Day 1 of potty training going badly - need a pep talk!

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We thought the warm weather and BH weekend would be a good time to attempt potty training with our toddler. I'm now seriously regretting that decision!

We're following the Oh Crap method and this morning has been a bit of a disaster - an early win with a bit of poo (she couldn't hold it in any longer) but then a morning of wee on the floor but none in the potty. Basically, she knows when she needs to go but is very resistant to actually sitting on the potty. We're trying to be as relaxed as possible, but she's probably feeling a bit anxious and overwhelmed.

I know it's only day 1 but I'm losing enthusiasm already. Does anyone have a success story of this approach working after a disastrous first day?!

How old is the child?

With my eldest we tried at 2.5 and day one was just terrible. Loads of accidents and not even an indication he knew it was coming.

We stopped. We tried again just before 3 and it was totally different. Day one was only 1 accident.

Like you we'd thought we try in good weather etc. He just had other ideas and it was close to Christmas!

My daughter was looking promising at Easter so we tried then with her. She was 26 months. Was also a disaster. She'd sit on the potty fine but waited until in her pants to pee.

We stopped again and will try again in a few months.

My advice would always be don't force it and go with the flow. I think books like oh crap are basically crap lol. They make you think you're doing something wrong

If a child's ready to be toilet trained they should be able to go a couple of hours between wees so don't keep making them sit and try all the time as all that does is encourage an overactive bladder . You want to build up bladder Capacity so lots of water and try every 90 mins at the most/ longer if possible,

I don’t think there is ONE method you can follow.
Children need to be able to:

• pee on demand. When they can do that make them pee before bath and in the morning. Then they get used to that feeling.
• then when you decide to start I always think it’s best to start by reminding them every so often and making them go. Then just stretch out the time between wees.

We went from asking him every 30 mins to 2 hours in about 48 hours. At this point I would start taking the child outside sans nappy. And taking them to wee when we left the house and when we came back in. The thing is that some children can immediately tell when they need to wee, hold on and make it to the potty. But many go through a long phase of ‘can do it on demand and hold their wee for 2+ hours but remembering to go is hit or miss.’ For DS1 that stage was about a week. For DS2 it was nearly 3 months. They all get there though.

It's absolutely awful and I'm so grateful now that my last child is potty trained and I never have to do it again. Unless you think she is absolutely not ready, I would persist. It took about 2 weeks to see noticeable change with my youngest, eldest one after about 5 days. But 2 months to really get it and then it clicked. It's really worth persisting, especially now while there aren't that many places to go yet and you're probably still at home more than you might be in the summer.

The first time we tried, our first day was like that. It was stressful and she just didn't want to sit on the toilet and was getting upset, even though she had showed all the signs that she was ready. We tried for five more miserable days and gave up. We then tried three months later and I was easy peasy. She sat on the toilet without a fuss and didn't have any accidents. The only thing we did differently was lots and lots of praise for even attempting anything to do with the toilet.

We tried oh crap and personally I think its a waste of time. It's such a huge skill for them to learn, to change their constant, you can't expect that to happen all in a weekend.
I think if we had tried a more relaxed method from the start with ds(2.5yrs) then we would have had a lot more success. But by following oh crap he got agitated and fed up and ended up putting the potty on the table and saying "no more" and that was after only 1 accident on day 1 and another on day 2. If you're loosing enthusiasm already I would suggest waiting a bit longer

Thanks so much for all your responses - just nice to feel I'm not alone.

She's 23 months, so still young. I will probably leave her bare bottomed in the house over the weekend and if she's not made substantial progress, put her back in nappies until the August bank holiday.

I know she can hold her wee for a couple of hours because she often has dry nappies and tends to flood at specific times of the day (she's in cloth so it's easy to gauge). This morning, I think she was trying to hold it in, which resulted in lots of little dribbles.

I genuinely thought she was ready, but I'm happy to admit I was wrong. The damn book is very persuasive - I think I got carried away!

You need to give it longer than half a day for her to get used to it 😁

Definitely give it some more time - it's like any skill, she might not be ready, but she might need to practise a bit more. No shame at all in then giving her a break for a while if it's not working yet for her...but give her a chance to get used to the concept first.

As soon as you use a "method" for any bit of parenting, you're just putting pressure on everyone involved (believe me, been there!).

Hope the next few days go well, but don't worry at all if she's not ready.... she'll get there

Oh, by the way - I had one who definitely needed to be entirely naked to get the hang of it...took me a couple of days to twig!

I found that, when they are truly ready, it's pretty easy. I'd always rather wait that little bit longer as it really needn't be a stressful process.
I also had 2 that really didn't like the potty and went straight to the 'big' toilet (with an insert)
Good luck over the weekend!

Ok I'll tell u my experience of potty training. I didn't read any books or follow any methods. I just went for it, showed her the potty told her to tell me or go sit on it when she needs to pee. She was 26 months.

Day 1, yes we managed quite a few pees in the potty, but I went through 19, yes 19 pairs of pants 🙈 She just kept peeing wherever she was standing. It really didn't go well, I thought she'd take to it really gd but 🤷🏻‍♀️ I then panicked I don't have a clue what I'm doing. I actually thought I'm going to have to stop and try again in a few months. I questioned whether she was actually ready.

Day 2, oh there was so much improvement. Poo in potty and only 3 little pee accidents. She also showed an interest in using the seat toilet so did that for a lot of the day and a poo on the toilet 😀

Day 3 no pee accidents but she did do a massive poo only kitchen floor while running to the toilet (obvs didn't make it 😆)

Day 4 no accidents and very rarely any accidents after that. I couldn't believe the progress in a few days so keep at it and hopefully she gets better. I think you need to give them a couple of days to understand and work it out.

Oh crap method takes minimum of 3 days. Like all skills it’s learnt by trying and not quiet doing it.

Gosh she's not even 2 yet!! I don't see how she could be ready so young. Put the book down, follow your instincts and I would wait at least 6 months

I think you need to persevere for a couple of days. Naked from the waist down in the house/garden and then decide if she’s ready or not. I don’t think you can know this early into the process.

Both of mine potty trained before 2 so it is possible, I think it very much depends on the child.

Fwiw, both mine were ready pre 2 (and one of those had slightly rubbish impulse control and interoception ). So I wouldn't write it off because she's not 2 yet.

She's still so young. Don't rush and don't put pressure on yourself.

She'll get there when she's ready

Dh threw oh crap in the bin after our second (three day) attempt! At 24 and 30 months. We've yet to try again.

As you say it's a very persuasive book. But my ds was just not ready.