I’m scared 😟

[Mamalife322]

Warning long post!
I need some positive vibes right now from someone who’s been there.
I love being a mom, my oldest is 4 & was the easiest baby & child I could even ask for. She’s my angel and we have always been so close. Life was always pretty damn near perfect with her as an only child. Naturally we wanted to give her a sibling and she was always & still is all about that life. Insert our son, who’s now 3 months old. Let’s just say the first 2 months of his life were really rough as he was diagnosed w a cows milk protein allergy and reflux. His formula was a changed and his feedings has become better but that is it, his temperament is still the same. He is constantly fussy, barely naps 45 minutes, and always needs to be held & even sometimes holding him doesn’t help. All the while I feel like the bond with my daughter is dwindling. She’s always quietly playing by herself while I tend to the baby. It kills me inside as I envisioned alone time together when the baby napped. Also when her mimi picks her up to spend time with her & I’m left behind w a fussy baby that makes me sad. Don’t get me wrong I’m glad she has that time with her mimi & I love my son but it’s hard to enjoy a fussy child like I did when my daughter was his age. My worry is that she will grow up to resent me. Or that my son will always be this way. I worry about my marriage with the added stress. I’m pretty burnt out these days, I find when I do have time where my son isn’t attached to me or crying I’m pretty damn absent minded, as I just need a minute to myself. I need to hear that this really will pass because my family is all I’ve ever wanted in life & right now it’s hard af.

3-4 months is probably the hardest baby age, much worse than newborn in my experience. You’re in the thick of it now, but if your daughter seems happy playing near you rather than with you all the time, I’d call that a big win and not read into it any resentment that isn’t there!

That said, can your mum look after the baby sometimes for a couple of hours instead of taking your DD so you can get some quality one on one time? Even if the baby is breastfed, a one or two hour break could be feasible!

The other thing I always tried to do with my eldest was to consciously not always tend to the baby IMMEDIATELY, when I knew he was ok. E.g., if he was just waking up from a nap and started fussing, but I knew he wasn’t starving because I’d just fed him an hour ago, I’d say something like “don’t worry, DC2, I’ll be with you in 3 minutes, I just have a few more pages of this book to read with DC1”. I’d never let the baby get frantic, obviously, but I’d use little moments like this to show DC1 that I could still put her first sometimes.

Finally, for what it’s worth, I have 2 younger siblings. I’m very close with both of them and have never resented them, even though my mum had pretty bad PND after my sister was born and she was a very high needs baby. I love my sibs to bits and I’m glad my parents had them, even though I had some “growing up” to do a 4.5 years old with two younger kids in the house. You’ve got this!