Screen time thoughts? Can my baby be in the same room I am watching tv?

[sarah13xx]

Hi all 👋🏼 I’m due this summer and I’m just getting my head round all the routines etc that I hope to (loosely) follow.

I’m a primary teacher (I teach 5 year olds) and have found the biggest issue by far in my class is the obsession children have with technology these days. If I bring laptops into the room they will frantically pace round them asking who’s getting on the laptop?! They can’t focus on anything else when they’re there! If we do group activities on them some children really struggle to get off to go to the next group and will end up in tears over it. When I ask for their weekend news many of them just want to tell me about playing roblox. We were writing about our favourite hobbies the other day and one child said his was playing his tablet 😳 The instant gratification they get from these games with loud noises and bright flashing lights in their faces means they don’t want to sit in school doing a phonics lesson or listening to a teacher for 5 minutes. I think many parents don’t know what else to do so for a quiet life just hand the tablet to them when they get home. I know how addictive it is as an adult so I’m just really glad I was brought up before it all existed and I learned the ability as a child to be bored without needing constant entertainment.

Now as a soon to be parent, I’m wondering how strict I will be 🙈 I know many parents start off saying they won’t give their child devices etc then realise how tough it is and give in. My degree before teaching was in psychology and as part of my course we studied how damaging screens are on children’s brains before 3 years old, so I’m really sure I don’t want to let mine have any, although I know how difficult this will be. If you’re like me, do you watch tv with your newborn in the room? I know this sounds ridiculous but if I’m going to try to avoid baby tv and just stick to songs, nursery rhymes etc (not on the tv), if I’m watching This Morning for example is it bad if he ends up staring at it? 🙈 I’m guessing my mum watched tv when I was growing up and baby tv didn’t exist then, so I’m sure it must be okay but just wondering what your thoughts are?? X

I've been a lifelong TV lover and watched a lot when DD was a tiny baby while feeding etc. We moved house when she was 3 months old though, and the distraction, extra space and changes in DD as she emerged from the 4th trimester completely broke the habit. I hardly watch TV now apart from one episode of something with DH in the evening. I much prefer being able to focus on DD during the day now that she's so much more interactive and just haven't felt the need to turn the TV on. That might change in the future though, she's only 5 months! I do use my phone a lot during the day - I try to be subtle so she doesn't notice but I'm going to make an effort to do it less as I want to set a good example, and I resent the way it takes me out of the moment.

My newborn watched the complete episodes of Luther and how to get away with murder ! She is now 2 and I don't see any negative affects 😬

I think you need to consider your own sanity in that first year; if I hadn’t watched tv/had the tv on when I was home alone with my baby I’d have gone crazy from the boredom.
My DD only really got into tv around the age of 2 and when I was pregnant with baby number 2 and when he was newborn she watched far too much tv but I clawed it back to just specific times now.

I remember coming down one night and finding DH giving DD last bottle whilst “Silence of the Lambs” was on the TV..which in hindsight could explain a lot.

When I twins were very young (less than 4 or 5 months) I watched TV while feeding them. They were not aware the TV was on. As soon as they became aware, and started twisting their head to look at the TV, I stopped watching it when they were awake. Then I just watched it when they had a nap (if I had time!)

Now they are 15 months, they've never seen the TV on, so they don't know what it does.
In the morning I put some nursery rhymes on the iPad for 30 mins while I shower and get ready. They never point at the iPad during the day to ask for more, so I think they only associate it with morning-time upstairs.
I plan to avoid TV as long as possible.

They are very interested in my phone, since they see me FaceTime my sisters and mum, so they know it does something interesting.

Honestly, I really don't think it matters. I really really think that parenting is entirely about what you do do, rather than what you don't do! If you read with your child, spend plenty of time outside, cook together etc etc then having screen time too is really no issue. It's when it's to the exclusion of everything else that's the issue.

My DS has always had plenty of telly, and in the last year (he's 3) has had a tablet that he uses for an hour each day of the weekend. He's fairly free to choose what he watches and plays on and he's perfectly happy to put it down when done (mostly!)
His preschool are delighted by his rounded understanding of the world, which frankly, I put down to cbeebies. He watches Go Jetters and then we look at his atlas and find out about places, or talk about different cultures. I think it gives him the freedom to come across things and then ask me about them rather than feeling like I'm just telling him things. Honestly, cbeebies is really good.

Also, I'm often on my phone around him, I can't sacrifice reading the news, it's important to me! I have the paper online. (Not all day, or instead of playing with him) So I just tell him, I'm reading the news and include him by telling him any appropriate stories or showing him science photos or things.

The reality is that tech is part of our lives now. I've shown DS how to use a dictionary and an encyclopedia, but most likely he'll be searching online for info in the future so not a bad thing to learn how to use technology too!

