Words of wsidom for new mum's...

[llynnnn]

We are throwing my friend a baby shower and are trying to produce a book for her with any words of wisdom about being a mum.
can anyone help me with things you wish you'd been told before your pfb arrived?
thanks x

To enjoy the first few sleepless weeks - as in 15 years time they will be far more fraught!

Not to worry about spelling or punctuation ever again...

Everything else can wait. You two (baby and mum) come first for a while. No-one ever looks back on the first year of their baby's life and wishes they spent more time cleaning the house!

Lynn,There are 2 mumsnet books on pregnancy and babies which are good.

Words of advice,errrm.

Get as many lie ins as possible before baby is born.You won't get any for the next 18 years or so

Babies cry,end of.Some more than others.When they do you will feel it ia all your fault.It isn't Usually it is cos they are hungry /wet /tired or have colic.

Don't be sucked in to buying things you don't need.Essentials include nappies(cloth or disposables)I was an environmental nightmare and probably have a huge carbon footprint and used disposables,baby wipes.A few vests and sleepsuits,baby sleeping bag.Somewhere for baby to sleep,pram and carseat,baby sling.Thats it really.Somewhere to dunk it in the bath,I used a washing up bowl at first

Don't be suprised if you spend all day trying to get out of the house in the early days,and getting pretty annoyed when your DH/DP comes home and asks you what you have been doing all day.

Accept ALL help especially of the meal cooking/housework variety.

Sleep when the baby sleeps.Disconnect the phone.

Ignore all well meaning "Advice" from MIL.Nod and smile when she suggests weaning at 8 weeks or wonders why you have not got little un in a routine at 2 weeks,or potty trained at 4 months.

If you are feeling low DO go and see the GP/HV.

Remember a few weeks in ,when you are incredibly sleep deprived ,it won't last forever IT DOES GET BETTER.

Try to make time for yourself everyday.Even if just for a bath in peace.This will be a definite luxury when little un becomes mobile and follows you everywhere.Ditto going to the toilet in peace.

Mumsnet Mumsnet Mumsnet

Finally,enjoy it.Its hard work but well worth it.

"babies are tougher than you think"

Get DH/DP to do at least one late night feed every day (express if bf). Get out of the house lots. Sleep at every opportunity. Enjoy it

Mentally affix the following addendum to any helpful suggestion made by mother in laws 'and look how fucked up my family are', vis:

'I weaned at 3 weeks....and look how fucked up my family are'

'I believe in letting them cry....and look how fucked up my family are'.

Don't read any books. All they do is set you up for failure. While it all seems overwhelming I believe you instinctivly know how to do most things. For what you don't know turn to other Mommys for advice. Moms (and your MIL) , aunts and friends will be full of wonderful wisdom and are dying for you to just ask.

Also don't try to do it all yourself. Let people help

Take one day at a time.

Everything is a phase.

They will not remember anything that happens before the age of about 18 months.

Never say Never

you cannot give a baby too many hugs and kisses

that some days you will want to weep with tiredness and frustration and that is ok and normal

that you will sometimes watch your child sleeping and won't believe you made something so beautiful

you will also look at that sleeping child and be unable to comprehend how they made you want to scream 1 hour earlier

(had a trying day with my 17.5 month old)

What a lovely idea!

What works for you, is what's right for your baby.

Never EVER criticise your DH's nappy changing, bathing, soothing skills etc unless they endanger your baby's life. Gently lead by example

DEFINATELY: Sleep when baby sleeps and don't feel guilty about doing it. Everything can wait - you need to recover from the birth.

Do one en masse thank you card - typed. Loads easier than doing personal ones like I did that took me two weeks to finish!!!!!!!!

Don't even try to be the perfect mum. OK is more than good enough.

Follow your instincts........don't be affraid......you will have them!

Remember that guidelines are to guide you - they are not the law (bf v's ff / sleep in your room or own room / weaning at 6 months / I could go on!)

Don't be ignorant to the above - but don't let guidelines rule you and interfere with the development of your own motherly instinct.

DO WHAT FEELS RIGHT FOR YOU, YOUR BABY AND YOUR FAMILY.

Stay calm.

I never believed this was possible until one day when I was home alone with screaming newborn twins and a 3 year old face down on the living room floor, wailing because it was all too uch for her too.

My choices were laugh or cry. I didn't actually laugh but I stopped myself crying and just told myself I had to stay calm for their sakes as well as my own sanity.

Get her the Mumsnet books, they're genius!

I agree with Justaskin. My top tip is never take anyone else's advice on parenting. Learn to trust your own instincts instead. Even when you're having a showdown with your own parents/ a medical professional/ ANYONE at all, you must hold on to your own convictions because the chances are, you're right.

People will (with good intentions) offer you their advice without you asking for it (such as the silly old bint who today accused me of suffocating my child because I put a rain cover on his buggy). If you want to be polite, just say thank you I'll give it some thought.

Also never make parenting decisions (or any family decision) with your parent/ in-laws/ anyone else - always tell them you'll discuss it with your partner first.

As far as birth recovery is concerned, before the birth I'd buy a lovely body scrub + matching body lotion, so that you can pamper yourself after the birth. Be kind to yourself - it will take a long time to heal and get your body back to normal.

Beansprout, are you still on this thread? Can I ask - do you play the saxophone, perchance?

" It WILL get better "

" Children are not from space... they are from heaven. "

" Never wake a sleeping baby. "

" Zillions of women have done it before you and survived... "

" If you are ever feeling isolated and/or need to chat to other mothers ... Log onto www.mumsnet.com/talk "

Avoid salt, except where health visitors are concerned. In this case take a large pinch at every meeting.

Repeat the mantra: "this too will pass"

When it's horrific - "this too will pass", the sleep problems, the feeding problems etc etc

When it's euphoric - "this too will pass", so absorb it, take it in and treasure it

Smile every day because one day your little one will smile back at you