3 month old-how do you do it all?

[peonyrose87]

My baby is 3 months old and I still feed like I'm absolutely on survival mode. She's only up once a night for a feed now, but I'm still exhausted.

I never seem to get the chance to clean the house properly, or make decent meals, my washing is always overflowing and a quick wipe of the toilets is about as clean as my bathroom gets these days😩

She's a very content baby, but between feeds and naps (she'll still only nap well on me or in the pram) I feel like I'm still glued to the sofa. We go for big walks everyday which eats up a chunk of time, and we're now going to classes which also means less is getting done at home. My partner is great and does as much as he can around work, and he gets up with the baby in the morning and takes her when he finishes work.

How do you all manage to stay on top of everything? I feel like I'm drowning sometimes!

I don't!!! Our latest routine is we take the baby to my mum every second Sunday and that's when we get housework done 🤣I've just learned to accept it can't be sparkling at all times lol. It's raining a lot just now so I'm embracing baby naps on me while I watch Netflix 😆

What you're going through is normal. They key is to lower standards. Until ds slept through at 10 months we ate basic meals such as jacket potatoes and the housework took a backseat too. At 3 months you've only just emerged from the newborn stage so give yourself a break. If you've got a clean toilet, kitchen surfaces and sinks and run the hoover around quickly then I can promise you that's plenty of cleaning.

Until they start sleeping through and they are over a year old you don't.

That's why when you are pregnant hopefully you aren't ill so you can do some cleaning as it won't be cleaned again for at least another year.

Also learn to enjoy raw veg e.g. carrot sticks as its saved time preparing it for everyone.

Oh thanks, good to know this is normal. We have no family nearby (all three hours away) so we have little support which I feel makes it harder. And I don't want to spent my whole weekend cleaning when that's family time. I'll try to accept that we'll be like this for a while longer and just do little things as I can!

I think it does get a bit easier once they can play/hold a toy better so maybe about 4 mo? DD (6mo) will happily lie on her mat and play with her baby gym or her feet for 20 minutes ish at a time so I just get as much stuff done in short burst as I can. Gets harder again when they start crawling though 😬

DH and I split the chores and childcare and we just accept that the house will never be immaculate.

My baby is 7 months old and since birth has woken up at least 4 times a night. Last night it was 6 times. Still in survival mode here!!!

Sling!!
A fabric wrap one. Means you aren't glued to the sofa for nap time and can get nearly all chores done.

I didn;t bother. If the house needs cleaning, maybe your partner could do it?

When you are drowning they advise you to stay as still as possible and float. I think that is good advice for this situation! Do what HAS to be done only.

I would try to eat decent food and get sleep as priorities.

Love the way @picturesandpickles put that.

Honestly the housework will always be there, the tiny baby cuddles wont. Enjoy them while they last, in 5 years you wont look back and think 'god I wish I'd have cleaned the oven out back then'.
Used to get told I was making a rod for my own back letting baby have his daytime naps on me. Spent too much time worrying about that when now I'm so glad I didn't listen, I wouldn't go and trade that time cuddled up on the sofa with him for anything.

Hire a cleaner if you can afford it, 2-3 hrs once per fortnight. We are not flush at the moment but it is one of the last luxuries I will give up!!

@pinguwings I do use a sling to do certain chores but don't want it be using cleaning products with her so close to me! I do some cooking. washing up, laundry, dusting and general tidying with her in the sling!

@picturesandpickles that is a really good way of putting it. Sleep and food it is!

@Kimblebee19 I'm like you and want to enjoy the tiny cuddles while I get them, this stage only lasts so long!

I have a three week old and an older child. Between the school runs, feeding and nappies I feel there isn't much time, we've yet to add more visitors or trips out! I'm up at least once in the night. I go to bed early to get extra sleep while she stays downstairs with my husband for the evening. He sleeps on the sofa after she wakes in the night as she takes 90 minutes to get back to sleep for some reason. He changes most nappies when he's home.

My husband does the cooking and I have a ready meal for lunch if I'm home (I'll have to do something better when weaning starts). He does online food shopping but I need to get some extras during the week.

My husband keeps the kitchen clean when he cooks and does a good clean of the whole house every other weekend and a quick hoover/wipes bathrooms down on the in-between weekends.

