Worried I’ve rushed getting pregnant again

[PreggoInsomnia]

NC’ed for this as I feel guilty admitting how anxious I am

I have a 2.2 year old DD and am 15 weeks pregnant with my second. My DD is the light of my life - I absolutely adore her and being a mum to her, she’s wonderful. I had HG during my pregnancy with her but my DH and I knew we wanted two so started trying just before she turned two. Got pregnant on the first cycle of trying, which was a surprise as it took over a year and two miscarriages with my DD.

I’m really pleased to be pregnant but can’t stop worrying about the reality of having two. It’s keeping me up at night trying to wrap my head around how it will work. I can’t stop thinking about how impossible it seems - how do I feed (would want to breastfeed as I fed my DD until she was just gone two) a newborn and keep my toddler safe? How do I do naptime and bedtime with two of them? How will I manage the sleep deprivation with a toddler too? My DH works long hours and after the first month then it will mostly be me.

I want this baby but can’t help but think if we’d hung on a little longer that it would be easier with a bigger age gap. I’m 35 and with our previous history then we didn’t think time was on our side. Think I’m still a bit in shock, not helped by the fact that I’ve been really sick this time around again.

Not really sure why I’m writing this, other than some empathy and reassurance. Please be kind - I feel terrible for how worried I am about this. Any words of hope would be really appreciated, thank you.

I've got a slightly bigger age gap but it's fine - most of my friends have between 2-3 years between children and we're all coping!

I found there was loads of changes at about 2.5 and suddenly you've got a kid instead of a toddler! She potty trained, moved into a big bed, stopped using the buggy all the time, started to play independently, dropped the daily nap. By the time she was three she was entirely different.

I would say a sling is vital for the first few months and if your eldest is in childcare, I'd keep her there too. Mind goes twice a week and it's made it loads easier.

Hi OP. First of all congratulations on your pregnancy. Second, is you're overthinking this. Yes it's great to plan ahead, but you just need to know this.. it will work out. It just will. You've managed well with your first dd and I promise you, you'll manage this too. Yes you'll be busier, more tired etc.. but you'll get into a routine and you'll fly it. When you're feeding, give your dd an activity like colouring, put inherent favourite tv show etc etc. There's plenty of ways to keep her safe.
I had similar anxieties when I was pregnant the second time around. I have two boys ages 4 & 2 now. I had HG on both my pregnancies and it just took away from what should've been an exciting time. Sending you a hug x

Sorry that was put on her favourite tv show😂😂

Congratulations. There is 2 years between mine and it is slightly hectic but you'll be fine!

Special toys for toddler when feeding. Show them on a dolly get them involved. Let go of guilt putting the telly on with a bowl of snacks for the toddler while you feed baby!

Bedtime - get organised! Everything out in advance, towels nappies etc. Read with toddler while feeding baby. Settle toddler then go to finish putting baby down. Sometimes this gets loud but it does get easier! I never tell the toddler I have to leave her "to deal with your brother".

Buggy and buggy board and/or sling for baby.

Second babies very adaptable. My first didn't sleep in car and this one catches a snooze wherever! They fit it and around you all.

Also can you get some childcare for your DD? It's worth maintaining their routine and getting them some time out so they don't see all day every day how much attention the baby gets. But make sure she's settled there well before the birth so it's not like she's being booted out, just maintaining what always happened.

Seeing them together is lovely and so worth it. Don't get me wrong it's hard and the guilt trebles but I just try to think people have done this for millennia! You'll be fine. Good luck.

That a really good age gap. As someone said up thread, she seems like a toddler now but in a few months will be a proper child and be able to listen a bit more and pay attention. It will be a shock to the system and after a few weeks you won't know any difference.

It will be so much fun!

Your over thinking. You'll be fine. There's
1 year between my 2. Yes it's hard but you just get on with it. 💐 X

You will be fine. Routines will be your best friend.

I've never worried about how I will cope and I'm now expecting baby number 6 with other children being 15, 10, 9 & 6 (twins) and a military husband who spends a lot of time away. It can be exhausting but you find your feet and get through it, if you already have good routines younger ones slot in pretty easily.

27 months between mine. I love it. My eldest was old enough to understand and loves 'his baby'. We read books about having a new baby and so on together beforehand.

He did watch a lot of TV in the first few months while I was breastfeeding in the newborn phase. My partner also did all the bed time stuff and early mornings with him, while I looked after the baby at night. Divide and conquer.

