Is my 3 year old a fussy eater or not?

[GoldBar]

My 3yo is a bit picky when it comes to food and I think it's partly my fault since I hate cooking and am a very uninspired cook. We tend to eat the same things on rotation! I remember being the same as a child and I eat practically anything now. So I can't decide whether to worry or not about, especially as I don't think their overall diet is too bad. But it lacks varity and is unadventurous.

They will eat:

• Some fruits - apples, oranges, pears, grapes, strawberries, raspberries, bananas, watermelon. I got them to try melon the other day and they liked it. But they won't go near anything more interesting like peaches, plums, mangos and things like that.
• Some veggies - mainly broccoli, peas, carrots, sweetcorn and sweet potato. But they won't really try any other veggies like asparagus, celery, green beans. They won't eat lettuce or salad at all. They won't touch mushrooms or tomatoes.
• Chicken and fish. They don't really like any other meat, although maybe that's my fault since we don't cook it that often. They tried a little bit of lamb but won't eat pork or beef. So no steak or pork chops or anything like that. They will eat mince in chilli and bolognese, but that's all. They're not all that keen on chicken, to be honest, but they'll eat it.

In terms of actual dinners, they will eat fishcakes, fish fingers, oven-cooked fish (mostly salmon) and vegetables, roast chicken, chilli con carne with rice, bolognese on pasta (but not spaghetti), sausages with sweet potato mash, pizza, scrambled eggs (but not omelette) and baked beans on toast.

They won't touch pasta dishes with sauces (except pasta with chilli). They hate pasta in a plain white sauce, for example. They don't like carbonara. They don't like meatballs with spaghetti, fajitas or any wraps, lasagna, soup, burgers, toad in the hole, stews, pies, pasta bake, curry, beef in black bean sauce, fish with cheese sauce. These are all things that we have tried to give them which have been rejected!

Their ideal dinner would probably be carrot sticks with peanut butter toast.

It's not an awful list and we don't overdo it on the sugary snacks. Also, they're always getting at least five a day in terms of fruit and vegetables. But they're quite restricted in what they will eat and lots of popular 'kiddie favourites' get rejected for what seems to me to be absolutely no reason. Other children around us seem to eat a wider range of food. Our friends' kids love a good stew, for example, whereas my DC wouldn't even touch it.

What do other people's children eat? How do you get them to give new things a go?

Mine hasn't eaten a vegetable in over 2 years. She's a vegetarian.

I'd say yours was doing alright by these standards.

It sounds fine, as long as there's something from each food group going in I really wouldn't worry. I'd have new foods available but not push them to try.

Sounds pretty similar to my recently turned 4 year old; my DD doesn’t like dinners that look a bit sloppy or all combined so lasagne, shepherds pie, pasta bake, casseroles etc is very difficult with her even though I think she likes the taste. She’ll eat meat meatballs and pasta but not with the sauce on it. I often put the sauce on the side with things to try and encourage her to try it.
She has hot meals at nursery and that helps with eating more of a range of foods and at least trying them.

I wouldn't get too fixated on thinking they like or don't like something. I like steak, but I don't always fancy it - you have to allow some room for the idea that your child just wasn't that hungry or just didn't fancy x,y, z when you introduced it. Just keep serving what you enjoy eating and cooking and don't take rejection as a lifelong statement of disliking something.

I know children sometimes say they don't like something but (a) since we say, "would you like. .." meaning 'do you want some now' when offering food, what "like" means to the child isn't really clear in this context, and (b) often parents will only give up badgering a child to eat something that they aren't hungry for when they say "I don't like it". So your child saying "I don't like..." is probably not the definite statement we sometimes think it is.

Unless your child has an underlying issue, they are naturally designed to eat what they need in quantities that are good for them. And in my personal experience, "fussiness" is a dynamic, nit the behaviour of the child on their own. What I mean is that parents badger and fuss and worry at a child who hasn't eaten somwthing the parents think they ought to. If the child was left to feed themselves what they liked from their plate without all this fussing, I bet wed see a lot less anxious behaviours around food/ new foods from children - those behaviours that lead to the child being labelled fussy.

my DD doesn’t like dinners that look a bit sloppy or all combined so lasagne, shepherds pie, pasta bake, casseroles etc is very difficult with her even though I think she likes the taste

Yup, this is what my DC is like. They'll eat chilli, but I've been making that regularly since they were a baby which is why I think it must partly be my fault for not cooking a wider range of food from early on .

@Getawriggleon. Mine hasn't eaten a vegetable in over 2 years. She's a vegetarian.

What does she eat, if you don't mind me asking?

