Sleep training 6mo. How and did it work?

[Sleepevades]

DC2 seems to have permanently ‘broken’ since 4 month sleep regression. We didn’t do any sleep training with DC1 and she remains a terrible sleeper to this day. I co-slept/attachment parented and my memory of maternity leave with her is a lot of anxiety about her sleep and me feeling almost psychotic with tiredness. When I returned to work I was off sick for the first few weeks as I came down with multiple bugs, likely as a result of being so run down. It was embarrassing and I didn’t feel safe to be doing my job - which has a high level of responsibility. I can’t repeat this. Please no one tell me to try co-sleeping or that sleep training is wrong. My marriage falling apart would be wrong and me ending up in court because of negligence at work would be wrong. I’m sorry to sound so defensive, but I’m very familiar with what the anti-sleep training arguments are and they’re very convincing, but it’s a balance and right now the a balance in our house is completely off.

Has anyone successfully sleep trained at 6 months? If so, how did you do it? And did it actually work? I breastfeed and he feeds 2-3 times a night but is up much more than that to be resettled by patting or cuddling to sleep. He’s quite big for his age and pre regression he had been sleeping 8 hour stretches, so I know he probably only actually needs one night feed. I would be so grateful to hear what did/didn’t work for anyone.

Thank you.

I was the same as you. I followed lots of attachment parenting Instagram accounts and I felt that I'd damage my child if I sleep trained. I Co slept and did contact naps/ waking naps in the day up until 8 months. This meant I was sometimes going on 3 walks a day. My dd was also waking every hour through the night, despite Co sleeping. Something had to give eventually.

I started with the ferber method. On the first night, she was asleep after 7 minutes and woke every couple of hours. Each time, she'd only cry for 2 mins before going back to sleep. After a few nights she started crying more with naps so I ended up putting her down and then sitting in a chair next to her cot until she went to sleep. This is what I still do now for naps and night time. It's working well for us. She'll usually go down without any tears if I time the nap right. Otherwise, she may do a bit of fussy crying for a couple of mins before falling asleep. If she does ever get very upset, I will pick her back up and settle before trying again.

You're right that it's a balance between what's right for your baby and what's right for you. You have to get some sleep to function as a parent, let alone with work too.

Good luck xx

@ASomers thank you, that’s really helpful. For the night wakings did you go into her initially? And has she dropped her night wakings down even though you sit with her to fall asleep?

We started sleep training at about 8 months. We bought the book 'teach your child to sleep' and followed the gradual retreat / gradual withdrawal method.

Whilst it was very successful it did take a while. We did have holidays and illnesses that slowed progress but eventually he was having 2 proper naps in his cot and sleeping 12 hours a night.

We sleep trained at 6.5 months and it saved my sanity. My daughter’s sleep was progressively getting worse and some nights she would wake up every 15 minutes. I was on my knees with exhaustion! We ended up using a sleep coach who helped us use the gradual retreat method - best money we spent on anything baby related. It was gentle, some tears but no leaving my daughter to cry and it worked quickly, my daughter’s sleep was transformed in less than two weeks for both naps and night sleep. And she’s still a great sleeper 20 months on! I know sleep coaches can be a bit controversial but ours was brilliant - she really worked to understand my daughter’s sleep issues, come up with a plan that suited her temperament / my needs and supported me through it all. Happy to share a recommendation if you want to PM me / answer any questions. Otherwise, I wish you loads of luck and hope you find a method that works for you and your little one. It can be done and shouldn’t make you feel guilty!

@Sleepevades

DC2 seems to have permanently ‘broken’ since 4 month sleep regression. We didn’t do any sleep training with DC1 and she remains a terrible sleeper to this day. I co-slept/attachment parented and my memory of maternity leave with her is a lot of anxiety about her sleep and me feeling almost psychotic with tiredness. When I returned to work I was off sick for the first few weeks as I came down with multiple bugs, likely as a result of being so run down. It was embarrassing and I didn’t feel safe to be doing my job - which has a high level of responsibility. I can’t repeat this. Please no one tell me to try co-sleeping or that sleep training is wrong. My marriage falling apart would be wrong and me ending up in court because of negligence at work would be wrong. I’m sorry to sound so defensive, but I’m very familiar with what the anti-sleep training arguments are and they’re very convincing, but it’s a balance and right now the a balance in our house is completely off.

Has anyone successfully sleep trained at 6 months? If so, how did you do it? And did it actually work? I breastfeed and he feeds 2-3 times a night but is up much more than that to be resettled by patting or cuddling to sleep. He’s quite big for his age and pre regression he had been sleeping 8 hour stretches, so I know he probably only actually needs one night feed. I would be so grateful to hear what did/didn’t work for anyone.

