Play date snub

[Meme2019]

My daughter aged 5 has a friend at school. She calls her her best friend. For ages she has been asking me if after the lockdown she can have a play date.

I have had a sneaky suspicion for sometime that her fiends mum maybe does like my daughter being friends with her daughter.

The girls clearly talk about play dates or sleepovers at school. I thought I would wait until her friends mum reaches out to us to organise a play date. I knew the invite would never come, but I just hoped it would.

Yesterday my daughter comes home from school and begs me to contact her friends mum to organise a play date, I reluctantly agreed. I send the mum a message asking if there is a weekend free the girls can have a play date, No response.

In the meantime my daughter is asking if her friends mum has responded.

How do I explain this to her.

My daughter is mixed race, her friend is white. Every inch of me wants not think that it's nothing to do with my daughter being mixed race but I can't shake it off.

You may be right about her prejudices; you’re the only one who’s interacted with her. But plenty of people either don’t like playdates/can’t host or reciprocate/arse around before replying. Time will tell.

Maybe the mum is anxious about Covid.

The not answering is rude as all hell. I wouldn't like that. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she's a slow messager or has something on.

It could be a racial thing but it could just be that the mum doesn't want to encourage the friendship for other reasons, though that's sad for your dd too. Maybe she thinks they're a bad combo, maybe she thinks they're too wrapped up in one another. You'll know better than any of us on that front.

Anyway, all you can realistically do is try to encourage other friends for your dd.

Oh crap. Yes, of course there could be other reasons, some if them innocuous. But... I don't think you should completely ignore your instincts. Proceed with caution.

Just give her a call instead, more likely to get the answer your looking for, she'll either pick up or just won't answer you

I'd wait and see what happens Monday. Some people just don't like dealing with playdate admin over the weekend or they're just not good at replying to messages or they're busy etc. etc.

I would tell your daughter that the other mum is likely busy and you will ask her on Monday. Then deal with what the outcome is.

Hopefully the mums had a really busy weekend and will reply tonight or tomo. Not replying is rude.

And sadly could be a racism issue.

It’s hard to say. She could just be a bit rubbish about replying to messages, or is thinking about it and trying to figure out a date that would work for her.

I asked a question about play dates on AIBU recently and got my arse handed to me about how incredibly difficult it is for some people to have play dates, so I guess there’s all sorts of reasons it might not be possible.

I really hope it’s not racism, that would be so horrible.