At my wits end with miserable 10 month old

[0ut0fC0ntr0l]

Name changed as I can’t face any judgement.

I’m at my wits end. I’ve just had to walk out of the house (only into my front garden) and leave my 10.5 month old DS screaming in his cot because I felt completely out of control. He’s safe. He’s in his sleeping bag and he can’t climb anyway. I’ve got the camera so I can see and hear him. But I am just so done. Every since he was born all he has does is fuss, cry and scream. He’s never, ever happy.

I’ve breastfed him on demand throughout. He’s been held and comforted more than any baby I know. He cosleeps at night with me or his dad. We’ve given that boy so much. Which I wouldn’t have minded at all if it had made a blind bit of difference, but instead I just feel completely broken. My husband is amazing but we are more like soldiers in a battle at the moment instead of a couple. DS and I are dairy, soya and egg free, he’s been on and off omeprazole...nothing has made a difference. I genuinely think this is just him.

I’m not even sure what the point of this post is as I know nobody can tell me if and when it will get better. I just needed to write this down as I feel I’m going mad. My small antenatal group are all blessed with easy going babies and I’m pretty certain all bar one girl think I’m just a terrible mother.

Oh honey it’s so hard.

Is he teething or unwell? Give him some nurofen and anbesol liquid, make yourself a hot drink and put him in front of ceebies.

Do you think you have found all his allergies? Does he have reflux or silent reflux. What does his paediatric dietitian or paediatrian say? They are not always helpful if he is gaining weight. There is a great CMPA Facebook group which is really helpful.

Ring the GP and discuss how you feel. Xx

Just to add. I was similar to you with my first and now she is a pretty easy child.

I'm so sorry you're feeling so broken. Firstly you're doing a great job- he is safe, loved and looked after and he will know that. All babies are completely different and if you've exhausted all the enquiries around pain and discomfort then he may just be a very high needs baby who isn't entirely grateful yet for all the hard work you put into parenting him :)

My little girl is 18 months and has been pretty 'full on' since about 3.5 months. I believe it's frustration with her as we have had much calmer periods after crawling and then after walking. She always wants to do more than she is able to and has a little period of being content after mastering a new skill but then becomes frustrated because she wants to do the next thing. Right now it's huge amounts of frustration over not being able to fully communicate her wishes and big tantrums when we don't immediately understand her demands. It's exhausting and like you it sometimes feels like she is just never ever happy.

Are there any activities which he does enjoy? Trips out in the buggy/car? Messy play? Stories? TV? Try to break up the day if possible with these moments of calm to keep your sanity as much as you can.

How are things now? Definitely try the baby neurofen, he might have a tooth coming through. That stuff is magic! It will get better but that's little help now, isn't it. Just try to get through it one hour at a time.

I remember driving to the supermarket and buying every baby product / medicine possible. I would have spent any money to make my little one sleep and be happier.

It’s rough, have you spoken to anyone about counselling? Not saying you have depression but honestly the techniques they gave me where a life saver. If you have tried everything then baby isn’t going to change but you can try to change your mindset you cope better mentally. It really helps build that mental resilience.

Sending a virtual hug x

Thank you all for your messages. Gonna have a proper read of them all now. Just realised I might have looked borderline dangerous in that last message - just wanted to say I’m okay. My husband is coming home from work and my MIL is coming over (she’s a gem, lives 2h away). He eventually screamed himself to sleep (not proud of this) and I just breathed outside and my head is a bit more clear now.

You don’t sound dangerous at all. You sound exhausted and in need of some tlc. The hardest thing I’ve found as a mother is to remember you are the key to family life and you need to be yours own mother too and make sure you are looked after.

Have a nap or a cuppa and watch shitty TV.

I have been there. All I can say is for me, from about 10 months, it got easier every day. Just get through each day. Hang in there. I once had close family member do a double take when DS was asleep in his pushchair and they said "wow, he looks like a different baby." I knew what they meant. It was the only time he didn't look totally pissed of with the world!

That boy is now 8 and he brings so much pure joy. He is hilarious and often the life and soul of the room. You would never, ever put his baby self together with his current self. They are a million miles away from being remotely similar.

He also had reflux but also a very low pain threshold I think. Not sure if that could totally explain his angry first year but it definitely contributed.

hang in there. Your attitude is amazing. You are a hero mum. No one will ever know how hard this is for you but your baby will know you are the best mum in the world.

Oh @0ut0fC0ntr0l it it so hard when they are like this...would you be able/willing to try cranial osteopathy to see if that helps? It really helped my DS who went through similar phases (not all the time like you've had ) as he was very squashed after a long back-to-back birth and obviously very uncomfortable - we just didn't realise and he couldn't tell us!

I'm no cool hippy mum, it seemed a very long shot at first but I was willing to try anything by that point, and I have to say it worked like a charm, DS was immediately, visibly more relaxed and much happier, and his sleep went from thrashing about and teeth grinding to peaceful and restful from the very first night.

