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Parenting

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Original poster

My teenager spends all her time in her room!

26 replies

KarenOkefe · 25/05/2021 21:08

I feel like I am drifting away from my beloved daughter, she barely talks to me anymore! She spends all her time locked in her room on that phone of hers it's an age old story. Any advice on getting her to come out of that man cave of hers and spend some good time with the family, I do love her dearly!

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Iknowtheanswer · 25/05/2021 21:10

So you eat meals together? I find that dinner, and giving lifts on the car are the best times to chat and catch up.

Original poster

KarenOkefe · 25/05/2021 21:16

Thank you, we love a good old family dinner. that's a blessing, one of the only things she'll come down for! Unfortunately we dont drive though

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StyleAndLasers · 25/05/2021 21:17

My mum says I spent all my time in my room as a teenager. I don't remember doing it on purpose, and I don't actually remember spending ALL my time in my room, but I was probably there a lot, reading, writing, drawing, listening to music no internet then! I think its pretty normal. Also we had a relatively small house with one living room and five people so it was just a way of getting space.
My 13 year old son is spending a lot more time in his room, but as we have the TV and the Xbox downstairs he does have to be downstairs quite often - did that on purpose. Also after some concerns as to what he was doing on his phone he isn't allowed his phone in his room after a certain time and I'm thinking of not letting him have it in his room at all. I have found watching TV is a good bonding thing, it used to be playing board games but he is not so interested in that now. We are watching IT Crowd, Ghosts and Taskmaster.

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Original poster

KarenOkefe · 25/05/2021 21:21

Yes, I have a screen time limit on my daughters phone so that she cant access anything on it past 10:30 pm, watching tv together sounds like a great thing! I'm sure I can think of some great old shows to show her if I get her to join us, thanks for the advice.

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Gottalovesummer · 25/05/2021 21:25

We have 2 teens and only 1 telly in the living room.

So any telly watching is as a family.

We've watched some great stuff with them as they've got older, and it definitely gets them out of their rooms for a bit!

Original poster

KarenOkefe · 25/05/2021 21:33

Yes we only have one tv in the living room aswell however my daughter isnt often interested in telly, much more interested in "tick tock" an app on her phone, have gotten her to come down for a film every now and agian However it isnt an often occurrence

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wearetheweirdosmr · 25/05/2021 21:46

Our screen time is 8pm and both our teens are out of their rooms pestering us at 8:01.

I like to pop in and annoy them from time to time - knocking and singing do you want to build a snowman.

We have always and will always, eat dinner together and we recently discovered a hobby we can do together that is actually 'cool'.

UhtredRagnarson · 25/05/2021 21:53

Mine too!

I did too as a teen, as did my sister. I think their rooms are just where they’re most comfortable, they can game, chat with friends without anyone hanging over their shoulder.

We only have one tv in the living room but my DC are not interested in TV.

I insist on all meals being eaten at the table but 15yo eats in silence. I try and chat but there’s no return from him. He says he’s just not naturally chatty (I can hear him right now chatting to his friend online)

We used to have family movie night at the weekends but they’re both not interested anymore.

The only time they ever spend any time downstairs is when they are grounded and have no phones/laptops.

Original poster

KarenOkefe · 25/05/2021 21:57

Indeed, maybe i stead of getting her to come downstairs I can come up to her and pester her her phone locks her out at 10:30 which is quite late I'm aware, however it would be hard for us to make it earlier now, maybe I can try to catch her on it sometime then change it, otherwise we always have dinner together which is one positive, looking for a hobby to do together is an amazing idea! I'll look into it thanks a million

OP posts:

Original poster

KarenOkefe · 25/05/2021 22:00

Similar here, my daughter dosent enjoy tv much either,much more interested in her phone, dinner time is some of the only time we spend together sadly unless I spoil her with going out somewhere, I had another suggestion to find a hobby for the whole family that we can enjoy together it sounds like a great idea!

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UhtredRagnarson · 25/05/2021 22:02

Does she like baking OP? My younger son will bake with me. I hate it but I pretend it’s fun as it gets him spending time with me and he enjoys it.

