5 week old no sleep unless on parent

[KinderWild]

Hi - 5 week old. Has not slept at night lying on a surface ever. He is largely boobed to sleep, can't be rocked or shushed or patted - we have tried. And then held while he sleeps. Any attempt (and we've made loads) to put him down and he's awake and crying within 5 mins. Even if thats putting him next to me in bed. We are completely exhausted. I get around 2 hours sleep a night, sleeping in shifts with my husband. He gets more as he can't feed bub but also has to go to work, drive a car etc. Napping in the day = baby may sleep in the carrycot after a walk. I may be able to put him down once he's fallen asleep on me and he may stay asleep for 5 mins. That's in.

He had his tongue tie snipped last Thursday. Sleep was bad before but worse since. We have a 5 yr old also.

Any advice, help, sanity? I am on my knees.

Try wrapping him in a blanket (tight but dsnt have to be a swaddle) before putting him down, then when you do put him down put him bum first and keep a hand under his bum until head down and settled

We somehow limped through approx 6 weeks of this and then little one started feeding to sleep next to me in the bed. I then gradually move them inch by inch over a couple weeks until they were in the next-to-me. At first my head was also in the next to me.... it was a real process lol. But we got there. During the day - on really really bad days where I felt I just couldn’t carry on, I called a grandparent who took the little one out a walk between feeds and I passed out sleeping. The other life saver during that period was lie flat pram. Walking in the pram put little one to sleep and often (not always) would sleep once I stopped moving, so I would wheel the pram inside and again, crash out for an hour. Plus there was less chance of my falling asleep in charge of baby if I was actively walking outside. Are either of those an option for you?

Dummy and swaddle? The combo worked really well for us

It’s pretty normal in my experience although that doesn’t make it easier. Those first weeks are tough. It will get easier and you’ll probably find you can put him down for a while soon. Although having said that, my baby is 6 months and still can’t manage more than a 2 hr stretch on his own.

Read up in the fourth trimester. It’s tough going but when you understand what is going on with baby it makes it easier to accept.

I really do feel your pain and remember this like it was yesterday, though it was years ago now. We were literally setting alarms all through the night to take over from one another and doing 2 hour shifts in turn for the first 3 or 4 weeks until my other half went back to work.

Blanket wrap, white noise, slow music, daylight in daytime, dark quiet minimal stimulation at night helped us. (We also had to deal with colic/wind which was keeping her up screaming, so learning different burping methods and using Infacol and not lying flat until 20 mins after feed.). Holding baby asleep for 20 minutes until they go really heavy before putting down. Tracking sleep (we used Huckleberry app) we realised they were only sleeping 8 hours in 24 instead of the average 16-18, so made a huge effort to catch up on sleep anytime via any method (pram, contact naps, whatever) then she started sleeping easier once not overtired. Can a friend or family member push them out in the daytime while you nap to catch up too? Growing up will help soon too, stay with it!

God I remember this stage. Tbh I do-slept with Dd, and fed her to sleep lying down. I couldn’t cope with no sleep any longer.

Other things - swaddle and a dummy? Very loud white noise near the cot (louder than you think) rocking to sleep in the pram if it’s suitable for overnight sleeping.

Get a good sling!

FWIW this was fairly standard for both mine. Make sure you have snacks to hand and a thermos. Sit and watch tv for a few hours.

It sounds like silent reflux. It should improve once weaned onto solids but look at some ways to help, for example lifting one end of the cot up so the baby isn't laying flat.

Thank you all for replying and your suggestions. I love having these things to try, gives me hope!

I should also have said he likes to cluster feeds between 8 and midnight which leaves me tired.

I have read about the 4th trimester and I do get it. Usually it helps but I hit a bit of a wall this morning and knowing why wasn't cutting through the exhaustion.

It's hard the everything that seems to help baby - being held, being cocooned in a sleepyhead, being on a soft surface, is a risk and against the back to sleep/safe sleep guidelines which of course I want to follow but me not sleeping seems to be a risk to me and baby.
Thanks for the advice. I can't figure out swaddling so I have ordered a love to dream swaddle with the arms up.
He can't take a dummy (we've tried) and it's prob the tongue tie but now he's had it divided we can't use a dummy or bottle for 2 weeks. I agree a dummy may help. Can't wait. Thanks @kitkatsky for that technique I will definitely give it a go.
Thanks @GCNC the pram is a good shout.
@HappyAndDevoted thank you. I've installed the huckleberry app. @ostryga ininteresting re having the white noise loud. I will try it.
@carolcarolcarrot sling for the daytime or evening?
@zooxanthellae yes they've said silent relfux. Feeding (30 mins), keeping upright 30 mins and a 90 mins feed cycle leaves little time for much else. I probably need to accept that's just how it is for now.

My DS was a huge fan of the Lve To Dream swaddles!

I second the swaddles too. Feed in swaddle until asleep (try to get them into a deep sleep so 20/30 mins) then feet first into the next to me and slowly lie head down. We play white noise as DD goes into a proper sleep and it seems to help. Hope it gets better soon x