Thank you.

Yes. Left to cry in 5 min intervals adding on 5 min each time. After an hour he was asleep. Now sleeps 7-7 and naps for 3 hours a day.

First 3 days were tough but best thing I ever did.

Beware the neglect comments

I sleep trained both my DC; DD at 8 months in a gentle shush pat way and it worked great but she’d been an average sleeper. DS was an awful sleeper and at 6 months was waking every hour; I tried shush pat and it just ended that I had to do that every hour. In the end I did the Ferber method and although it didn’t stop him waking entirely it took him from every hour to about 2/3 times a night.
I did have to repeat it a while later when we got into bad habits after a cold and teething. He’s 15 months and still not a great sleeper but much better

@sleepevades yes, it was the same as when I initially put her down. I waited 2 mins, then 4 mins, then 6 mins etc... So shorter intervals than following ferber exactly. Did this for every waking. She went from waking every hour, to waking every 2 hours for a couple of nights and then waking 3 or 4 times and now she will wake once or twice in the night but sometimes sleeps through. It's made a huge difference. I think the main difference has been from night weaning (although she does still often have 1 feed in the night). Co sleeping just meant she needed to feed very frequently to settle back to sleep.

I sleep trained with controlled crying at 9 months old.

Before that I always fed to sleep because it worked. It stopped working at 9 months so I brought out the big guns.

It worked so well for me. Took 3-4 nights and they've both slept through since. We occasionally have a bad night but it's always when they are poorly so I can cope with that.

My sleeptraining days are behind me but when we did it (at 8-9 months) it changed our lives. My DD went from 2 45-minute naps on me in the day and 9 hours (interrupted) at night to long daytime naps and 12 hours at night. She was the biggest winner in all this she woke up rested and happy with energy for the day. It is not selfish to do this it benefits the child.

@FATEdestiny seems to know her stuff when it comes to sleep training. Maybe she can help.

We were totally desperate and in the end did cry it out. Ignore the fear-mongering you often see on this site: the results were immediate and long-lasting. Baby finally got a good night’s sleep and has never been happier.

@Sleepevades there are loads of ways you can sleep train at 6 months - they don't need to go straight to leaving your child alone to cry.

Don't suppose you've introduced a dummy? The single best no-crying independent sleep aid.

Thank you everyone. I’m having a depressing evening settling him, but reading these fills me with hope that we can get to a better place.

@FATEdestiny he does take a dummy, but generally only if he’s very drowsy or if he’s being held and we hold it in for him...rather defeating the point of a dummy. He certainly doesn’t keep it in once he’s properly asleep and it’s not something he searches for when he wakes, if that makes sense. I’m not sure how to make him more keen on it?

We’re on night three of controlled crying after three months of pretty awful sleep after advice on a post I recently did on here. My friend had also recommended starting with day naps first to set the tone for the night...we’ve had almost instant results although still not perfect. This method is so unnatural to me and it really took its toll emotionally on me the first day however, our little one is now self settling within minutes if not seconds without his dummy and in the night we’ve gone from about six wake ups a night to four the first night, then two on night two and last night was just the once. The first couple of nights I did hear him wake up but himself back to sleep whereas last night, the sleep was solid around the wake up. The wake up last night was a difficult one (he doesn’t want feeding in the night but struggles to settle around the 3am mark) so still just going with it and seeing how it goes but so far, more settled nights for all. I still don’t particularly like this method, I’d cuddle him all day and all night but unfortunately, this seemed to be creating reliance on me in the night to resettle and so a lot of disturbed nights!

@Sleepevades forgot to say, good luck if you’re going through with it. It takes a lot of emotional will power and you feel like an evil mum when you leave them and hear them crying. Hopefully you can start to see some quick results and it will spur you to continue as otherwise I imagine it easy to crack, I know I would. I’d also say that if you’re doing it, maybe don’t make any big plans for a few days just in case you or baby are really tired the day after. Mine usually naps wherever depending on what we’re doing (pram/car/on me/cot) so I’ve tried to keep his naps in the cot as well just whilst I’m trying to establish better sleeping

@Buttonsandbits thank you for sharing this. How are you getting on now? It sounds so emotionally tough and that’s what always made me hesitate with my daughter. Baby’s feeling under the weather at the minute but once I’m sure he’s recovered I’m going to have to tackle it. I’m on my 5th resettle this evening alone. Did you just put him down and then go in at intervals? And how long (dare I ask) did he take the first time? I’m just so scared to do it and it be more than half an hour and start getting doubts...but I know it will work

