Am I too much?

[polar2019]

Looking for some kind advice and opinions please. Bear in mind this is very close to my heart so I'd like serious, sincere replies only please.

I worry that I'm 'too much' with my son. He was a very, very much wanted baby after difficulty conceiving and also has grown up a 'lockdown baby' ( quite clingy to me, we don't spend much time apart etc) so this might contribute.

What I mean by this is that I worry that I will struggle to let him go, and grow up. He is nearly 2 and I find it so bittersweet to know my baby if growing and to be honest although it's great to see him gain independence and become his own person, there is a part of me that wants him small and clingy forever.

He spends almost all of his time with me ( I do work part time and he goes to my dm while I work). I breastfeed still and co sleep.

I love him so much and I really, really love being his 'person' that he relies on and loves the most.The bit I hate to admit is the jealousy I feel when he is with others. My MIL particularly gets under my skin when she doesn't really do anything wrong other than try to bond with her GS but I hate it.

It sounds really unhealthy written down like this but can you really love a child too much?

Is this normal? Has anyone else felt the same?

I’m the same OP. I don’t care if it isn’t normal, I’m embracing every moment I can with my children.

But your child won't stay small. And it's your job to make sure he becomes a confident, independent person. He's still young but I hope you let him interact with others more. Otherwise nursery and school will be a huge and maybe not very pleasant adjustment. Learning to socialise starts much earlier than you realise. Circumstances have restricted opportunities for sure, but do not smother him thinking that you 'love him too much'. You must allow him to grow up and, by necessity, away from you.

You can never love him too much. A friend once told me that if they need you a little less each day, you're doing the right thing. I always try to remember that when I try to promote him becomming his own self.

I think that being a mum is the definition of bittersweet. You are constantly pulled between feeling joy as they become more confident, independent, and develop, and loss as the tiny dependent baby slips away, day by day. Your baby is literally part of your body, and after they are born each day they move further and further away from you. It honestly feels like grieving at times, to me. I don’t think the way you feel is unusual or wrong at all.

I think that if you are open to a reflecting on your approach, I would just think about what you want for him in adulthood. How do you see him? Independent, confident, successful, happy, able to have meaningful, healthy relationships? And then think about whether your parenting style is likely to enable this. Are you allowing your DS to become independent and learn skills in line with his age and development? Are you showing him that ‘he can do it’ and encouraging him to keep trying? Are you encouraging him to develop good relationships with others? Just things to think about.

I don’t think you can love a child too much. Otherwise my DD is screwed! He is (and always will be!) your baby.

You can’t love a child too much but just like with say a husband and Wife, the couple that do everything together aren’t necessarily more in love but co dependent. Now there is nothing wrong with co sleeping and bf if that works for you but don’t be afraid to embrace the next stage and let your son gain some independence and embrace other relationships.

Aww no I actually think this is normal. I’m totally obsessed with my little girl, I love the cuddles, I love that she’s a Mummy’s girl. Although as she is getting towards age 3 she is getting more independent which I actually think is lovely to watch, as I feel like I have made her feel secure and confident enough to do things by herself.
We recently got to meet up with her cousins again and to see her run off and play, without looking back was bittersweet but amazing.

I think it’s normal to get annoyed with your MIL.. so wouldn’t worry too much about that!

It does get easier with the second child and as they get older, but that intense love is always there.

I don't think you are doing anything wrong op. I used to question most of the things I did when my child was little. It was due to fact that I had a critical delivery and no one came around for help. My mom did manage to stay for while and I feel indebted to her but Mil was just pretended that everything was normal. I used to Co sleep too. Just keep doing what's right for you and the baby. Slowly they grow up and you do too. It's beautiful. The bond we share stays forever and grows with each passing day. It's not unhealthy at all.

@WhySoSensitive

I’m the same OP. I don’t care if it isn’t normal, I’m embracing every moment I can with my children.

I was going to say something like this too!

I also think children are good at showing us what they need. He will claim his own independence soon enough. For now just enjoy him and your closeness!

Embrace it. I don’t feel like this towards my son and I really wish I did. I obviously love the bones of him and would do anything for him, but I’m equally as happy when he goes to nursery or it’s bedtime. I do sometimes wish I was more maternal like you. Enjoy it

I don’t think you’re abnormal at all!

I hate to admit it but I seeth inside when MIL/FIL tells me things DC likes to do/eat/see or what he can do now as if I don’t know, I spent 8months just me, DP and him. ‘Gah, stop, he’s my child and I only want those times with him and us not you!’ In my head but on the outside I smile because they’re fantastic with him and do lovely things, which I’ll never stop. Just can’t help it, he’s my tiny human, a tiny piece of us out there in the world.

Thank you everyone for being so nice. I do feel a bit better knowing it's not just me!

I definitely agree with the comment about seeing your children grow being a bit like grief - the loss of that little boy he once was does hurt sometimes and I just know I will miss this age so so much. But hopefully the next stages are just as good

I have a similar aged DS. So far, I've found it's worse in theory than in reality. So I dread the thought of him getting older and before he started nursery, I hated that there would be other people that he would bond with but I've found so far that when it gets to the stage I'm dreading, I'm actually far too busy having fun with him to care as much as I thought I would.

It’s perfectly normal and lovely, to feel such love for your child @polar2019. Stop worrying 🌻🌻🌻

@Livingintheclouds

But your child won't stay small. And it's your job to make sure he becomes a confident, independent person. He's still young but I hope you let him interact with others more. Otherwise nursery and school will be a huge and maybe not very pleasant adjustment. Learning to socialise starts much earlier than you realise. Circumstances have restricted opportunities for sure, but do not smother him thinking that you 'love him too much'. You must allow him to grow up and, by necessity, away from you.

This. Your job as a parent is to launch him into the world.

Funny, we had a lockdown baby but we’re the opposite: we’re absolutely desperate for him to bond with someone other than his parents. It’s slightly heartbreaking knowing how smiley he is around us, but put him on a grandparent’s lap and he goes completely passive. Luckily he seems to like being around other babies his age now, but it’s hard to wonder if he’d have been any different without lockdown.

Mine have both left home now and I feel really sad, they don’t need me any more. I’ve done a good job in that they both are independent, but I feel old and redundant.
I sometimes feel like I could die now and that would be fine because I’ve done my job.
Stupid I know, I need to find a new life, but I want the old one back.

I get it, my youngest is 3 and I won't be having anymore kids so I feel I've babied him a bit more than my others. But part of being a great parent is helping them develop new skills because one day you'll need them to be independent and be able to do things for themselves. And there's joy in every stage of children. When he's older you'll be able to have nice conversations with him about stuff, which is not something you can do while they're little.