Not all osteopaths work with children, but the ones that do have had special training, cranial osteopathy is very, very gentle, nothing like the crunching you hear stories about. After the first visit we went three or four more times, and DS loved it so much that he often asks if he can go again...even though in his words "nothing happens" he says it makes him feel much better!

Best of luck x

I think some babies just hate being babies and are better when they can control their own lives a bit (eg can crawl where they want etc).

Really though I wanted to say that I'm so in awe of you mums who have had babies during Covid and if anyone should be kind to themselves about whatever they have to do to get by, like leaving a baby to cry a bit, it is you lot.

We also went to cranial osteopath. Not sure if it helped or not but DS vommed all over him (reflux) so if it didn't help, we got our own back.

'When you're going through hell, keep going".

Agree with above poster that some babies just hate being babies.They can't communicate the discomfort they're in, especially reflux babies so it can often end up as non stop misery.

You did the right thing putting him in the cot and walking away, a bit of screaming on his own won't harm him. I don't know a single human that enjoys the sound of a non stop crier.

I honestly believe time is the only answer.....he will outgrow it just hang in there mama.

Thanks all again - you are all super kind. I’m okay now. Never had anything like that happen before. This morning has been particularly tricky (husband out early and DS had pretty much cried or fussed since 6:30) and the whole room just went black around me and all I could hear was the crying. Felt really unsafe.

Re allergies/reflux. I do think he is a little refluxy. He certainly posseted (is that a word?) a lot as a newborn and is prone to occasional indigestion now, which make him occasionally scream out and then hiccup. Tbh though id say overall he is marginally better since weaning (eating is about the one thing he loves!) and really, apart from being permanently pissed off there are no other symptoms. We had a big dairy slip recently and there was no difference, so I’m not even sure there is anything in it. My GP was amazing and could see I was at breaking point when DS was ~3 months so suggested it with omeprazole. We will try the ladders soon so we will know for sure at least.

Re: cranial oseteopathy. We did actually try this when he was a newborn. It did help him sleep for about 24 or 48h after each session but didn’t really ‘stick’ so we stopped as it was quite expensive. Definitely could be something to try again though.

I think loads of you have hit the nail on the head about hating being a baby. He’s completely immobile (only learnt how to sit up properly about 1 month ago) and he is nowhere near crawling or walking which I think really annoys him. He screams and screams when he tries to move but can’t. As my one NCT pal pointed out, everything that provokes normal fuss in other babies causes my DS to scream like he is being murdered. Going in the high chair/car seat/having his nappy changed/getting dressed/being put down/being picked up. I think that’s why it feels so relentless. I’m making myself go to classes and baby groups to stay sane, but it’s just painful that I am the one with a baby who sounds like he is being tortured 24/7. It’s comforting to know this may not be a forever thing - despite all this I adore him and just want to enjoy being his mum too x

@0ut0fC0ntr0l
How is your little one now?

Hey @ttrrii

Oh goodness reading this thread back is giving me heart ache. I’m not sure if you are asking because you are in a similar situation? I hope you aren’t but if you are all the for you, because unsettled babies are horrendous.

It’s better. It really is. He’s still a tricky baby - still very sensitive and cries incredibly easily. And goodness the separation anxiety we’ve had since he turned ~1 year old has been intense. I think I carry him around just as much now as I did when he was a newborn. He screams like he’s being murdered if I try and leave the room without his permission or god forbid put him in the pushchair 🙈 But we have so many happy moments now too: the permanent background whining and fussing is pretty much gone. At about 12 months, completely out of the blue, he pulled up on an chair and started cruising around and his mood lifted. He then started standing independently and his mood lifted again. He’s close to walking and he looks so thrilled with himself whenever he tries, it makes my heart hurt! After a truly awful 12 month sleep regression, his sleep suddenly got so much better and we managed to transition him into his cot which also made a big difference too. I also went back to work part time when he was 13 months old which helped my mental health massively.

I’m certain there is nothing medically wrong with him. Sadly, some people are just given difficult babies. Hang in there if that’s the case with you x

@0ut0fC0ntr0l
Yep, i’m in a similar situation. Little one (10 months ole) cries and fusses all the time. He still cant sit or crawl (commando crawling only), so i think that maybe bothers him aswell😑 When did your child started crawling? I also have 2,5 year old daughter with me at home all the time, so my head is about to explode.
He also has separation axciety already, he only wants to be held by me, even not his father. I cant leave the room or go too far - he just cries his eyes out. I also find very difficult to calm him. He only relaxes when i breastfeed him🤷‍♀️.

@ttrrii I feel for you. I literally don’t know how I would have coped if DS hadn’t been my first. You have my upmost sympathy.

He has never crawled or bum shuffled. I’m not exaggerating when I say he was completely immobile until ~ 13 months old. He’s as close to crawling as a 6 month old. If he tips forward from sitting he just lands on his face. If he’s on his tummy, he can push up on his hands but has absolutely no idea what to do with his legs. I’m also being a bit disingenuous saying he’s close to walking - if you stand him upright against something he can cruise and stand and take a step or two. But the second he falls onto his bottom, that’s it. He’s so far off being able to get himself up, he’s not really close to truly ‘walking’.