I did controlled crying at six months with my son who was waking every 45 minutes to 1.5 hours by that point having got steadily worse since 4 months. He went from swaddled with dummy to sleeping bag and no dummy that night. He cried for two hours from 10pm to midnight, when I fed him (I decided i would feed him once but I don’t recommend that as it is confusing for them) and cried an hour and a half from 4.30am to 6am when I fed him and we were up for the day. It was horrendous, I was going in and comforting him but it only made him more angry/distressed. From then on he slept through until 5am! For one horrendous night it was SO transformative for both of us - he was so much better rested and happier and I was no longer broken which was also extremely good for him. He also then went from sleeping short naps to going down easily for long ones in his cot. Around 12 months after teething while away with extended family for Christmas we had to do it again. That time I couldn’t bear to go through the trauma of CC again so I stayed in the room with him but didn’t pick him up or feed him. It took a lot longer, about a week, but totally worked again, and since then he’s slept 7ish to 7.30/8ish. I honestly don’t know anyone who’s done controlled crying properly for whom it hasn’t worked within a few days. Good luck x

Massively second what PP said, you really have to know you can get through it as if you crack then that is much worse for them ultimately as you are confusing them and putting them through crying for nothing - so choose a time when you are ready and you have support. I had my stepsister on hand who had done it twice to coach me through it and remind me that my son was fine, would not remember any of this etc, and that really really helped.

In terms of intervals I started with five minutes but then he got so much more upset when I went in that I started leaving it as long as I could bear it, so up to 20 minutes. I think it actually would have been better for him if I had just left him to cry it out but I couldn’t bear that.

Ferber 'Solve your child's sleep problems' on offer at the minute on Amazon. Could not recommend it enough, saved my sanity.
If you do buy it, take your time to read the whole book. The sleep training bit it's only a couple of pages but I found it great (understanding sleep patterns etc.)

Not a miracle, need to put the work in it (for us it worked after 1 night, I admit, we were incredibly lucky) but had to redo a couple times after periods of sickness or regressions.

Good luck 🤞

@Sleepevades I think you’re doing the right thing waiting until baby’s back to usual self as we are in a real muddle now re sleep and naps because of other factors. After my last reply we had the best night ever, he slept from 8-5 with a feed at 12.30 and then in our bed for another 2h30. The only problem was then, it really messed up his napping and feeding pattern as he was waking around 90 mins later than usual for the day and we couldn’t get his usual amount of milk in in the day (even tried dreamfeed) so he then needed it in the night which confused the whole crying business. Secondly we had unavoidable plans with family where we’ve been away for three nights, thrown this whole thing and don’t know if I have the energy to start again potentially from square one. So I would also recommend that you are able to have at least one week if not two of consistency to see it through. One more thing I would say is (and others who’ve used this method may probably disagree) is use your discretion when it comes to your baby. For us, over 30-40 minutes of crying was unhealthy for all of us and baby began to seem physically distressed (hot, sweaty, red eyes, cry getting more frantic and hoarse) so we capped it at 30 mins and said we would either pick him up and cuddle at that point or just stay beyond the recommended time you’re meant to in the room to completely comfort him. These nights away, I’ve gone back to just cuddling him to sleep or him falling asleep in the pram or with shushing him in a bed and I must say I’m less stressed than last week - don’t know what I’d prefer - calm baby or sleep at night...such a hard one!!

Hey there I just came across your response to the thread and noticed your little one was 6.5 months when you sleep trained- so is mine and I'm wondering had you fully weaned at this point I.e 3 full meals? And was it an expectation that baby would sleep well night with no feeds? Thanks so much for your support xxx

I wasn't the original poster @Mezzy1 but in case useful we sleep trained at this age. Baby was on two meals I think (was a while ago he is three now 😂). I gave him two breastfeeds and dropped one a few months later and the second around 12 months. After starting sleep training would keep him awake during the feed and then back in cot awake.

Awww @tulipsunday thank you for the reply! OK that really helps because u don't want to give up all feeds as I actually think ages hungry but couldn't understand the sleep training! OK great ill try and keep her awake during the feed :)

When we did sleep training at night we did a gradual increase in times between feeds. Ds1 was a nightmare and initially was waking every 1-2 hours! I made a decision that I would only feed him every 2 hours and then increased it by 15 minutes every 3 days. If he woke between those times I would rock him to sleep instead.