When did you realise your child wasn't NT?

[PinguTheLion]

I'm starting to wonder if DC is showing signs of something, not sure what but he seems to have had a personality change recently.

He seems very anxious, whimpers a lot, does some flapping hand movements occasionally and my biggest concern is how repetitive he is, he will say the same sentence over and over again probably 10 times then say something else and repeat that and it's always the same things he repeats for example being in the car we do the same journey so he recognises things along the way and says what he has seen over and over again and will do the same every time we pass the same things.

So just wondering if this is normal behaviour for a child who is nearly 3 and also if any of this sounds familiar to anyone that has a child with additional needs?

Thank you

@PinguTheLion I’m not sure that is the same as echolalia honestly so perhaps less concerning.

With me, as she got older, more things worried me and I would google, and then they would all be red flags for autism!

Echolalia can be defined in different ways, but more usually it means repeating something out of context to what's going on or repeating back something the other person said as an answer.

So, an example from when my DS was little, he was asked how are you at an appointment and he replied with twinkle twinkle little star. I think that meant good.

With my DD, even now at 11, if I ask her a question that doesn't have an automatic answer sometimes she gets this overwhelmed look in her eyes and I have to repeat and give a few choices for her to pick from that she can repeat back.

A bit different for us, because our child was diagnosed by accident (we were going through screening for some speech and language stuff, said yes to having him assessed). But he was diagnosed aged 4/5. It was a total shock for us, we were expecting a ‘no’ but looking back there were all sorts of little signs (but nothing picked up by school or nursery). Basically he’s just an incredibly high maintenance person, and really really hard work, especially wrt emotions. He struggles with transition, and can’t interpret his own feelings.

Probably between 2-3 for DS2. He didn't settle into nursery at first, was obsessed with routine and order. Had sensitivities around food, smells and clothing labels. Was a massive, obsessive collector of things - and lining them up.
I always had a sense he was a 'bit different' but he sort of coped and I wasn't keen to label him too young. Also he was a summer born boy and a lot of it was put down to age/ development.
I stupidly also listened to DH too much, rather than my instincts. DH kept saying he was 'just young' and 'we shouldn't write him off' (but DH didn't see DS2 as much as me, or engage in schoolwork etc).

At 9 I asked the school for their thoughts/route to an assessment but they fobbed me off.
At 11 we paid for a private ed psych and DS2 was diagnosed with dyslexia/ slow aural processing.

Interestingly, I was going through some paperwork recently and found some old nursery reports for DS2 when he was about 3.
If I'd known what I know now it should have sent alarm bells ringing:
"LittleWhippet is a sensitive and special little boy. He likes to know the routine of the day and gets upset when it changes. He plays alongside his friends 'Jim' and 'Jack' but also sometimes on his own. etc etc"

Not until my kids were late teens - girls who were academically strong and well behaved at school. There was less knowledge about autistic girls and both primary and secondary schools did not feel the need for an assessment or diagnosis.

They were privately diagnosed following MH issues in their mid-teens. I wish it had been picked up earlier.

18 months for one of them and about 21 months for the other twin. The first had a massive skills regression overnight, the other gradually lost skills over time. Neither spoke or understood words so it became increasingly clear.

It has become more apparent the longer time has gone on so as a toddler I couldn't really tell. But what might be a personality quirk at 3/4 by 6/7 is a concern and by 9/10 is a symptom

Wise words indeed

@lorisparkle no illness or accidents have happened its come on quite gradually

@Springchickpea thanks for your reply. Do you remember what were the little signs looking back? I hope you and your DC are getting good support

@Whippet thanks for your reply. My OH is the same, just tells me there's nothing wrong he is absolutely fine but like you say he doesn't spend nearly as much time with him as i do. DS is also summer born will most likely be the youngest in his class when he starts

@Allthenumbers google is driving me insane, literally everything is a symptom of something on there 🙄

@ZoeMaye thank you that's very true, he definitely has his own little ways but like you say hard to know at this age if it's just how he is or something else

@PinguTheLion mostly just that he was the most difficult and bad tempered baby. He was one of those who would never be put down, would scream if I so much as went to the loo and needed constant physical contact. He was difficult to settle into nursery, and very difficult when it came to room transitions, and school. All quite anxiety based, looking back. A new setting in and of itself wasn’t an issue, but the preparation and waiting for was. He can be quite aggressive, and wants to dominate the conversation sometimes. As a very young child (think 18m) he hated it when I spoke to anyone, and would grab my face if close enough. We went to all manner of baby groups and he would always sit on me, never willing to move away, even for a second.

On top of all of that though he was quite a friendly and genial baby, quite good at interacting with others, just very mummy oriented and clingy. Caused many arguments with PIL, especially MIL who claimed I was the problem.