I do the laundry including cloth nappies and clean up after myself and load/unload the dishwasher so he doesn't ever come home to a mess.

We share care of the older child and the cat about 50/50.

My husband is a teacher so DIY/gardening tasks happen in the holidays.

Honestly, 3 months, I'd do it during naps if they were down, or in a sling, it when they were in bed, or I'd bring their playmat with toys for them to bat, from room to room. I found it fine (sorry).

From 9m onwards (and nearly 4 and 2 now and counting) OMG!! They still don't sleep (2 year old woke me up 4 times last night, nearly 4 year old 3 times), they generate their own mess now, and nap less (or not at all). I'm now in survival mode. I suspect it gets easier when they go to school, but who knows.

I worked FT so had to do the cleaning on weekends with the baby (then babies). DH worked FT too and also was a FT student on evenings and weekends. So that’s why most of cleaning fell to me.

I used a good sling and baby back carrier. I also used a portable play mat and play pen and just went room by room, relocating baby in each room. I used no toxic eco cleaners and always had window open when in the room I was cleaning. The play pen even worked outside on a nice day and I’d put baby in there with toys and get the gardening done- weeds, putting down bark, trimming bushes and planting flowers etc.

I’d pause every five minutes to interact with baby, make sure not getting frustrated or lonely.

I got a lot done this way. Then when it was toddler plus baby, I had toddler “help” and follow us around. Once all 4 were here, I felt like a mother duck herding then from one room to another! But I made cleaning a fun activity...and as they got older their help got to be actual help. It was good training for when they took over keeping their rooms clean once they started school!

Everybody fed and nobody dead. That was my goal until at least 6 months. Things got easier then as they had bigger gaps between feeds/naps were more predictable and they could sit and rattle a toy for a few minutes.
Now they're 2.5 and 4 years old and my house is a tip.

Agree OP it's really tough. My LO used to love the sling, I could get loads done. But she hates it now :(

We have a cleaner once a fortnight. Well worth it imo if you can afford it. Cooking and baking have all but stopped for convenience food. Quite sad about this as used to really enjoy those.

My LO is four months old and I find she'll sit fairly happily in rocking chair or lie on play mat with toys. So I can get some stuff done, as a pp said I still interact / sing songs / chat about what I'm doing. She seems to like watching me put washing away particularly. As a pp said you can carry chair or may round the house as you need. Might help you get a bit done?

I didn't do anything at 3 months to be honest my DD was 'high needs' and screamed all the time she was awake which was almost all the time as she hardly napped. I couldn't baby carry because of back pain. She wouldn't be put down anywhere at all. Etc. Housework and cooking was done in evenings once DH was home from work so that he could take over DD and we'd take turns on weekends and he'd often have her in the carrier whilst he did housework. We still did just do the bare minimum of everything though we moved house when she was 8 weeks old and our house was still not sorted at the 3 month mark so it was tough. Just lower your standards is my advice, it gets easier as they get older. She's 3 now and I can stick her in front of the telly to get bits and bobs done and also just less tired given she usually sleeps fine all night etc.

I have a 12 month old and still don't get anything done. To be fair things gradually improved after 6 months but I'm never on top of the house work.

Ignore the cleaning except for the bathroom and kitchen. Buy in pre cooked meals from cook or the supermarket or a catering company that's adapted to domestic customers under lockdown. Try not to wash clothes unless absolutely necessary. Buy a tumble dryer. I don't know if you breastfeed or use bottles but get cartons of pre made milk or the bottles with teats in already. Faffing around with formula, kettles and sterilisers is a pain.

Put social media on pause so you just get one alert every day instead of people drip feeding you conversations that wastes more time and just deal with all responses in one go.

When you do cook double the quantity so you can freeze the rest for another easy meal.

It’s totally normal and (you’ll hate me for saying this) it sounds like you have it easier than most. Survival mode is absolutely fine at this stage, try to enjoy the bare minimum of expectations while it lasts!

The thing that really helped me is to not wait until I have time to do a complete job. So for example the bathroom, just clean the sink after you wash your hands. The next day clean the bath while you're in the shower. Maybe you don't have time to put the whole load of washing away but you could probs put a couple tops away at a time and by the end of the day it's done. So do quick 1 min tasks very randomly and eventually you get there!

@MsChatterbox that's helpful, thank you!