Original poster

KarenOkefe · 25/05/2021 22:07

Ahh, I wish, her main hobby is tennis but she hasn't been doing it as much recently, it's a shame, I'm looking for a hobby or activity for all of us to do together,maybe I can see if she'll give baking a go!

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Scarby9 · 25/05/2021 22:08

Apparently my dad worried aboit me in the 1970s as I spent far too much time in my room. I remember writing long letters to friends and happily listening to records. Clearly the 20th century equivalent of social media and phone addiction.
But I also remember spending loads of time with my family and wasn't deliberately distancing myself from my family.
Keep up the family meals and maybe suggest an outing or two.

Whyisitsodifficult · 25/05/2021 22:11

I don’t allow my teen to have his phone in his room, could you try that!?

Original poster

KarenOkefe · 25/05/2021 22:15

Yes, weve managed to maintain the family dinner and go out to town every few weeks or so, I feel like all that screen is getting bad for her though

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Original poster

KarenOkefe · 25/05/2021 22:17

I feel like that would be too big of a step for us, she deffinately wouldnt react to it well, we have a screen time that locks her out at 10:30 atleast so she cant be on her phone all night too

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Spidey66 · 25/05/2021 22:34

Not a parent but I was the same in my teens. No internet back then, used to read, listen to radio, do homework. Used to come out for meals and telly, didn't have one in my room.

As long as she's coming out for meals etc, i think its ok, she may just like her own company.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 25/05/2021 23:20

Are you a relatively active family? Indoor climbing is often popular with teens and it's a great de-stresser from work and school. You have to concentrate on the climbing and the route that's mapped out, so it really gets you out of your head. You can also climb at low levels (bouldering) a foot or two off the floor so if you haven't a head for heights don't worry about it.
I used to go after work one night a week with DH and my kids are preteens so hoping to start over the school holidays. Most centres will do a two day course over a weekend or a few weeks to teach you to climb safely and the basic techniques.

Vodkaandballoon · 25/05/2021 23:24

Mine is the same. I sometimes coax them out by making an evening trip to Starbucks or down to the shops for a snack run & they will usually come with me. It's probably the time we chat the most. I realise it's bribery but I'll take what I can get.

Original poster

KarenOkefe · 26/05/2021 10:11

I agree maybe I'm being a bit too harsh teenagers will be teenagers after all she comes down for dinner I just feel as if I'm losing her to the grasps of adulthood

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Moonface123 · 26/05/2021 10:24

I think it's really important at this stage of their lives to just leave them be. Most are stuck in school all day long, surrounded by others, doing things they don't really want to do. It's a way of recharging and relaxing. Teenagers are not all that interested in spending alot of time with parents, they are transitioning between childhood and adulthood. My son spends quite a lot of time in his room, l would rather that than he be out doing stuff he shouldn't be doing. Some days he's more chatty than others, he knows l am here for him , that he's very important to me and my family, and welcome to.join us whenever. I allow him his space, and he seems a lot better for it.

Moonface123 · 26/05/2021 10:28

I have an older son of 19 who was the same, yet now is very sociable , outgoing and spends zero time in his room. It's just a temporary stage.

Original poster

KarenOkefe · 26/05/2021 13:16

Sounds fun! Maybe I should spoil her more often

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wearetheweirdosmr · 26/05/2021 19:03

We used lockdown to bring the screen time limit in.
We had a grown up discussion about how spending all day online learning and then all evening on screens wasn't best and that 11hrs with a screen is a bit excessive.
They agreed thankfully. They do want more time weekends and holidays but as we drag them out it isn't so bad.

Family hobby ideas
Climbing- really good fun for everyone
Paddle boarding- very trendy right now
Baking- we make fondant flowers and other fancy cakes, my 13yr old loves the realisation that there doesn't have to be an occasion to make a cake.
Geocaching- bit hit and miss but makes a walk more exciting.
Archery.

Chelyanne · 26/05/2021 19:30

It's pretty standard for a teen unfortunately.
My 15 year old will sometimes chew my ear off with all the stuff going on in her life. Other times she just enjoys insulting me, I just tell her I love her too lol.

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