He is obsessed with my hair, is quite a sensory being. Quite sociable, but although apparently good at eye contact, it is all on his terms. He mostly passes for a NT child, but isn’t. He can be especially challenging at home, where he is most aggressive.

Almost all of his behaviour is feelings-related. He has good friends, but is very literal which I know is going to be a problem later on. He is genuinely one of the sweetest kids I know, but is/will be misunderstood on so many levels.

One thing to note, is that diagnosis is made on how big an impact there is on day to day life. Our child doesn’t have that many ‘traits’ compared to some, but the ones he does have sometimes pose a big issue for him. There is just something about him that people used to working with ND kids can spot a mile off. Something is just a bit ‘off’ about him.

@Springchickpea thank you very much. A few things you have described do resonate. DS is also obsessed with hair although not in a good way, he is terrified of anyone touch his hair and cries so much he almost makes himself sick when we have to wash it.
I'm so sorry your MIL blamed you, i hope your OH told her where to stick her opinion!

@PinguTheLion of course he didn’t 🙄

My son was diagnosed at 3 and a half, and is now a teenager.
Looking back he displayed unusual sensory seeking behaviours from a few months old. He also went to private nursery and they had no concerns whatsoever. He could read and had an amazing memory at 2. He had speech delay and tons of echolalia.
He is a summer baby. He moved to a nursery as part of a school a few weeks after his 3rd birthday and after 4/5 weeks they expressed concern about his development.
We went to the GP with a typed list of behaviour concerns and they referred us to paediatrics at the hospital. We had an initial referral for speech therapy and 6 weeks of assessments and he was diagnosed by paediatrics just a few months after. I did cry to the consultants secretary and she moved our appointment forward.
I think you probably have enough concerns to go to the GP and express concern and ask for a referral. Our son had the most awful repetitve behaviour at home it was a very difficult time.

My son has some of the behaviours you describe. I began to have concerns initially around 9 months. I took him for hearing tests as he didn’t respond to his name or babble; they came back clear so I didn’t worry again until he was 15/16 months and still not babbling and no words.
Diagnosed with autism & GDD at 3yo.

You could see the GP and ask for a paediatrician referral if you’re concerned.

18 months for my DS. He was visually stimming a lot and actively avoiding other children at groups. He had speech and language as he had no words at two and by three his nursery had concerns about his repetitive play and lack of social interaction.
He is now coming to the end of reception and the school have started voicing their concerns. I have been convinced he has ASD but because I am a SENCO my family would tell me I am reading too much into his behaviours and am just seeing autism everywhere. They are now agreeing with me however and we have referred for an assessment.

DD2 did from a very young age (weeks or months old) but she maintained eye contact and was quick to talk with a huge vocabulary, so it always felt like she was more anxious or had sensory issues. But no, she is autistic although most people who know her (not me or DH) were initially surprised by the diagnosis because she doesn’t present in a typical way. However, she repeats phrases and lines up toys as well. No hand flapping, although I know that can be quite suggestive of ASD along with other signs.

[quote Allthenumbers]@Miljea I’m glad that happened a long time ago! My daughter most definitely is autistic and also is very adept at playing peekaboo! Thankfully understanding the autistic spectrum has come a long way although not in all professionals unfortunately.[/quote]

I'm only trying to reassure the OP that a cluster of 'concerning symptoms' don't necessarily mean autism!!

And, with respect, I do feel the opinion of a consultant paediatrician witnessing how DS was 'interacting' possibly holds more weight....

@Miljea Apologies if I misread your meaning. I took your post to mean the consultant was saying if a child was autistic, they wouldn’t be able to play peekaboo. That’s just not correct and I wouldn’t want anyone reading this thread to think that if a child could play peekaboo then they couldn’t be autistic.

But unfortunately I do hear recent stories of ill informed professionals who say a child can’t be autistic because they can make eye contact etc

It’s this type of misinformation that makes it harder for autistic children and adults and parents of autistic kids to get support as people can think oh they can’t really be autistic, or they are only “mildly” autistic.

But sorry if I misread what you/the consultant was saying.

I first had suspicions when he was about, oooh, 2 weeks old? Which I knew at the time sounded bonkers of me, so I didn't mention it because I knew I'd be told I was anxious/seeing things/looking for problems/paranoid. But I knew for sure by the time he was about 8 months.

I have a much younger sibling who is autistic so I just saw tiny signs that I couldn't even explain properly, but I'd seen it before and I just knew.

He was finally diagnosed at 8. I had been raising concerns since he was in reception at school but been brushed off over and over because he's so bright and chatty and advanced academically 🙄 but he's no longer in mainstream school and has 2-1 at times!

I think you know yourself if it's a concern or not but my little girl who just turned 3 will repeat something she sees until we repeat it back to her. Both my kids would flap when they were excited about something at that age. Just trying to say it could just be their age...