Their diet sounds pretty good to me.
My now 14yo still dislikes sloppy or mixed up food.
Try meals in a more deconstructed state. Mine will eat items seperately that she doesn't like if you put together - like a sandwich, she'd prefer to eat a plain bagel with cheese on the side.
I'd say mostly feed the things they like and introduce new things every now and again. Involve them with cooking and don't make a comment if they don't like something.
Don't label them fussy. It's perfectly normal behaviour.

My 3 year old used to try anything but she’s gone really unadventurous and we probably now eat fewer meals than you’ve listed. She still eats practically everything at nursery so I’m not stressed about it, hoping it’s just a phase. Little weirdo doesn’t even like pizza.

My 4 yo is a bit fussy. I try to make meals with at least one thing she'll eat then optional extras. So I wouldn't try a carbonara, for example.

You can give various meats when you don't need to say what they are eg burgers or meatballs can be made from different types of mince and even a little grated veg sneaked in.

Veg based cakes like carrot cake and chocolate courgette cake.

Give things in sauce in a separate bowl so they don't touch other things.

Always veg on the plate, even if you think she won't eat them. I want DD to think a plate looks wrong without veg.

I wouldn't worry but I wouldn't give up either. I find DD will eat a wider range when in a picnic or at nursery or someone else's house, home is her most risk averse place!

Thank you for these suggestions!

We've been really busy the past couple of years and I've been working lots of extra hours while trying to care for my LO at home so food's been sort of an afterthought. I've 'done my duty', as it were, by slinging something that's fairly healthy on the table but there hasn't been a lot of love involved. So that's where my guilt comes from. I don't really enjoy food and would happily just eat some cheese and carrot sticks every night to keep me going so I didn't have to cook if it wasn't for my DC.

They all have fussy phases, the younger they are the worse it is.
Our eldest was very picky when young and used to hide, bin food and even flush it down the toilet sometimes. As she's got older she has wanted to try new things. We have 1 very fussy 6 year old (a twin) who will leave lots of things, even school have come to me and said she's been binning school meals (which she has requested at the start of day). There are certain meals she absolutely loves but some she's just not keen on at all so I have to tell her I want X amount eaten before she gets a pudding. Having 5 kids I only do 1 meal and they have to lump it, eldest moans about fajita night atm but still eats it all.
One doesn't like peppers but I just cut them up so finely in to sauces she doesn't notice them lol.

[quote GoldBar]**@Getawriggleon. Mine hasn't eaten a vegetable in over 2 years. She's a vegetarian.

What does she eat, if you don't mind me asking?[/quote]
All fruit except kiwi, tomatoes, pasta, cheese, more pasta, potatoes, bread. She loves gnocchi and will happily demolish a plate of kidney beans but would leave the rest of a chilli. Will eat a bit of fish occasionally (so is pescetarian rather than vegetarian to correct my earlier comment). I do hide vegetables and lentils/beans/chickpeas in sauces so she is getting some level of nutrition.

I'm led to believe she eats everything at nursery though!

@Getawriggleon. I think my DC is a better eater at nursery (though they still won't touch soup!) since they're hungry and there's no choice over what to eat.

We haven't tried gnocchi - we'll give that one a go. My DC will eat bread but doesn't particularly like it. They love kidney beans but only in chilli. Because they don't like sauces (chilli is the exception), I have limited opportunity to hide vegetables.

Mealtimes are a low point here. My OH works almost every evening out of the home so it's me doing all the dinners for DC and myself. I suffer from a complete lack of motivation to try new things since it's just me and DC and they won't eat anything new.

They’re only 3 you have time to turn it around. My 3 yr old eats everything - I appreciate I’m fortunate and a lot of that is luck/ greedy genes. A work colleague once told me though if your child says they don’t like something at such a young age still make it don’t eliminate it- that seems to work. I do occasionally call salmon, chicken just for ease.
Most meal times start with “I don’t like this” and I respond with “yes you do” and change the subject.
You need to start embracing food and cooking OP, get your little one involved too

Keep trying. KIds need to have tried things loads of times before they realise they might like it.

Some meals they might not be that hungry.
Some meals they might just not fancy something.

Give them what they like with perhaps the addition of a new veg. Don't make a fuss about it. Just keep putting it there. Praise if they do try it.

I agree about deconstructing meals - lots of little ones seem to like to see what they are actually eating rather than hiding everything in a sauce.

And yes to telling them something is something they do like, even if it isn't!!

I really wouldn't worry about too much variety as long as they're ticking off the food groups and are a healthy weight. My DD and her DSS were both quite restricted in their palates as children but are trying new foods at their own pace as they get older.
Food is one of the few things that kids can control in terms of eating it or not! Don't turn it into a battle and close your ears to smug parents whose kids eat everything. It's not a reflection on you if your kids don't eat everything you offer them.