DH and I have already decided that, if he is still the same in ~ 6 weeks (16 months), we’ll try and get him seen by a private paediatrician or physio. I suspect he’s just really, really slow. But it would be good to rule out anything serious.

Mine was the same with breastfeeding. Thank goodness the only thing he still loves is eating, and when he ‘got’ eating at about 10 months, he slowly yet surely lost interest with breastfeeding. He still can’t stand being held by his dad though if I’m around, I’m afraid x

When my first DC was a baby she was so good I thought I was a natural. She was happy and contented and my little chum, and I smugly thought I'd taken to motherhood like a duck to water. 6 years later I had DC2 and my god I didn't have a clue what I was doing wrong! If she was awake she was crying. She was unhappy and angry pretty much all the time, and so jealous of her older sister. Every waking moment was a fight. I felt just like you OP. I would sometimes leave her safe in her cot and go out into the garden just to clear my head of the crying. I loved her so much but I didn't like her. I think others are right when they say some babies are frustrated that they can't move/communicate independently - mine certainly was like that, you could see the frustration in her face.

Anyway, that was 24 years ago and we all got through it! Funnily enough I was recounting to a friend earlier today how my DD has never had a haircut (as a child she point blank refused and has never bothered as an adult), and how I had to sign a disclaimer at Clarks when she was little because they couldn't fit her shoes properly due to her epic meltdown in the shop. Happy days!

She's an awesome adult though and we're really close now, so as another poster said "when you're going through hell, keep going".

Have found this thread as I’m going through a similar thing - DS was a dream (as far as I can remember which actually isn’t much!) as a newborn, then hit 4 months and became a nightmare. He’s now 10 mo and he such hard work. He’s SO easy to cry, cries so frequently and loudly - none of this grizzling or whining business. He’s unsettled, fussy and angry. The only thing he loves is food (I could have written your post OP)

I find it so embarrassing when out with friends or other mums. No other baby is like this (that I experienced, anyway). It’s making me avoid meeting people or doing classes etc. Swimming is a NIGHTMARE with him. Fine in the pool but the changing room afterwards is hell. And as always, everyone else’s placid children just lie there while they’re being changed.

I’m really struggling. Guess I just wanted to vent that.

Hello, know this is a bit of an old thread but currently going through something like this with my 10 month old DS. Think I have been on threads like this at 7, 8, 9 and now 10 months desperately searching for answers! It makes me feel better to know I’m not alone and those of you who posted a while ago say things do get a little easier. I think my DS is really struggling with teething, has a lot of separation anxiety and is very frustrated as he’s not on the move yet. He also doesn’t sleep and not great at eating either. Really relate to what others say about not wanting to go anywhere with him, it’s just so hard! Couple this with my non eating (otherwise delightful) almost 3 year old and I can’t wait to go back to work after Xmas for a few days of peace!

I have tried to explore whether there’s an underlying reason for why he’s like this, out of desperation really, but my GP said there was no sign of allergy, CMPA etc which I was wondering about. He does hate being sat down and on his tummy so I do wonder if he’s uncomfortable. But I know it’s more likely to just be his grumpy personality! By the way I love him to pieces and he’s the smilest loveliest boy… but only when he’s being cuddled all the time!

Old thread but here to say this really helped me..

No one wants to admit that it’s tough and draining when their babies whinges all day, I’ve sat here crying feeling alone in my feelings and this is the first thread I’ve seen I felt I could relate too.

Thank you for the kind comments, being a mumma is not for the faint hearted!

I hear you @BySunnyWriter it's really tough. I commented on this thread when DS was 8 and he is now 12! What a lovely thread this was. Nothing but support. No judgement, just solidarity from a select group united in their allocation of a "difficult baby......"

I wish I could go back to myself as a mum to that baby and say "you are the luckiest mum alive!!!"
Not sure if those difficult times make you more grateful in the end but I love my life now.

@BySunnyWriter I’ve only just seen this message and wow this thread takes me back- just wanted to say I KNOW what you are going through, it’s the pits. But I am now here with the world’s most gorgeous, funny, joyful, creative (and yes, sometimes sensitive and over reactive 🤪) nearly-4 year old, and it’s lush. All this is to say: hang on in there. There is light at the end of the tunnel 🩷

Hey, just wanted to say this post has given me a little hope. I also have a miserable baby, who is breastfed, has eczema and several sensitivities. He's 9 months now. My first was so easy. Also how is your little one now?

This post has given me so much hope. I have a very unsettled 9 month old who has been this way since she was born. She’s my second and I know you can’t compare but nothing like my first in anyway. She has me questioning everything. I really worry that there’s something wrong medically but she’s under the paediatrician and nothing that she’s been prescribed for silent reflux/cmpa has helped. In fact they have just made things worse. She can sit with cushions around her but she’s not close to crawling and she’s so small. Still in 3-6 months clothes. I really am just living day by day at the moment. I’m desperate to see her thrive but this feels like it will never end. But it’s nice to read everyone’s stories of their babies becoming more settled and that there was nothing medically wrong. Hoping this for my DD! Thank you