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Parenting

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Original poster

Feeling as though 5 month old doesn’t like me

14 replies

stillreallytired · 20/05/2021 16:40

Second attempt posting.

My 5 and a half month old has never been brilliant at daytime napping and I’ve got round this by incorporating all naps into the pram or car. Obviously this works well until you can’t get out.

We have been housebound since 11 this morning and in that time he’s managed one half hour nap.

That’s all well and good (l it isn’t, it’s horrendously stressful) but what does worry me are suggestions to hold him, rock him etc. They just seem to wind him up and I’m paranoid he doesn’t like me / hasn’t bonded well with me.

Can anyone put my mind at rest?

OP posts:

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PhannyPharts · 20/05/2021 17:59

Your baby does like you. He loves you. I had a sleep refuser and it grinds you down. You aren't doing anything wrong you're just shattered.

I watched your other thread and you sound so down and at the end of your tether. Is there anything I can say to help give you hope or did you just want to chat / vent?

FenugreekGodess · 20/05/2021 18:03

My three week old cries when shes overtired and can get really wound up but I think she's got that from me, as i get really ratty without sleep! I think that's all it is xxx

Original poster

stillreallytired · 20/05/2021 18:11

What I mean is that if he felt safe and loved with me he’d go to sleep with me holding him. So he obviously feels a big disconnect.

OP posts:

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PhannyPharts · 20/05/2021 18:24

There are lots of reasons babies don't sleep. Too many to list here. You're jumping to the worst conclusion because you're feeling low.

I have been where you are. In the end I sought a sleep consultant to help me with routine - when he was about a year old I was utterly broken down with exhaustion. He's nearly seven now. He sleeps through. We have a wonderful relationship. I have been where you are and it is horrible but there is a way through.

If we met at the park and I told you my son didn't sleep would you tell me it's because he didn't like me? Or would you say something kind to me and look at it logically? Try to treat yourself with the same kindness

Original poster

stillreallytired · 20/05/2021 18:27

At seven no, but the thing is that the things everyone suggest - holding him close and using a sling and cuddling him in bed - he hates.

So it does seem to suggest he feels insecure. And I’ve been awful to him today so I don’t blame him.

OP posts:

FlowerPig · 20/05/2021 18:34

Another bad napper here!
If I'm doing contact naps my girl (almost 7mo) really fights her sleep just as she's getting there, she will wriggle/squirm/puts her head in my armpit/cries/screams/spit her dummy out.... it looks and feels like she doesn't want to be in my arms but she does, a little perseverance cuddling, shushing and singing and she soon drops off, her longest naps are on me....so long as I don't move/talk too much.
Our turning point was around 5.5 months, she went in to her nursery/own cot for night time and that's when I started doing naps in there too, until then every single nap had been contact/movement.
We've had all contact naps today as the weathers been awful and I've really enjoyed it...house is a tip but full of love and cuddles (after lots of resistance!!)

PhannyPharts · 20/05/2021 18:40

I know he's seven now. I meant when he was a baby. I was making the point that I've been where you are and felt the way you do when he was tiny and I'm trying to tell you that you will be ok and get through this.

You are having a shitty day and giving yourself an undeserved hard time. What you're experiencing is normal for some babies. Mine wasn't much into cuddling to sleep but loved a swinging chair thing that I had. It didn't mean he didn't feel secure and equally it doesn't mean your baby doesn't like you.

PhannyPharts · 20/05/2021 18:42

Do you have real life support at the moment? To give you a break or to talk things through with.

lakesidelife · 20/05/2021 18:44

It isn't a sign of poor attachment OP.

It maybe suggests that he finds contact with you stimulating rather than soporific but that isn't a sign of poor attachment.

Some babies need quiet and their own space to sleep. Some need lots of physical contact. Some are just rubbish sleepers regardless of what support they are given.

Your baby has developed a sleeping strategy that works for him, pram and car and just doesn't do well with change. This isn't an attachment issue.

Carouselfish · 20/05/2021 19:24

If you're breastfeeding he could be smelling milk, or just associate the smell of you with feeding, distracting him from sleep.

MrsTidyHouse · 20/05/2021 19:54

Thinking that your baby doesn't like you can be a symptom of PND. Might be worthwhile getting that checked out.

flaminjo · 20/05/2021 20:57

I think it's good if he doesn't need to he held all the time and to fall asleep. He's secure

flaminjo · 20/05/2021 20:57

@stillreallytired

What I mean is that if he felt safe and loved with me he’d go to sleep with me holding him. So he obviously feels a big disconnect.

I think the opposite. Please try not to worry, you're doing a great job xx

FenugreekGodess · 21/05/2021 14:13

@stillreallytired mine cries and does a newborn tantrum when overtired in my arms until she's that tired she sleeps. Before any one jumps on me... She's not hungry as obviously I've offered her breasts and bottle and nappy is clean and changed its just tiredness. I expect she'll always be like this grumpy and miserable when overly tired and needing a nap.

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