Anyway, there's no way there'll be an issue with watching the telly in the room with the baby, none at all!

I think you need a balance. My 7 year old doesn't use her tablet much and we've never taken it to restaurants but she does spend a lot of time watching TV and playing Minecraft/Roblox. She also does a ridiculous amount of extra curriculars, we read to each other every night and she is in top groups for everything at school so doesn't seem to have problems concentrating there. Go to baby groups, go to the park etc, get him/her used to being out and about.

We didn't get TV till my brother was 9, and from that point on he was totally obsessed with TV.
A balance is more important. My kids (teen and tween) love technology and use it a lot. They also go to scouts and do sports.
I share your concerns, and don't approve of baby and toddler TV.
Technology is enmeshed in our children's lives though.

DS spent the first 3 months of his life BFing as I binge watched Desperate Housewives. he's fine.

I will say though, that screens are what older kids play on now and having grown up with Sindy Dolls, Meccano and Blue Peter it was initially hard to come to terms with. What I'm saying is you can moderate but you can't fight the tide.

I personally find it a little hypocritical (sorry) that you want the TV on so you can watch it, but then not allow your child to wat h it at all. Then again, a lot of parenting is hypocritical, and that's ok I guess (bedtimes, alcohol etc), but personally I try to minimise those scenarios to appear as fair as possible.

With small children, I think the key is moderation. My eldest loves numbers and maths, and has done since the age of 1. This is because of numberblocks. She learned left from right at 18m by watching (12345 once I caught a fish alive) as listening doesn't show you which finger is which - and yes you obviously sing with them, but listening to music wouldn't have had the same effect. At 2 she had an obsession with Andy's adventures, and she gained a lot of dinosaur knowledge. At 3 she loved octonauts and could name at least 8 types of crab.

I play with her, the TV is a minimal part of our lives, but as long as you choose the programmes carefully and limit how much,it's a great learning tool.

It's also great for long journeys with a toddler!

Honestly, compared to the tablet obsession, TV is actually far preferable! I much prefer it if mine watch a TV show or film over the YouTube shit they mainline - even the crappiest Disney Channel dreck has a narrative structure, requires some concentration, there’s usually a moral at the end...it seems like high culture compared with YouTube if I’m honest. Films have storylines, themes, production values etc.
It’s tablets that are the killer (and yes I have two tablet-obsessed DC who would probably count that as their hobby - but they have limited access to them and are not allowed to use them to the exclusion of all else.)

When they're babies they don't pay any attention to the tv. I think when my DS was about 18months he started paying attention, so it was off unless we deliberately wanted to watch it.

TVs are slightly different to tablets and phones that children are consciously interacting with. The issue with those is around the immediate feedback that they get from pressing buttons etc. That's what feeds the "addiction".

Just remember that a) as the parent, you get to decide how much they interact with technology. In our house when we say the tv is going off, it's going off. You deal with any ensuing strops.
And b) there's nothing wrong with a bit of tech, as long as they are also having a variety of other experiences in an out of the house.

Technology is a part of our children's lives in a way that it wasn't when we were growing up. Embrace it, but monitor it.

Yes. I had the news on all day when mine were little.
The only way to get through breastfeeding is to watch TV IMO.

Ive had the tv on all day since day 1. Hes only just becomming interested in it at 14 months old. Its all stuff that I want to watch though. Very rarely do I put toddler tv on. When I do, its nursery rhymes whilst I need to get something done. Then when he looses interest in it, it goes off.

Think about it this way, if you restrict something so much it then becomes a 'thing' and they become more interested in it. Same can be said for junk food. I think everything is ok in moderation.

Technology is a part of our children's lives in a way that it wasn't when we were growing up. Embrace it, but monitor it.

God I forgot to write what I wanted to comment after the section I put in bold.

I meant to say that I totally agree.

I do think you're being a bit ridiculous, in the nicest possible way. I have a 3 and 4 year old, they have tablets which they are allowed on weekend mornings so I can have a little bit of a lie in. They don't have them any other times and don't ask for them. They have a choice of programs to watch (I don't have a TV licence but do have prime and plex) but tend to get bored after half an hour and go and play.

I've never actively restricted their time on screens. The only thing I have done is that my ex husband liked to give them tablets at bedtime in bed. It took me months to get rid of them! They were miserable and cranky and clearly showing signs of dependence on them.

I think if you don't restrict it, but do other activities with them that are more appealing then they will choose to come and play with you rather than watch screens.

For the first 6 months I would have the TV on around DD and she paid it absolutely no attention whatsoever. I watched the entire ER back catalogue in the early days, good times.