Having two has honestly enriched our lives, and in some ways (entertaining each other) it is easier than just the one.

OP I remember feeling exactly like you - I looked at people with two small children and it looked just impossible; I could not work out how they did it and panicked every time I thought about it.

I bought books about having a second child and drove myself crazy overthinking the logistics of everything (and wept whilst reading ‘Siblings without Rivalry’ as I imagined all the ways I could mess my children up...)

This is the thing - it was fine. Mine were 21 months apart and I remember being in a playground when littlest was something like 2 months and realising I was ‘doing it’ and it was completely fine. In fact it was lovely. I loved having a baby and a toddler.

I had a four year gap between numbers 2 and 3 and that was harder for me - constantly feeling I was letting the big kids down because everything became about the baby.

Now they are all school aged and it is so lovely to have them all and I love that they have each other.

I had awful anxiety in all my pregnancies. I really sympathise with you. The sickness must be awful too.

But in all likelihood you will be absolutely fine.

(In practical terms my top tip for a second baby is to have enough bouncy chairs/car seats/travel cots around the house that you can put baby down safely whenever you need to)

Literally millions of women are doing the same. You'll be fine. It's shite but at least you'll get all the baby stuff over in one go. Keep going

We are about to have a 26 month age gap. I've had similar thoughts but I think that's normal. For our DS 2nd birthday we bought toys that I can play with whilst feeding and I have resigned myself to the fact that he probably will watch a bit of TV whilst I feed in the early days but I figure that can also be a time where I can give him a cuddle too. Mine is in daycare 4 days a week at the moment and we are keeping that up until about 6 weeks postnatal when I will drop him down to 3 days. He is a live wire and I think he will need that outlet for his energy. I plan to still take him to his activities when I've recovered from birth with the new one in a sling (hopefully they like being in a sling as I think they will live in there).

I'll have a 22 month old and a new born, so I can see where you're coming from.

We had a long ivf journey to conceive our DS, then somehow naturally 8 months after we fell pregnant and had a miscarriage.

We didn't initially plan to have more as we were so focused on getting pregnant in the first place. Once I'd miscarried we decided to try again naturally as we'd always been told DH had a 3% chance of getting me pregnant naturally so we figured that maybe our natural pregnancy was a fluke but there was no harm in trying again (both assumed if we got lucky again it'd take years)

5 months later I got another BFP and he's due in august

I'm terrified, I know it'll be hard but I can't wait for their relationship and family activities and having them so close in age hopefully will be a positive experience in the long run.

Plus all my sleepless nights will be hopefully over and done with soon haha

Your daughter is the perfect age for a sibling, she's old enough to start to understand boundaries about being kind to baby, and young enough to only ever know life with a sibling. There's only 16m between my DC and it was a bloody hard slog having 2 under 18m!

Congratulations! Enjoy a few mornings with the baby all to yourself while DD is at preschool. Don’t stress any more about nap times with a little baby - my second napped when needed when we were out and about - in sling, in car seat, in buggy. You can’t be as rigid to routine as with your first, but the second one just comes along for the ride and seems all the better for it. Yes there is knackeredness, and guilt about dividing your attention between them, but there’s also lots of joy to be had! Bedtimes I can’t advise on, since DH home, but I’m sure lots of other Mumsnetters will be straight on to give you great tips. Good luck, and go easy on yourself x

Thanks very much to everyone for their kind and reassuring words, especially to those who have been through the same anxieties. It definitely helps to know I’m not the only one feeling like this / who has felt like this! I’m not usually an over thinker so this amount of worry has taken me by surprise, trying to take it one day at a time but the sickness isn’t really helping with that. I have pretty severe pregnancy insomnia too, which is giving me more time to think and worry. I know, logically, that we will make it work but I can’t stop thinking about how to get it all to work. So, all the practical tips are really appreciated too - thank you!

@AhaShakeHeartbreak12 @stopchewingeverything @Chelyanne Good luck with your new arrivals, wishing you all the best.

I had this; my DD was 2 years 10 months when DS was born. I had imagined a bigger gap as I didn’t imagine I’d get get pregnant in the first month of trying. It was fine though; the first few weeks were a bit chaotic and sometimes I was just happy if we all got to the end of the day fed and safe but we found a routine and I love having 2.

There are 2 years and 2 days between my 2 kids and I think it's a perfect age gap. DD loved 'helping' when DS was a baby, then as he got older he became the perfect playmate. They're now 7 and 9 and yes they argue at times, but really they're the best of friends.