Terrified about sending 11 month old to nursery

[Somethingvague]

Hi,

I recently accepted a job to start in September, 2.5 days a week. However, since accepting I have been in a constant state of anxiety about sending my little girl to nursery. It is making me want to call up and tell them I can't take the job anymore.

She is such a lovely, sweet baby and I am so worried about her. She would be having to do one long afternoon probably until around 5:30, and two long days about 8-5. Her brother went to nursery from around 15 months, but he was always super independent and loved it (but used to get very tired). I feel the few months extra and the different personalities make a big difference. Not a fan of the local childminders (I'm sure there are loads of amazing ones, but the ones near us just seem to have the little ones permanently strapped in a buggy and ignored whenever we used to see them at baby groups).

Can anyone offer me any reassurance that I'm not going to make my baby miserable?
Or alternatively, should I just tell my job that I'm very sorry but I can't do it? And try and find something else when she's a bit older.

What specifically is worrying you about the nursery? Are you worried she won’t settle there? That she will be unhappy? That she won’t get enough attention?

I think most babies settle in nursery.

I have a “lockdown baby” so never been looked after / baby sat by anyone other than me or DH, contact naps and boobs to sleep at home etc. She started nursery 2 days a week at 9 months. She’s now 10.5 months and is really happy there and comes out full of smiles.

The first couple of sessions she was quite unsettled but she’s got used to it so quickly and has a lovely time now. Sleeps in her pram there, eats loads more than she will at home.

I worried too before she went but she’s been totally fine and much better than I expected given how little social interaction she’s had.

I'm worried about all those things! I'm worried she'll hate it. I'm worried she'll be miserable. I'm worried the days are going to be so long for her. She's such a happy little thing and so attached to me, whereas her brother was so independent and felt 'ready'.

I know I'm being dramatic, but I can't stop worrying about it.

Babies are a lot more adaptable than you think.

My daughter started at nursery at 9 months and I was in tears the first morning as she cried as I handed her over. Her key carer called an hour later and said she was fine and happy, and gave us photos of her at the end of the day clearly completely settled there. She formed a really strong attachment to her key carer and I think basically replaced me with her while she was there!

It took a week or for handover to be tear-free but she was fine while she was there. She’s over two now and still loves it - happily walks in and sometimes doesn’t even bother to wave goodbye!

It may take a little adjustment but she will be fine - she will not be the first baby used to spending all her time with Mummy going to nursery, and re the days being long, she’s not going to be sat staring at a wall all day! She’ll be stimulated and busy and learning loads, and getting used to the company of other children her age - all good things! x

I was really anxious about it too when my eldest went. He was quite clingy whereas my youngest was very confident. I'm sure lockdown hasn't helped either for you. But he did enjoy it and gained a lot from it.

No help but your DD sounds just like mine and I worry about all this too and I’m not even due to go back to work yet! So your not alone feeling this way!

My two both went to nursery part time (from 6 months and 7 months) and loved it. They learned to choose and make friends independently of me, and did lots of activities that I simply wouldn't have thought of doing.

Most importantly, I think it actually strengthened my relationship with them. It broke up my week, gave me time out of the house to build up my own confidence and I really valued the time I spent with them without feeling bored.

Even my health visitor commented that I looked so much happier and content when I was working part time.

I have a lockdown baby, literally born two days before last March.. she started nursery at 11 months old & I was def anxious. She was very attached to me, still is to be fair. Nursery hasn’t changed that 😊

But I was really pleased she was starting. It given her two days of socialising with other children & adults during lockdown. And it’s been the best thing!

After a week, the tears stopped completely. She gets so excited when she sees the building & goes to give her key worker a huge cuddle. She’s sociable, settled & nursery say she’s the happiest little chap!

At home, she’s her normal self. Slightly more independent these days for sure, potters off & plays on her own which is nice!

I like work, I need time off from being mum to be a better one. Plus, I have no choice. Bills won’t pay themselves!

Try not to worry, I’m sure your LO will be just fine ☺️

Your little one will be fine, it’s generally the parents who suffer, not the children. My 2 loved nursery.

Thanks for the reassurance. I just need to keep resisting the urge to ring up and tell work I'm not doing it anymore haha.

I agree with others, PP it'll be harder for you than her as you will worry, but I'm sure if the nursery is anything like ours, you'll be able to ring up and ask how your little one is getting on.

My eldest DD was 8 months when she started nursery (2 full days a week 8-5); she was unsettled at first as she's always been quite a 'clingy' child with me, but after about 3 weeks she was absolutely fine! She was there about 10 weeks then they closed with lockdown, then I was on maternity leave with DD2 so she's only just gone back about 3 weeks ago and she's now 2. The first week she cried her eyes out and it was really hard, but we're now on week 3 and she is full of smiles when I pick her up! DD2 is 6 months and has also been there for 3 weeks and honestly she just gets on with it! Doesn't bat an eyelid when she's dropped off and has the staff wrapped around her little finger! They do messy play, tummy time, stories, all sorts with them in.

I started a new job closer to home 3 weeks ago hence why they're back in nursery, and honestly, I work full time and going to work and having that break is lovely. I do miss them through the day and I can't wait to pick them up, but I know how much being around other children and activities will bring them on.

Don't worry OP, we are all anxious when they first start

My lockdown baby started full-time nursery six weeks or so ago, age 1. It's been really good. He gets access to far more in the way of activities and socialisation than I could give him, and he settled with no problems and seems to be having a great time.

It's so unbelievably hard, I feel your pain. I sent DS in February and had many 'I can't do this' moments. Almost guilt that I was letting him down somehow.

But as PP have stated, they have access to so many more activities and the socialisation in these strange times has to be a good thing.

It will be different for you both but hopefully DC will settle quickly.

Returning to work isn't compulsory, op! If you don't feel that you or your baby are ready for you to go back, and you're lucky enough for there not to be any pressing financial or career driven reasons to return to work straight away, then take a career break. It is allowed to take time away from work to bring up a family, if it's feasible for you and what you want.

If, on the other hand you think that it will damage your future employmient prospects, or you will struggle to manage financially, then as pp have said, I'm sure your dd will quickly adjust to her new routine. If you have the option not to work, then maybe you could see how nursery goes for her? You'll soon know if your dd isn't happy. By the time she's two, you might be champing at the bit to have a break and go back to work!