My son is not affectionate

[bunny85]

I have two boys, 5.5 and 1.5. My older son has never been particularly affectionate- he never comes to give a hug or a kiss just because, he never says 'I love you mummy' and just generally cold. He's the same with my husband (their dad). We always show him how much we love him, we tell him daily, cuddle, kiss, hug, but he's not bothered. He'll just stand there while being hugged and kissed or maybe will just do it to tick the box. My husband isn't concerned but it's making me a bit sad. I see his schoolmates running to their mummies with arms open at pick up, or they'll come for a hug randomly during a play date and say 'I love you so much mummy'. It makes me sad he's not like that. Does anyone else have children like this? I'm especially interested how they turned out to be when older, do you have a strong connection, loving relationship with them?

My oldest is a bit like that (he's also 5), but he's recently been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and that's probably the explanation for his lack of affection.

Of course, there are tons of reasons why kiddos behave the way they do so I'm not saying that the same applies to your little one, but I will say that I was a bit relieved when mine was diagnosed because it helped me to understand his thinking an stuff.

Is your younger son more affectionate?

Thank you. The younger one is more affectionate for sure but maybe that's because he's still little. My older son was more cuddly when he was little. Also he wants cuddles in bed when I'm putting him to sleep and sometimes in the morning so it's not like he's totally cold. But still far less than most children of his age...

Buy him a few storybooks about love and showing love. Like I'll Love You Forever or similar. Books about hugging and so on.

I'm a big fan of storybooks that teach them stuff. And sometimes it's teaching them how other people like to give and receive affection. It may not particularly change him, but it's no harm for him to learn that being affectionate is a positive thing in general.