Feeling guilty about not going to many baby grouos

[Pivotthesofa]

DS is 17 months so spent a good portion of his life at home in lockdown with baby groups etc closed
His speech is just starting but probably a little behind where he should be. He’s pointing and jabbering and engaged and loves putting shapes in his sorter, making “tea” with his teaset etc and is a good Walker.

We go to the park a lot and round the shops, my mum watches him one morning a week but we haven’t been to any baby groups.

I don’t drive and most of them are quite far away and I didn’t get in quick enough to book the local ones as I didn’t realise that due to Covid they would all be prebooked now.

We are having friends over at the weekend with their children but we moved just as he was born and I never got the chance to make any mum friends due to lockdown.

I feel like he’s really missing out as walks and shops etc probably aren’t they good for him in terms of his development and socialisation. I try to talk to other
Mums at the park but they all seem to be in friendship groups there already and nobody is particularly friendly

I’ve booked swimming and a music group but couldn’t get onto those til September.

Can’t afford nursery as I’m not working so although it would be beneficial for him I’m sure it seems silly to scrape together the costs for him to go.

I feel a bit like I’m failing him - his world is so small.

Following as I'm in a similar position with DS 18 months. I can imagine many lockdown mums are feeling the same.

I try to reassure myself that close family is what they really need at this age and we do lots of reading, toys, playground outings, bath games, puzzles etc.

We have managed to get to a few music and sensory classes but the kids aren't even allowed to go on each others mats so I don't know how much socialisation he actually gets to be fair.

I really wouldn't worry. Baby groups weren't even a thing when we were little, so none of us went to them. My mum went back to work at 3 months and left me in the care of my chain smoking grandparents who mostly just watched soaps and talk shows all day.

I didn't really go to baby groups with either of mine, though did sometimes meet up with friends for walks. We live rurally and there aren't many options (this was all pre-COVID). Babies don't interact or really even notice each other anyway until they're about 2. So your lo hasn't missed out on too much. It's mostly for you and your sanity.

I wouldn't worry too much- have you checked with your local library/children's centre? They often have free or very cheap classes available. Frankly most classes are more for the mums when babies are so young anyway!

I would also add that I think that many mums who have had their first over lockdown have a perception that this is all this way because of COVID, but actually a lot of what you are describing is really normal, no matter when you have had your baby. But if you don't have any comparison, you just don't realise. I didn't find I made many mum friends during mat leave or through baby or toddler groups. There wasn't much to do in terms of activities. It was pretty boring and lonely. We were mostly at home, except for doing the food shopping or talking daily walks. My dc are 3 & 8. There will, of course, be those mums who love it and who are in two classes a day every day and have WhatsApp groups with all their mum friends and meet up for brunch and mimosas with them. But I think that is by far the exception and not the norm. Certainly hasn't really been the experience of most people I know. It's quite boring and isolating. But actually you're doing all really normal and healthy things. A walk in the woods or a trip to the shops is probably more stimulating than some toddler sing a long. It sounds like you're doing fine.

Thank you all

Our local library isn’t open for the old classes and story times.

Our drop in centre for coffee and baby time hasn’t reopened either.

Good to hear some of this is normal. I do feel quite lonely so maybe I’m projecting that into DS

He sounds like he's doing just fine

He is engaging in imaginative play and in my experience that will drive his language more than a baby group! (10 years childminding!). Especially with covid, what is important is he is secure and has good attachment, everything else will come!

Thank you

DS is 14mo and I havent been to any. I dont intend to. We go to the beach, go swimming, go to the park, he goes to nursery whilst im at work. Occassionally we meet up with my friends who have simillar aged babies. I just dont see the need.

My dc loved books at that age;. Ones written for toddlers. When the library opens, try and borrow some. Really good for language. Use them for colours and naming all sorts of things. My dc also liked nursery rhymes and poems. Great for rhythm and lots of words. Get DC to sit with you and help turn the pages. You might be surprised how enjoyable toddlers find this.

Baby groups aren’t really for babies, I mean sure they enjoy them mostly... but they’re for you really.

@mindutopia

I would also add that I think that many mums who have had their first over lockdown have a perception that this is all this way because of COVID, but actually a lot of what you are describing is really normal, no matter when you have had your baby. But if you don't have any comparison, you just don't realise. I didn't find I made many mum friends during mat leave or through baby or toddler groups. There wasn't much to do in terms of activities. It was pretty boring and lonely. We were mostly at home, except for doing the food shopping or talking daily walks. My dc are 3 & 8. There will, of course, be those mums who love it and who are in two classes a day every day and have WhatsApp groups with all their mum friends and meet up for brunch and mimosas with them. But I think that is by far the exception and not the norm. Certainly hasn't really been the experience of most people I know. It's quite boring and isolating. But actually you're doing all really normal and healthy things. A walk in the woods or a trip to the shops is probably more stimulating than some toddler sing a long. It sounds like you're doing fine.

This is so lovely to read. Thank you. From a first time Mum during the pandemic.

Toddlers do not learn a lot from toddler groups. Toddles do not chat to each other and do not play collaboratively. What you do is far more important. However you will get to meet other mums whatever you go to and that’s a bonus.