Co-sleeping breastfeeding toddler

[stillsleepdeprived]

Our 18 month old still co-sleeps and breastfeeds during the night. We ended up here for various reasons, but now it really needs to change. She will happily go into her cot for her daytime nap and we have managed to get her to start her nightime routine in the cot (both of which my husband facilitates), however she will enevitably end up back in the bed around 10pm when she goes looking for me for comfort. Any advice (short of stopping breastfeeding?) on how to keep her in the cot?

Many thanks,

Why does it need to change?

If you don't want to stop feeding could you introduce a dummy?

Or night wean but still feed in the day?

It’s completely normal for a child to look for comfort during the night from their care giver. What exactly is it about the current situation you are unhappy with? Feeding during the night, toddler being in your bed, toddler waking up, toddler needing cuddles or something else? There all valid things to want to change and I’m asking before they can be achieved in different ways. Are you happy to night weaning, controlled crying or are you looking for a gentle parenting method? Again no judgement, just different achieve.

I coslept with DD1 (ff so no milk over night by this age) until after she was 2 and I’m slowly weaning DD2 (bf) off cosleeping now at 22 months. I think it’s really difficult to do until they have their teeth as teething can be so disruptive.

You're the adult here. It's not the best thing for any of you to have broken sleep. When she wakes, pat or shush her but don't bring her into your bed. She'll complain for a few nights then adapt and stop expecting to come in with you. You'll all get better sleep. Don't be a martyr!

Thanks for the feedback everyone, main two reasons for keeping her in the cot would be sleep disruption, and the ability to spend some time with my husband (she could be back in the bed as early as 8.30 some nights) As one poster pointed out the teething is definitely likely to cause us trouble regardless...

If she settles for your husband in her cot, why can he just settle her again when she wakes up at 8.30/10 whichever?

^can't

This is the bit we need help with, at the moment she screams the place down when she isn't brought back into the bed, for up to an hour before we give in. Don't think there are any easy answers, probably need to help her learn how to go back to sleep on her own

So she goes to sleep ok for your DH in the early evening but screams if he goes to her when she wakes up? Is she hungry or thirsty at that point, do you think? Has he tried offering a drink or food? Or is it her teeth/pain and she just wants you for comfort? How long has he tried comforting her before going to you? Is she used to you always being there when she wakes, i.e. after naps during the day does she wake to you and a cuddle/feed?

She will cry at this. That's not necessarily bad. She's getting older and will start to press against boundaries. Sometimes you have to be strong and stick to your guns.

You've done a lot of the hard work by getting her to nap and go to sleep in her cot.

Now when she wakes up daddy goes to settle her. Offer her some water. Don't pick her up but rub tummies / backs.

She will cry but after a couple of n

Oops. After a couple of nights she likely won't wake up / will settle with a little tap and rub

She'll wake up and go, 'this is the point where I get in with mum'. If you say no, shush, she'll go - no, this is the point where I get in with mum and cry about it. Until she goes to sleep but she will know you are there, you're just not letting her into bed with you.

Within a few nights she'll stop waking and thinking it's the point where she gets in with you.

For most kids, so long as you're consistent and there's no actual need why they're waking like pain etc, they develop new sleep associations.

This is what works for us, we did it at 20 and 22 months (different children). At 18 months you can get a small double bed and safety guard rails and breast feed or cuddle to sleep and then leave them. If they wake up then one of you, I suggest always sending in DH in first, can hop into bed and cuddle them back down. You can either stay in bed with them or leave depending on how tired you are or if you have fallen asleep or just fancy not sleeping next to your partner.

With my oldest she slowly started to wake up less and became easier and easier to settle. Definitely by 3 she was sleeping through unless she was unwell or occasional wet the bed.