Now she’s 3 we do use screens, because it’s about balance. I’m sure she can survive the damage caused by a bit of CBeebies and it was a lifesaver when I was forced to wfh while caring for a 2 year old for 4 months during the nursery closure last year.

I went to school with a few kids who weren’t allowed to watch TV and they were all absolutely glued to it any opportunity they got (e.g. at friends houses) in a way the rest of us weren’t. I’m sure it’s all a bit different now because of tablets and smartphones, but it’s always made me wary of making screens forbidden fruit.

You don't get a special parenting badge for not having a tv, or using a tablet.
Technology is part of our lives now much more than it ever was.
Being too strict with screens is the same as being too strict with sugar - once they eventually get a taste they will eventually become hooked as they missed out for so long.
It's not damaging to children's brains. There are no studies that suggest such a thing. Children that grow up without a tv or a computer will have no advantage over those who did. Stop worrying and just enjoy your baby.

This post is hilarious. Are you serious?

My kid is 4 & has watched LOADS of TV in her life. We have a balance, she has nursery 3 days a week where the only TV she watches is in the car on the way home to stop her falling asleep (works a charm, no danger naps!). We go out & about a lot (when not in lockdown) and spend lots of time exploring the world. She has gym class, swim class & outdoor education class. We go to parks, woods, softplay, splash parks, farms, zoos etc. We are busy, when able to be. So TV is naturally limited by our days at the weekend.

I do switch the TV off when it’s been on 3/4 hours in a morning when we’ve no plans. DD wakes up at 6am & frankly, I'm knackered and it’s usually on until 9ish, My 4 year old never solidly watches it. She will for 20 mins, then wanders to colour or play etc and comes back later on. Over lockdown, we’ve watched it for hours & hours a day 🙈

My 4 year old is exceeding all goals. Her language has been really good since she was small, nursery have her in an advanced academic group as she is a whizz at maths & phonics (thank you Numberblocks & Alphablocks). She is polite, well behaved (ish, she’s 4, she has her moments), she is reasonably patient for a young kid. TV/her iPad has done her no harm whatsoever.

Tech is useful. We take the iPad out to lunch. Less so now but when smaller, she was hungry & bored. We’d have exhausted stickers, colouring & books by the time the starter came! So the iPad was super handy between the other courses or end of the meal. Arguably, once they can read you could take a book or something but really, what’s the difference?!

Not being rude but I did smile at this ....you will end up putting the tv on- i was adamant I wouldn’t when I was pregnant but it is a life saver when you need peace. They are literally with you all day and some stages are really difficult in the first & second year especially when there teething and constantly whingey no matter what you try. Tv keeps them quiet when you make dinner too. My sons speech is advanced for his age now and all together he watches at least 1-2 hours of tv a day when we are at home. I wouldn’t worry at all unless you plonk them in front of it all day and don’t interact with them.

Like the PP I also bring him into my bed for a cuddle and stick the iPad on first thing so I can wake up properly, there’s nothing worse than leaping straight out of bed. I don’t think you realise how hard it all is untill you’ve had your baby. I used to roll my eyes when people said that to me but it’s true. (Also amazing too)

My two 'earn' their ipad time. Before school get dressed, Music practice , pack bags and get breakfast, clean teeth. Then when they are ready to if there is any spare time before having to leave, they can have ipads. This was a game-changer, I used to have to chase them to get ready before they had devices. There is definitely an upside to them. They then get a limited amount of time on them afterscool. At weekends half an hour on devices can be earned here and there by doing homework, reading, music practice. We have lots of trips and walks as a family and play card/ board games or watch a film together. You can definitely raise your children to be interested in more than just their ipads.

Cbeebies saved my sanity on many occasions when my three were babies and toddlers. It gave me a chance for a peaceful cup of coffee while it was actually still hot, and to get some jobs done.

My eldest has a first class degree from a Russell Group uni and is doing well in the Civil Service now. My youngest has now almost completed her first year at Cambridge, getting top marks there and into all of her sporting activities now that they are open again.

Middle child is my non-academic and is enjoying her role as a worker in a local supermarket.

So they do seem to have survived my "school of benign neglect" style of parenting. 😉

Don't overthink it. You can't get away from technology and it does have it's advantages too. It is all about balance. Your child will not be damaged if you want to watch TV in the same room, which is something that most of us actually did.

I don't think TV is the issue. IT's not as immersive as a phone or a tablet. THe child doesn't have the same control over it.

I had the TV on a lot with my two. It really doesn't seem to have done any harm. They didn't have their own devices until they were about 4/5 (DSs - they are late teens now!) and those were educational games.

I think the big thing is we have never had a games console. I think I hear more problems over PlayStation and X boxes than anything else. I am so glad we never went down that route.