DD prefers her dad’s house

[PopcornFiend]

I’m aware I may be being over sensitive.. but today on picking up DD10 from school she told me they had to write about their favourite things. She said her favourite place is her dad’s house.

ExH and i have been divorced a few years, fairly amicable, DD sees him every other weekend. She said, when she told me she’d put daddy’s house as her favourite place, that it’s because she doesn’t see him as often.

I feel hurt and jealous! Is that really pathetic? Of course I’m happy she enjoys her time with her dad, but I couldn’t help but feel a stab of hurt when she said it. I do everything I possibly can to make our home a really happy one, she has friends over to play, she has toys, a tablet, lots of fun together, a really loving and stable home. Am I being crazy to feel a bit upset that she chose her dads as the favourite place? Really need some perspective and possibly a (gentle) shake.

Oh, ouch. But the difference is your ex’s house is a place to visit. Your place is home, which is so fundamental she doesn’t think of it…

If she had said “Auntie’s house” - would you feel just as upset, or would it be different?

The thing is when she references our houses she says “daddy’s house” but also she’ll say “this house” or “mummy’s house”.. so I don’t know if she sees it as home or not 😔

It’s because yours is her home, and his is a place. It’s not a place she goes to. If someone asked me my favourite place my default would be to think of a place outside home. That’s my thinking from my perspective anyway.

*Your house isn’t a place she goes to

@StateOfTheUterus

If she had said “Auntie’s house” - would you feel just as upset, or would it be different?

Good point.. I wouldn’t feel upset by this at all. I think it’s because it’s exh - which is silly, because we are on good terms, I just can’t help feel in competition and feel terrified of her preferring him to me. Aargh I’m being ridiculous I know!

You’re not being ridiculous - it’s an entirely understandable emotional reaction to the situation you’re in. I’d be the same. But PP are right - she is so secure at home it wouldn’t occur to her to think of it as a “place she visits”.

Perhaps she just literally prefers his house, not necessarily enjoying being there with him more than with yours. Because it's a novelty? Or a particularly nice house.... Is it?