found the knowledge that I am baptised to be of comfort at times. Religion was in no way forced upon me; we had bibles in the house but no one forced me to read them - I naturally went to them out of interest. Unfortunately I don't know who my god parents are as my mum stopped attending when I was too young to recall.

@Bizjustgotreal

It needs to be a conversation with you and your better half.

Fwiw - baptism in CoE is quite casual once it's done; I was baptised as a baby and can't remember regularly attending church at any point. I've found the knowledge that I am baptised to be of comfort at times. Religion was in no way forced upon me; we had bibles in the house but no one forced me to read them - I naturally went to them out of interest. Unfortunately I don't know who my god parents are as my mum stopped attending when I was too young to recall.

*other half - I refer to my better half as my better half as a term of endearment.

We've had all 5 of our children baptised at the request of my mother. Neither of us are religious and it is completely up to our children to choose if they want to be religious when they are older. Having a baptism is just 1 day, you don't have to send them to a faith school after or attend church if you do not want to.

You could suggest a naming ceremony instead and see how he takes that.

Thanks everyone for replying. This makes me feel a lot better about him being baptised and know that when he will grow older then he can decide if he wants to be religious or not

@Lea098

No he doesn't go to church but he wants our baby to be baptised and then he will have God parents and its also a tradition and he believes that by our baby being baptised he will have good blessings in life. Then after they have a party and he also said it's to give the baby his name

The baby has your partners surname if you gave him that name on the birth Cert, not by being baptised. The fact that your partner doesn't even practise his own religion is good enough reason for you to tell him it's not happening. If he was involved in his church partaking in services etc then by all means have a conversation about it, but because he's not it doesn't make sense to baptise the baby. And why should baby be indoctrinated into a religion that he chooses? Your feelings have to be taken into consideration too. Having godparents is nothing to get excited about - sure it might mean an extra present at Christmas or for birthdays perhaps. True godparents are supposed to be involved in the child's religious upbringing so would need to be religious themselves. To me it sounds like your partner just wants an excuse for a party.